My maternal Grandma died this morning. I'm fine. I'm not looking for sympathy. I actually feel good. I can't shake this feeling of relief that the suffering is finally over for her. I've kept it to myself, wanting to maybe post something, but not sure what I wanted to say. I'm still not, so I'll just type and see what I end up with.

She moved to Shreveport years ago from a town about an hour from here, Rockdale, TX. That's where she'll be buried, next to my Grandpa -- who she's had to live without for over 30 years.

In recent years she was diagnosed with Alzheimers. In that time, the running -- well, joke isn't the right word because she didn't think it was funny -- the continuing issue was that my Mom had stolen her clock. We have no idea what in the hell she was talking about. What clock it could have been. And why she would think my Mom did this.

She was one of those feisty, hell, not-always-so-easy-to-love people that managed to turn that about herself into an endearing trait. She hated the Cowboys with a profound passion which is a strong quality in anybody.

And not fair to her, my Dad's Mom, now my last surviving Grandparent, doted on her grandkids as if we hung the moon, to the point of it being an impossible standard for anybody else to be held to.

But, thankfully, we grew a little closer as we grew a little older. And I learned to respect, even appreciate, that she could, at times, be an intensely solitary person.

She met her husband in the Marine Corps. Yes, my Grandma was in the Marine Corps. Okay, so she didn't actually wear combat boots, but still...

Many times I've heard the story of one visit when she had done the Grandmotherly thing and baked us kids oatmeal raisin cookies. Now I loved chocolate chip cookies. Still do. Oatmeal raisin cookies and chocolate chip cookies resemble each other, particularly when you are a kid. They are not, however, anything alike -- particularly when you are a kid. So I did what any kid who doesn't like raisins would do -- I ate the cookie part while carefully picking the raisins out and hiding them around the house. I ate a lot of cookies. She found a lot of raisins. (Ok, I probably wasn't always so easy to love either.)

I certainly don't mean to paint a picture of her as a miserable person. She wasn't. I loved her laugh.

She beat cancer decades ago but we discovered in recent weeks that her body was ravaged this time, she was old and in failing health and there was nothing to do but let nature take its course. So Mary Manning's life ended this morning, with my Mom at her side. (Yes, I occasionally like to wonder if we're somehow related to Archie.)

The plan is to have the funeral Monday. I'll get to see my two Uncles from that side of the family who I don't get to see nearly enough. I'll see my Mom again since moving to Texas. And if Kati and Preston can make it I'll get to see, for the first time, my newest niece, Abby, born last month.

So while I'm feeling a little conflicted about not experiencing the typical grief over a loved-one's passing as I've become accustomed and seems expected, I'm just relieved that she's not deteriorating anymore. My mind stays stuck on the good memories.

So, goodbye, Grandma. As I matured, I learned to like raisins. Better, I learned to love you, not-always-so-easy as that was. :)

And, rather surprising to me, I actually found a picture of her online from the '40s. (3rd from the left.)

You have my condolences.
Don't feel like you have to feel a lot of grief when you don't. I've often wondered why people are so grief stricken at times like this when we always talk about how our loved ones are going to a better place. Seems like we ought to be happy for them.
I hope that doesn't come across as harshly as it reads, I certainly don't mean it in a harsh way.

Yes, my Grandma was in the Marine Corps. Okay, so she didn't actually wear combat boots, but still...



Yes she did, until the day she died... What a great piture...

Joe

Condolences on the loss, and congrats (for the lack of a better word), for having, and utilizing such a colorful ancestor in the makeup of your outstanding character. Most would not have taken the absence of outward compassion as strength, but as a harsh, and haggard old crone.
We are all products of the influences of our family environments, few of us take the rougher blood relative hulls, and turn them into spiritual, and moral assets as you seem to have.
In this way, our passed loved ones do truly live on in us.

Condolences, David, that's a very honest expression. Having been through all four parents' dying plus taking care of an elderly aunt, I know that old people can be difficult. The fact that you're conflicted is perfectly understandable. Focusing on the good memories is the right way to go. :9:

My condolences to you, David.

Thanks for sharing your story as well. The part about hiding the raisins made me laugh out loud. Maybe that clock will turn up some day. :)

Rest in Peace, Miss Mary. Sorry about your loss, David.

When we were sorting out my grandmother's house after she passed, we found her favorite gold watch she agonized over - she was afraid someone had stolen it from inside her house. We found it tucked away in a box of material up in her attic, apparently dropped accidentally when she was working on some sewing project. I'm sure one of the first things she did after crossing the pearly gates was to laugh hysterically at that because it was she herself who 'stole' that watch. We all laughed when we found it remembering her grilling us about it! Funny how life goes, and she didn't even have Alzheimers. I think the lesson was to have Faith, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Sorry about your loss David. I have similar feelings about my grandmother's passing a year ago, so I understand where you're coming from

David... My sincere condolensces. I loved my grandparents but their passings didn't have near the effect on me that losing my mother and a brother did. I thought it would, but for whatever reason it didn't. I always thought that there was something wrong with me due to the lack of grief. I really do miss them very much, however.

Condolences, David. But I understand this very well:

...I can't shake this feeling of relief that the suffering is finally over for her...

When my dad died, it was the same thing. He had suffered for so long and his strength as a man just prolonged his suffering. When he finally passed, I was relieved for him. And sad. An odd dichotomy, but a reality of life...

Sorry to hear about that, David. It's good she's not suffering, at least.
I hope your mom's doing OK, too. I'm sure that was pretty tough for her, now matter how much you think you're ready for it, you're never, really.

I miss my grandma so much. I lost both grandfathers and my mom's mother before I was born. "Nana" was the only one I had. She passed when I was 18.

Sorry for your loss David. And thank you Grandma Manning for your service.

Condolences, DM. God bless her.

If the Army and the Navy
Ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines.

Sorry to hear this David, Call me anytime.

Hey David...my condolences bro. At the same time, I had to smile just a little reading about your grandmother. She sounded like one hoot of a lady. Remember the good times with her...let those live forever.

At the same time, I had to smile just a little reading about your grandmother. She sounded like one hoot of a lady. Remember the good times with her...let those live forever.

I did too. I post again and my Condolences David, I did not mean to come across any other way. But reading that story, it seemed that the Marines and the War was a part of yur grandmother that she never let go of. Matching that story with the picture as well. It seems that was a very strong sense of pride for her.

Joe

David, my condolences as well. Life is a journey, not a destination. Sounds like she led a great life and is now in a better place.

Quite a moving story about a wonderful woman who sounds as if she lived a full life. It seems to have struck a cord with a lot of us in terms of our own losses. I have had these conflictions as well and while they may appear troublesome, they are universal.
Dementia of any sort can be devastating, especially for the caregivers and loved ones. You have my deepest sympathy. Be well, and keep good memories.

David..somehow i missed this thread but Marc told me about your loss tonight. I know alot about alzheimers since my father suffers from that horrible disease.

Take care brother..i need to call you soon so we can shoot the breeze a bit.

peace to you

David,

Let me add my condolences also. As Darlexat said, this strikes a chord with many of us. In my case, I only knew one of my grandparents... my grandmother who came to live with us in my teen years after Alzheimer's had made her unable to take care of herself. Those couple of years made for some great stories which still make me smile...

We used to say about my grandmother, "She's a pistol." What you wrote about yours reminded me of that. The good, nostalgic memories are what you hang onto for a lifetime.

Best to you and yours,
StWill