Is it okay to NOT want kids?

[saintsfaninva]

Originally Posted by BoatsNBeer

Another thing, I think you can't begin to tackle that question until you find your lifelong partner, soul mate, what ever you want to call it. It's not really a fair question to put to yourself until you find the one you feel you will be with for the rest of your life.

This

I don't understand why your friends are urging you to have kids while you aren't even married. Are you in a long term relationship? Are you getting "older"?

FYI: I don't have kids, but my husband had two when we got married.

[Denzien]

Originally Posted by Mr. Blue Sky

this leads me to an interesting question: How much easier do you all suppose it would be to have children if money weren't an object for you? Would you be more likely to have them?

If money wasn't a factor, I'd want ~5 kids. I've got two now, and it's stretching the budget paper thin.


To the OP: it's definitely OK to never have kids. It's definitely bad to have kids if you're not ready to take on the parent role. One day you might decide you want kids - but if that's not today, don't do it.

[kizzy821]

I've known since forever that I didn't want kids. I don't have the nurturing gene and I'm very aware of it. It's difficult enough taking care of myself, so I can't imagine having to tend to another human being for years on end. I'm sure it's fun and fulfilling on some level, but I can tell from keeping my nephew on the weekends that the trade-off is lopsided. You have to do a whole bunch of other stuff that isn't fun or fulfilling while waiting for those precious moments.


In addition to that, I would have a hard time bringing a person into this world who didn't ask to be here. The responsibility (and possibly the guilt) of doing such a thing… It's huge, man. It's just not a decision I would consciously make.


I've had folks tell me it's selfish, but in my opinion it's more selfish to create a person that had no say whatsoever in what they look like; they had no input in what skills or abilities they'd possess - or lack. They are a product of their parents and they don't get to choose who those people are. They don't get to choose the environment or circumstances they're born into. When you really think about it – like, REALLY think about it – having a baby is one of the most selfish things a human being can do. That statement never goes over well when I share it, but I think it's because we've been conditioned to feel just the opposite.


Folks always say, "We want to have a baby" "I want another child", etc. No one ever says, "We need a kid" or "What this planet needs is more people." Therefore, I have a hard time believing that people procreate with the purpose of fulfilling their duty to God and the earth. They just say all that stuff after the fact because they know you can't prove otherwise.

Therefore, I don't think it's wrong to not want kids. Personally, I commend you.

[SAINT BIGAL]

There is alot of good advice here. If you don't want kids, then don't. Not sure how old you are but you could change your mind later depending on your age. My wife was 41 years old when we had our last one. I'm the proud dad of a 7 yr old daughter and 6 yr old son (old people can't waste time) and wouldn't have it any other way. To be honest, if we were a little younger we would probably have another. We even considered adopting a while back but eventually chose not to do so.

[Saint77]

I never wanted kids when I was younger. I wasn't ready. I hit 38, had a life changing event, and felt the time was right. Unfortunately. we cant have them naturally now, so while you may not want then now, be careful not to make too much of a boogie man out of the idea and it becomes too late.

[WeatherfordRob]

The only problem with doing it when you are older is that you then have to raise them when you are older. I had mine at 21 and 25. I will be done by the time some of you still have kids in diapers. I will be making more at 40 than I was at 21 so I will actually be able to enjoy myself more then than I would have before I had them at 21. Some of you will be raising teenagers well into your late 40's and 50's. If you think it is hard to keep up with a little one when you are young, try it when you are old. That is my take on it and am glad I had mine when I did. Other the other hand, if you don't want kids then by all means don't have them.

[CarMike]

Originally Posted by Rickboy

It would be wrong to have kids, if your heart wasn't into it.

Yep, Rick is 100% correct.

[Sarcastic]

If you don't want to have kids, don't have kids

The only thing that could cause you problems is a long-term relationship with a chick that disagrees. If you get married, that better be out front.

EDIT: Yep, I'm a moron. Two Optimuses. Oh well.

[NOSports007]

It's your life, live it however you want. I agree with a lot of the other posters that those who are trying to guilt you into having kids most likely are a little jealous.

I have two boys that never stop moving. They are great and I wouldn't change a thing in my life. My first one was unplanned but my wife and I had been married for 2 years and been together for 6. We didn't know if we were ready yet but it worked out.

I think one of the things that works for us is that we had a good relationship before having children. We also have a good relationship now. I think that one of the biggest mistakes you can make once you have kids is not making time for you and your spouse. I love my children but my wife and I undertand that we still need to have time for us away from the kids. Sometimes its not an easy thing to do (get a sitter, spur of the moment plan) but we make it work.

If not having kids is something that you have decided then your friends should respect your choice. If they can't then they are the ones with the problem.

[Brown]

Originally Posted by Optimus Prime

I'm at an age now when a good number of the people I grew up with and went to school with have families.

I don't have children and I don't really want to. Honestly I don;t think I'd be good at it and I know I don't have the patience for it.

My friends with kids seem to be becoming more and more insistent that I should have kids.

There are two avenues that they seem to take with me and I resent them both.

The first is my friends saying that their whole life changed when they had kids and that they never knew true joy or happiness until that moment. I don't question that at all, I get it and I respect it. I have no problem with that whatsoever.

What I do have a problem with is the implication (and lately the flat-out saying) that I'm just wandering aimlessly through a joyless, fruitless, unfufilling life. And the true tragedy is that I don't realize how joyless and unfufilling my life really is because I don't know "true joy".

The second avenue (from different friends) calling me selfish. That it's my moral duty to God, country and as a human being to have kids. One argument goes like this (have a kid, you can afford it)

So What! I can afford lots of things I don't buy.

I think this is more jealousy than anything else. Today is thursday. If I decide tonight, hell if I decide tomorrow at noon to go out of town for the weekend I can just go. For some of my friends it's like moving a mountain just to go to dinner at Chili's and catch a movie. ( and it's usually one or the other, rarely both)

It's to the point that I've found myself pulling back from some of "family" friends. I know it usually works the other way around. The married with kids guy distancing himself from his clubbing, hard partying, barhopping friend.

I'm not that guy and I've never been.

I just really don't ever see kids being in my future. That is okay, right?

Sorry about the rant. Just wanted to vent a little bit.

Side Note - All my friends who have kids and have been telling me that I should have kids and how great kids are are also married. Some married for years before they became parents.

Not a single one has ever tried to convince me to get married and tell me how great being married it.

Take it for what it's worth

Well... You have every right to not have kids but my 2 cents;

If you CAN have kids then you SHOULD have kids. There are a lot of folks out there that can't have them and the anguish is heart breaking.
So, You could produce for the sake of adoption.

Otherwise, I think you're selling yourself short. I think you'd make a better father than you think. I remember having the same thoughts as you expressed here on this thread and I can tell you that in looking back, I'm very happy I went ahead and had kids. Giving life to the world is a very moving experience. Watching that kid develop and become their own person is very moving.
I never knew how much I enjoy teaching until having kids. I didn't know how good I could be at motivation until having kids. I didn't know unconditional love until having kids. I've learned more than I can express here since having kids.

It's the cycle of life dude. You have the seed and fertile ground to plow then it would be a shame to hold out.

Just my opinion.

[Mr. Blue Sky]

Originally Posted by Brown

If you CAN have kids then you SHOULD have kids. There are a lot of folks out there that can't have them and the anguish is heart breaking.
So, You could produce for the sake of adoption.

aren't there already enough kids around the world who need a home?

[Brown]

Originally Posted by Mr. Blue Sky

aren't there already enough kids around the world who need a home?

I don't know. Do you know?

[Saint Jeremy]

Originally Posted by Brown

Well... You have every right to not have kids but my 2 cents;

If you CAN have kids then you SHOULD have kids. There are a lot of folks out there that can't have them and the anguish is heart breaking.
So, You could produce for the sake of adoption.

Well wouldn't he have to find a woman to help him with that???? And having a child and giving it up isn't really 'having kids' now is it?

[Mr. Blue Sky]

Originally Posted by Brown

I don't know. Do you know?

i don't, i'm certainly no expert.. but my cousin (who's my age and grew up like a sister to me) has adopted three kids from Asia, and according to her, there's no shortage of babies there needing homes.

[lades]

The need to breed is hardwired in most people. But just do what is right for you and if people don't understand and support you, screw them.