Paris Hilton is banned from the Wynn Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. I’m not sure what Paris is banned for but I think we can rule out card counting.
This is the worst thing to ever happen to Paris Hilton. Now, when she’s in Vegas, she may actually have to stay at the Hilton.
The homeless population in New York City has gone up 50 percent in just the last year. Advocates say it’s true that a lot of the homeless people are drug addicts and alcoholics, but most, of course, are investors.
Michael Lohan, father of Lindsay Lohan, tells Radar Online that he’s moving to California to open a drug and alcohol rehab center. I guess he’s serious about wanting to spend more time with his family.
Late Show with David Letterman
It’s already autumn. Summer went by faster than Lindsay Lohan’s rehab.
The cemetery is full, they’ve run out of plots. Well, “CSI” ran out of plots years ago.
New York City is infested with bed bugs. If you have bed bugs, please make sure they’re spayed and neutered.
The CBS cafeteria was given a “C” by the health department. Even the Mentalist couldn’t determine what was in the chili.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The guy that tried to destroy David Letterman was let out of prison today. I was like, “Really? Jay Leno was in prison?”
Hurricanes are like divorces. They both leave you miserable with a lot less stuff.
CNN said a lot about the hurricane but I didn’t hear it because I was lost in the eyes of Anderson Cooper.
The hurricane might disrupt the Middle East peace talks, which would be bad because this time, I really thought they were going to work it out.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
The maker of Botox has been ordered to pay $600 million after marketing the drug for unapproved uses. In a statement, Botox said, “Even if it's hard to tell from our expression, we are extremely disappointed by this decision."
At the White House yesterday, President Obama told Israelis and Palestinians to reach a peace deal because they might not get another chance soon. That’s not really a peace plan. That’s how you get a 5-year-old to use the bathroom.
An airline in Sweden plans to host the first-ever in-flight gay wedding in December. The entire flight crew is excited for the event, although the right wing isn’t happy about it.
A man here in New York was robbed at an off-track betting parlor after cashing in a $29 thousand winning ticket. The man said it sucks to win and get absolutely nothing for it. To which horses were like, “Yeah, that must really be terrible.”
Oval Office Makeover: Pimp My Office
September 3, 2010
What it now looks like after the “Obamakover”. Bland, yuppie, casual, characterless. $20K for this. I could have done it for $650 tops
at Walmart, Target or Sams Club. But “no taxpayer dollars were used”. And I got oceanfront property in Arizona for sale. http://deathby1000papercuts.com/2010...imp-my-office/
Oval Office rug gets history wrong
Network NewsX Profile
By Jamie Stiehm
Saturday, September 4, 2010
A mistake has been made in the Oval Office makeover that goes beyond the beige.
President Obama's new presidential rug seemed beyond reproach, with quotations from Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy and the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. woven along its curved edge.
"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." According media reports, this quote keeping Obama company on his wheat-colored carpet is from King.
Except it's not a King quote. The words belong to a long-gone Bostonian champion of social progress. His roots in the republic ran so deep that his grandfather commanded the Minutemen at the Battle of Lexington.
For the record, Theodore Parker is your man, President Obama.
NOTE: You'd think before they'd weave a giant custom rug with a quote from a historic person, SOMEBODY would check to make sure they said it. Not the Commander-in-Chief's fault, directly, but the Obama White House blew it and makes itself look like the "Gang Who Can't Shoot Straight"...again
David Letterman's "Top Ten Things Never Before Said In An Oval Office Address"
10. "Gotta keep this short because I'm going on another vacation"
9. "Watch how fast I can spin in my chair . . . Wee!"
8. "Who wants Justin Bieber tickets?"
7. "Tonight's Oval Office address has been brought to you by Jimmy Dean Pure Pork Sausages"
6. "Kneel before General Zod!"
5. "Now I'd like to share a poignant story about Frank Sinatra"
4. "Earlier today I met with Vice President, Secretary of State, and Late Show audio technician Tom Herrmann"
3. "CAA sent over lunch. There are steaks and sandwiches in the conference room"
2. "Just back from a pleasure trip — took my mother-in-law to the airport. Hiyo!"
1. "Just like most of America, I'd rather be watching 'Glee'"
"President Obama is on vacation. This is his sixth vacation. He’ll have plenty of time for vacation when his one term is up." –David Letterman
"They're vacationing at the beach. He's down there with Snooki, Jwoww, the The Situation." –David Letterman
"President Obama could not wait to get on vacation. As soon as the plane landed, he grabbed a couple beers and slid down the emergency slide." –David Letterman
"I just got back from vacation. I went on vacation the same time as President Obama. We both had to get away from it all and not do anything of significance. And now we are back and still not doing anything of significance."
"President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up." –Jay Leno
"Last night in only his second Oval Office address, President Obama announced the end of Operational Iraqi Freedom. He said we have given the Iraqis a Western-style government. Well, we certainly have, haven't we? Their economy is in shambles, their Congress is corrupt, the country is broke, welcome aboard!" –Jay Leno
"Before President Obama's address, he called former President George W. Bush. I'm not saying the economy is bad, but he called collect." –Jay Leno
"I guess they had a pretty cordial conversation. President Bush said for the last 19 months, he's been relaxing and playing golf. President Obama said, 'You too?'" –Jay Leno
"President Obama said that too many Americans are struggling to find jobs. You know what these Americans are going to be called? Democrats." –Jay Leno
Rahm Emanuel Is Going To Be the President Obama of Chicago
Read more at Wonkette: Rahm Emanuel Is Going To Be the President Obama of Chicago
Chicago Mayor Richard Daley said today that he won’t run for re-election in 2011. But wait, the blogosphere remembered, doesn’t Rahm Emanuel want that job? DRUDGE SIRENS! “I would like to run for the mayor of the city of Chicago.” That is something Rahm told Charlie Rose one time! And then Chris Cillizza called up the guy who was at the White House fixing the Obama kids’ swing set today: “A senior Obama Administration official said Emanuel is likely to run for the post. ‘I’d be shocked if he doesn’t run,’ the official said.” Now we can move on to guessing who will fill Rahm’s spot at the White House, and then we can speculate who will fill that person’s job, etc. etc. etc.
But even though we KNOW FOR SURE he’s running, let’s just go ahead and look at Rahm’s statement:
Emanuel, in a statement released this afternoon, made no mention of his interest (or lack thereof) in the job.
“While Mayor Daley surprised me today with his decision to not run for reelection, I have never been surprised by his leadership, dedication and tireless work on behalf of the city and the people of Chicago,” said Emanuel