Draft the name, not the player. (1 Viewer)

pirttihirmu

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I know this is really stupid, and I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for the long boring off-season. It still feels like the draft is an eternity from now so instead of another MI vs. CI or cut Harper thread i decided to pass time by trying something utterly stupid. Let's say we were going to draft only by names. Who would you draft and why? Who would you avoid? What comes to your mind when you think of someones name? I'll start.

1st. Bacarri Rambo - Quite obvious. Who wouldn't want a Bacardi drinking killing machine in the first round. Yeah, dull but it's just a great name. As stated Bacardi and John Rambo are both too cool to leave hanging there.

2nd. ...

3rd. Tank Carradine - I know it's really Cornellius, and that's why i didn't pick him first, even though Cornellius is a cool name too. Tank Carradine is a name that brings an unstoppable behemoth to my mind. It's not only a tank, but it's Tank equipped with the new Carradine motor. Sounds great, sounds powerful.

4th. Kenny Vaccaro - I don't know why but instantly: An italian mafia guy. BAdabing badaboom, forget about it. This guy must go everywhere wearing a rugged leather jacker or something else as cool. Nobody makes fun of mob people.

5th. Cairo Santos - Unbelievably beautiful. I don't know why it is such a bliss to my ears, but as stated before, Santos = Saints.

6th. Shamarko Thomas - Shark Marko Thomas. Godly jaws vibe in his forename and a dear surname like Thomas(23). What could go wrong? I bet he'd be destined to chew everyones ***** in coverage.

7th. - Corey Lemonier - Lastly i'd like to add some fresh fruity vibes to our ranks. When you gotta make juice, don't make it just lemony, go Lemonier. Really this is pretty thin already but his name just gives me good sparkly lemonade sensations.

Honorable mentions:

Ezekiel Ansah - Is Ezekiel an angel or an prophet or something?

Eric Fisher - Definitely a real viking. No doubt.

EJ Manuel - One phrase: Don't you know i'm loco?!

Jon Bostic - Jon Lord, Jon Andersson... And of course Bostik is a Super Glue brand.

JJ Wilcox - Just a plain fantastic name i'd be proud to go by.


Wouldn't draft list:

Menelik Watson - I absolutely can't get the name Menelik out of my head. What is a Menelik? It's just awful to me i can't explain any better. Just a mans personal rage towards a name.

Dion Jordan - Have you ever tried putting Dijon mustard on your Jordan toothbrush? A Bad Idea!!

Xavier Rhodes - Isn't Charles Xavier cool you are asking? Yes, but it's frickin hard to play football in a wheelchair. And before you go to the super powers let me tell you Gooddell _will_ ban them if they play for our advantage. And what's even worse, I imagine Charles Xavier in an wheelchair, _On Rhode Island_!! The Horror!!

DJ Fluker - Can't you see he's a Fluke (r)?

Barkevious Mingo - Quite a pompous name for a royal dog maybe? In fact, i'll promise to name my next dog Barkevious Mingo III.

Cordarrelle Patterrsson - This is just an odd association in my head. Somehow the name makes me think of those poor mechanical ballerinas locked in jewelboxes dancing on forever. So sad, So girly.

Kawann Short - A rapping wannabe thug midget. That's right, it really is the first thing that comes to my mind. We don't need little people on our D-line now do we?

That helped a lot. I know it's really really stupid in every possible way, and i wouldn't be using valuable thread space if it wasn't a dead time of the year. If someone want's to be old Grumpypants i'll understand, but this is the best I can do, so bear with me. Thank you, i'm so sorry.
 
Dude manti te'o? Wasn't that a Harry Belafonte song? Tay-o Tay-ay-ay-o..daylight come and me won't go home.

PS: whatever happened to that tight end from bama named "Smelly"?
 
You have too much free time.
 
I'm from Brazil and Cairo Santos too, so i would love to have a brazilian guy on the team.
 
I can't believe Barkevious Mingo was so far down on the list! If he became the Saints OLB you could make up a load of little cards and when he got a sack everyone would look down at their card, make a little mark and then jump up and yell "BINGO!"

No? OK, just me then...
 

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