What is the first move? Divorce or child custody? Or do they both just go hand and hand? I'm not at all familiar with the process, but I'm more concerned about custody. Divorce can happen whenever it happens.
File for divorce first. Listen to your lawyer, NOT your soon to be ex wife.
My lawyer wanted to be more aggressive than I was comfortable with. I should've listened to her. I didn't want to get divorced, and agonized over breaking up my family. What I didn't realize is that my ex-wife broke up my family already when she started flirting with guys online. I should've had more forethought concerning my kids and my relationship with them.
Once you file, you can work through the process with your ultimate goal in mind. Just because you are a guy doesn't mean you will be second banana to your ex. Always do what you think is BEST for your children, and you will come out ahead. More importantly, so will they.