Well this is lame (I have to go to a SB party)

Buy a pack of cigarettes and excuse yourself every time a commercial break ends. Icing on the cake: an attractive (even semi-attractive) woman at the party who also smokes and who will talk to you most of the evening. Your wife will think twice before putting you in this situation again. Be sure to mention how interesting [woman's name] was as often as you can, both during and after the party.