rant.
i have a few close friends, and several that are willing to help. all of them mean more to me than they know, and though a few have an idea of my feelings, i will never be able to express exactly my wife's affect on my well-being. without her mental confidence, i wouldn't be here today. without her, i still love her, my friends, and i love her dogs (mine too, i suppose).
lately, i have been depressed more than usual. within the last few weeks, my wife's, um, death anniversary?, was not a great day for me. this adds much to my recent instability. i wasn't exactly doing great before it either.
i don't exactly, but i know that i don't completely, hate life. it is more like a neutral zone waiting on a sign for my next thing to do. i dream of my wife nightly. the dreams are not perfect by some accounts. they are dreams of normal everyday life with her. i often wake up in a daze thinking our conversations were real. it has been messing with me for a few years. the waking up is what hurts. i still wouldn't trade these dreams and feelings for anything other than her resurrection.
i have not been in a stable mood for months. looking for assistance and advice to try and occupy my mind for bit thinking about her as frequently.