Suicidal thoughts?

I could write an actual book filled with my suicidal attempts, thoughts, plans, timelines and revisions.

I daydream about a universe where you could make an appointment, pay a fee, sign some papers and punch out.

Knowing I could (successfully) leave whenever I want would make my life worth living.

But not having a solid out or an escape route consumes me. Like living in a house with no windows and one tiny door that you can't easily fit through.

So yes I've had them. No, they'll never go away. It's satisfying and tortuous at the same time. Knowing exactly who you are and what you want. But having no (good) idea about how to achieve it.