I want to finally apologize to the board (2 Viewers)

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Look, I didn't mean this to go in this direction. I just wanted to apologize. I know what I am. My wife proved that. She told me what a bad man I am.

I just want to be better. That's why I am trying to apologize. I deserved to be banned. Yes, it was because of how I was feeling at the time, but that means nothing. This is a website. We have rules. I broke them. It doesn't matter about human feelings.

Blue had every right to ban me.

I was wrong.
 
Hedon James said:
David, I worry about you. I don't know you, but I've seen and read your posts for YEARS, and you seem like a stand-up guy and overall good person here on SR.

You seem to be apologizing for a moment of weakness....for not being "yourself". It's okay....none of us are perfect. That includes YOU. You paid the price for your actions....served your "ban"....and now you're back. Doesn't make you a bad person, or "less than" others on here. In fact, I'd argue that you did have the intestinal fortitude to come on here and apologize for your (perceived) transgressions in a public manner. I think that says more about your TRUE character than your moment of weakness.

I don't know your whole story, and it's none of my business. But it sure sounds familiar to me. Your world has been rocked to the core, which is causing you to doubt yourself and everything you believe. Do you ask yourself "how did I get this so wrong, and what else in my world isn't real?" Because that's what I did. Existential crisis. Spoiler alert.....you made a mistake somewhere in your life, but that doesn't mean your whole life and belief system should be called into question.

While I consider myself spiritual, I'm not sure I'd call myself religious. You seem to have a closer relationship with your god than I do with mine...and I say that with deferential respect. Acknowledging my own shortcomings, I have friends who are close with their god. When life's surprises appear, they often say things like "it must be part of god's plan" or some variation on that theme. If that sounds like a hackneyed cliche, how about this....what is more believable to you....that your whole being is built on some grand false assumption, or that this ONE misfortunate event was an isolated (although important) falsehood? In my case, it was the latter....and I'm willing to bet it's the same for you.

If you can accept that premise, I reference your statement above in bold. Personally, IMO, I think you're asking the wrong question. Instead of asking WHY God allowed this, I think you should be asking WHAT God is leading you towards. If you can be open to THAT question, I think your world will change so quickly that you may want to "grab hold of the bar and keep your hands inside the cart at all times." LOL!

Best wishes and prayers for you to find some inner peace and to truly ENJOY life again!
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I truly wish I could tell you about the one and true God in 3 persons. I am hurting, but I still love my God.

Jesus is the son of God, and paid the price for our sins. I believe this. I wish I could talk to you in person. It's so hard to show the truth on an internet forum.

Of course, the way I'm feeling now, it's really hard. I just want to serve the lord my God, no matter what I 8
 
Madmarsha said:
Find.a.therapist
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Yeah, as much as we like to think we can help people here, we're no substitute for mental health professionals. Whether a therapist or psychologist, there are people who can help. And I realize there may be resistance to medicines, but there are some that can help tremendously depending on what the issues are. A professional can help. I would ask around and I'm sure there are services for veterans that can help out there.

Something else to consider. Maybe a move to a new town or something? Just throwing that out there.
 
David Robbins said:
especially to blue reader.

My wife divorced me 6 years ago. We were married for almost 21 years. I found out later that she cheated on me. It crushed me.

I am a Christian. I believe in everything the Bible says. Including divorce. I haven't been with a woman since then because I believe what scripture says.

I won't get into theology. Still, I have had a hard 6 years.

I have never lost my love for the lord, but I have felt totally alone many times. Losing someone I loved with all my heart has hurt me so much. I have not been the same man since then.

Recently I got banned for some things I said and I am sorry for what I said. I can only say that it is my ongoing hurt that causes me to reach out in depression and respond the way I do. I need to apologize to the board and to blu reader because I really feel a kinship to all of you.

I know this probably sounds lame. I really am not like this. I just am so hurt and lonely. I haven't been with anyone since my wife left me. I am just reaching out in the wrong way. I apologize for this.

I recently thought I was dying because of a pain in my throat. I thought I might have cancer. It took 6 months but just now the pain finally went away. I actually thought I had cancer. Lol.

I really don't have much to look forward to in this life. I have basically given up. I just don't care what happens to me anymore. Thats why when blue banned me I never complained.

Don't get me wrong...I'm glad he let me back. Saintsreport is all I look forward to each day.
I have not much left in my life.

I am not seeking pity for my troubles. I am just trying to apologize for what y'all think of me. I know I come off as a bad person. I am not, I am just hurting.

Anyway, I am sorry. I have tried lately to keep my posts light and funny. Hopefully y'all will all forgive me. I don't normally open up like this
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All of these good people urging you to get help, see a therapist are absolutely correct. It starts there, get the help you need first then you can go on with your life, and you may be surprised at how good life could be again...I'm speaking from personal experience....there are 2 quotes I always keep in mind regarding life...

1) Sometimes bad things happen to good people, for no good reason at all....(wife of Coach Boone in Remember the Titans), - I truly believe this is one of the best quotes about life I've ever heard....

2) Life is a short warm moment, death is long, cold rest - Pink Floyd (Free Four) - getting the help you need will help you make the best of the short warm moment....

Hope you get the help you need....
 
See a therapist. It's one of the things He sets up so that you can get help when prayer alone won't do it.
 
DaveXA said:
Yeah, as much as we like to think we can help people here, we're no substitute for mental health professionals. Whether a therapist or psychologist, there are people who can help. And I realize there may be resistance to medicines, but there are some that can help tremendously depending on what the issues are. A professional can help. I would ask around and I'm sure there are services for veterans that can help out there.

Something else to consider. Maybe a move to a new town or something? Just throwing that out there.
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Moving to a new town could help, especially if you don't have a good support system where you are. Above all, please get some help.

I have nothing but praise for having the courage to apologize like that. I don't see how you can be a bad person if you can do that. Maybe in the future, you could help someone else in a similar situation.
 
More support here for getting a therapist to help you work through all of this. It helps, I know from experience.

Also, what kind of God would require you to be single for the rest of your life and not enjoy sharing life with someone special all because of the actions of another person. Your God wants you to be lonely because your ex wife messed up? That’s not a god worthy of praise IMO.

Get on a dating app and find someone who’s religion is just as important to them as it is to you.
 
@David Robbins

I am not a frequent poster and I can say for certain you don’t know me but I wanted to reach out and say that I support and care about you.

Your feelings of guilt and self deprecation are normal forms of grief for some. You are not broken or different for feeling this way. You are not alone.

Those who are telling you to seek therapy are correct. Talking with someone helped me stop drinking and saved me from wanting to kill myself. You are worth love and happiness.

when I was sick with addiction I hated myself. I would think about how much easier things would be if I just wasn’t here. For everyone. But I am here to tell you that isn’t true. The world is a better place with you in it.

Agreeing to loving myself and being at peace with who I am was when I turned the corner. And let me tell you about feeling good. It’s like a new life. I hope for a new life for you.

take care.

And DM me is you ever would like to talk in person.
 
Matthew 19:9 - "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

David I wanted to quote this Bible verse since you believe divorce and you being in a new relationship is impossible because you're a Christian. Jesus clearly states that if your spouse is unfaithful that divorce is an acceptable solution. Your wife chose to be unfaithful. Because she cheated on you and married someone else you are completely ok to marry someone else. Jesus says this plainly in this verse.

Also, I agree that seeing a therapist would be the next step for you. You need to deal with your trauma so that you are ready to be in a relationship since that seems to be what you want.
 
David,

reading some of your posts and responses in this thread made me think of an old joke/lesson.

An old man lived down on the bayou and a flood was coming. As the waters rose, a neighbor passed by in a truck and told the old man, “get in the truck and I’ll take you to safety.” The old man replied, “I trust in God, he will take care of me” and he told the truck to leave.

The waters kept rising and the old man had to go upstairs to stay out of them. A sheriff’s officer came by in a boat and said, “come aboard and I’ll take you to safety. The old man replied, “I trust in God, he will take care of me” and he told the boat to leave.

The waters kept rising and the old man had to go on the roof to stay out of them. A Coast Guard helicopter came by and the pilot said, “come aboard and I’ll take you to safety. The old man replied, “I trust in God, he will take care of me” and he told the helicopter to leave.

Eventually the old man drowned. When he got to heaven he asked God why did God let him drown when his faith was so strong. God replied, “I sent you a truck, boat, and helicopter. What more could I have done?”

So what I’m trying to say is make sure you are open to the different ways help may come to you. It’s probably not going to be a light from heaven, but maybe a kind and caring word/suggestion from a friend on here. Make sure you are looking for and accepting of those healing moments he will send to you.
 
David Robbins said:
I just want to be better.
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What are the barriers that keep you from seeking out a mental health professional?

Don’t read anything into that question and don’t feel pressured to answer a certain way, or at all. It’s up to you.
 
DavidM said:
What are the barriers that keep you from seeking out a mental health professional?

Don’t read anything into that question and don’t feel pressured to answer a certain way, or at all. It’s up to you.
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Mainly because it's been 6years.
 

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