Im 35 years old and live with my 81 year old grandmother

Times are tough and getting tougher. You're not a loser, you're one of millions of people who are struggling in a system with increasing barriers to achieving anything resembling the American dream. My wife and I are fortunate. I know that many others are not. I also know that good fortune shouldn't play such a defining part in quality-of-life outcomes.

By living with her, you are also able to help your grandma, beyond just the financial contribution. That's not insignificant. Feel some pride that you are able to be there for her, too. Your presence might mean more to her than you know. And if there is more you can do, see if stepping up in other ways helps you feel at least a little better about the current arrangement. The right women will appreciate a man who looks after his family. Bend the narrative in your favor if you need to, without regret. A lot of the socioeconomic circumstances are beyond your control, just as they are for many others.

Above all, don't neglect your mental health.