Im 35 years old and live with my 81 year old grandmother

Only our effed up society would make you feel that way. We like to kick our kids out of the house at 18 and force them to make it or not and by making it that includes racking up tons of debt just so show they are "making it". Most Asian countries, the kids stay with the parents until they can support their own family.

You do you and anyone who thinks down on you, they can eat a sausage.

Also, I think it's admirable that you live with your grandma and can help her at this stage in her life.

When my son graduated HS, his original plan was to move in with his girlfriend's parents. The only reason he wasn't going to stay with us is we were moving cross country at the time due to a military PCS. My wife, my ex and I talked him into moving in with his grandparents b/c his grandfather wasn't doing well and they could use the help. Well he moved in and helped them. He ended up getting to spend a year with his grandfather before his passed, then he stayed and helped his grandma until he finally moved out.