Im 35 years old and live with my 81 year old grandmother

One day the conversation led us to ‘wedding books’
When I asked they said it was where they mapped out their weddings (in elaborate detail)
Pressing for further details most said they started them when they were about 11-12
I asked if they’d had boyfriends at the time or if the idea of husbands ever entered the equation
It was at that time when I became less human in their eyes and more like some strange pod creature who asked really dumb questions
I never had a hope chest but when I was mid 20s -- not dating anyone seriously, not engaged -- I would occasionally pick up an issue of those big honking brides magazines filled with pictures and pictures and pictures of wedding dresses. I felt so dumb for doing it but I couldn't help my wedding dress fever.