I don't know your struggles and my 2 cents probably don't mean a thing but you mentioned your nephew who is obviously a light in your darkness, are there other people or things in your life that are a positive?
If you can focus outside of yourself and try not to dwell on suicide, such as the question you asked. If you can see beauty in something maybe you could try to bring more of it into your life.
We are all here too, you talk to us anytime about anything, getting it out helps.
All the peace in the world to you.