I'm itching for baseball

Help, I've lost my map of Louisiana. Am I near Boston?

What the heck are yall talking about? I was wondering who these guys are they were discussing, then it hit me... Louisiana has fallen off the baseball map! Red Sox? Cubs? YANKEES! Oh God please help them!

So we're gonna ship the Saints off on some idiotic trip to England thinking those people need to figure out New Orleans is here. But....

Its the ASTROS who need some "marketing." Are you kidding me? We're in the neighboring state, and a kid from Lafayette here mentions the Yankees as "we." sigh.

So lets do this: We'll play the 2nd home cardinals series in Kenner, Cubs in Baton Rouge, so you can root also for those LSU infielders, maybe the Dodgers in Lafayette, and a series w/ the Dallas Rangers in Shreveport, so all the Cowboys fans can feel at home.

The Astros oughta be to Louisiana what the Saints are to Mississippi.

Dont take me too seriously, ok? Its all fun. But seriously, I'm excited about baseball season too. Its gonna be fun, and you know, one game out of 162 is way less stressful than one game out of 16.

Yall come see the Astros when you can. I'll be glad to help you get around H-Town. New Orleans Gulf Coast sister, Houston.

Oh, and here's your future superstar: Ladies & Gentlemen, Hunter Pence.
Really, how can you not love someone this funny looking?