You will do as you are instructed and unleash massive sheet upon command for testing due to you reaching the age of qualification where colon screening is required for all adults 45-50 and especially over the age of 50.
Failure to comply will not be tolerated. If you are lying, Cologuard will know instinctively and "pressure" compliance if need be.
But, seriously, I also believe that SNL skit was kind of subtle tongue-in-cheek humorous reference to Woody Harrelson's past heavy pot drug use and avowed activism for marijuana legalization because obviously, he was imagining or hallucinating that entire sequence of those talking Cologuard boxes as well as Keenan Ivory Thompson's UPS driver disgustingly urging him on as it wasnt really happening.