The problem of White Supremacy - Spinoff from Buffalo Shooting thread

cpg said
Intent vs. Impact is typically the root, at least in my limited experience. Both are equally important and seldom discussed between the offender and the offended. Few people lack the self awareness to perceive how they will be received.

Personal anecdote: I dated an Eritrean-born woman for about 4 months and it was one of the more educational experiences I've had when it comes to examination of my own blind spots. Something as simple and innocuous as complimenting her accent was something I'd not ever given thought to. I'd never considered the impediments her accent had created her, but fortunately, she was very gracious in her explanation. Was she being oversensitive? Perhaps. Was I being ignorant to something that could have been expressed more thoughtfully? Absolutely. I think microaggressions live somewhere in that area between well-intentioned and oblivious, and they are something I dismissed pretty cavalierly prior to that.

Articles like this, however, do very little to actuate any kind of change and seem to exist only to condemn. Understandable frustrations aside, semi-anonymous castigating of white people isn't furthering the conversation.

I think self-awareness and even being sincere isn't enough. There has to be communication and open and honest dialogue in order that people understand each other. That's difficult when one or the other is defensive for varying reasons.

Being self-aware isn't going to solve the unintentionally offending someone else. The offended individual needs to be able to articulate to the offender why they feel offended. I've unknowingly offended someone and months later, who I offended spoke up and I apologized and said I wouldn't do that again. Had she not spoken up, it would have never occurred to me that what I said hurt her. It certainly wasn't intentional, but once I understood the issue, I changed my behavior.

I think empathy is important as well, and there are not enough people who truly understand empathy. I try, but not always good at it. I've seen what my wife, who is Korean, go through, and I try to understand and validate her feelings, but I fail sometimes. I can definitely be better at it.