clearing the deck - the marriage status thread
But that's not fair to the loser. They deserve a promised return for their effort.
IDK if this is where you're at, but I caution you to be honest with yourself about how you feel. This thread makes me think maybe somewhere you know you can't accept something and it's time to address it. I could be wrong only you can judge that, but I lied to myself for far far too many years thinking we'd work it out. I refused to see she was checked out because ... her ish.
I say it like this, if you are in a plane and the cabin depressurizes you are supposed to take care of yourself first. Right now, sounds like you're trying to help her and both u and the kids suffer.
If she is dragging you down, is that what you want your kids to think is acceptable behavior? Do you want them emotionally withdrawing from their significant others or to expect that from a mate? Ya don't have to be mean about it, but if her change has reached a point where it breaks a boundary you probably need to address it for your own mental wellbeing.
All that said, if she can get the right trauma therapist can help. But do not be fooled, she's got to want to change. If you do not see that...
Obviously this is long distance mostly guess work, but u asked for perspectives. As a man who's spent the last 8 years figuring out what he did wrong after supporting an emotionless relationship for 12 years prior, all I can say is that it takes 2. You can do everything right and not be enough while another can do everything wrong and be all.
But that's not fair to the loser. They deserve a promised return for their effort.
IDK if this is where you're at, but I caution you to be honest with yourself about how you feel. This thread makes me think maybe somewhere you know you can't accept something and it's time to address it. I could be wrong only you can judge that, but I lied to myself for far far too many years thinking we'd work it out. I refused to see she was checked out because ... her ish.
I say it like this, if you are in a plane and the cabin depressurizes you are supposed to take care of yourself first. Right now, sounds like you're trying to help her and both u and the kids suffer.
If she is dragging you down, is that what you want your kids to think is acceptable behavior? Do you want them emotionally withdrawing from their significant others or to expect that from a mate? Ya don't have to be mean about it, but if her change has reached a point where it breaks a boundary you probably need to address it for your own mental wellbeing.
All that said, if she can get the right trauma therapist can help. But do not be fooled, she's got to want to change. If you do not see that...