clearing the deck - the marriage status thread
Once read that many of the world’s problems stem from a person’s inability to be by themselves
ok, this was my que to re-engage
there is obvious psychological/emotional value in being self-sufficient
BUT
we are a social species - some of us can be male lions just bebopping solo across the Serengeti, but i don't think it's 'normal'
independence seems a social construct - and learning to 'be by yourself' seems a lab experiment
my contention has always been that a partnership (any small group engagement) exists to produce more/better than each individual could manage on their own
now that obviously has a flip side
that an individual could stymie the growth of themselves and, in particular, others in relationships
and I think this is mainly why i'm not interested in jumping back into a relationship
i'd had 2 major 'come to jesus'es with myself as a romantic partner
in grad school (North Carolina) I was still in a LDR - when we were both touring artists we decided we needed to open the relationship bc we'd go months without seeing each other (I'd be on tour, she'd be teaching in Holland, etc)
in grad school I'd be very upfront with potential liaisons that I was in an LDR - but I realized later that I didn't really act like that. I would be very emotionally and physically attentive to new 'partner' so I was giving hella mixed signals
eventually I just had to realize I was hurting people and my actions were more important than my words
presently i'm almost certain I would be repeating a similar pattern