I recently went out with a guy a few times. Really nice guy. Ex NFL player (nobody major & this was like 2000-05). Has a great job, still in incredible shape… but he’s going through a divorce and was only 4 months into “the process”, 3 of those 4 months he had spent thinking they were on a trial separation & he would be going home after only to be told a month prior to meeting me that it was not a trial any longer.
they had been together off & on since college and married about 20 years & have some kids. I recall on the 2nd & last date him asking me “so how do you feel about this/us?” And I was like look, it would be remiss to not acknowledge that you are really only 1 month into this after basically being with the same person for the better part of 25 years. There will be a lot of shifting emotions and things to deal with moving forward and a lot of healing - plus you guys haven’t even started the process of dividing up assets and belongings, custody, selling the house. It’s going to get ugly.”
The only thing so far that had been done was that she filed & moved him out. While he has a really good job, I’m 110% sure that she out-earns him by a lot. She’s kind of a big deal. So it’s definitely going to get ugly.
He was trying hard to plead his case that he was over it & ready to move on. That was the moment when I knew I would never see him again. You don’t just get over 25 years with someone in a month & explained to him that accepting that the relationship ended & there would not be reconciliation is not the same thing as being “over it” and also in a good mental space to move on and try to begin a life with someone new.
I called it off because walking a man through his divorce is not my ministry. He’s good looking, articulate & has a great job. I’m sure he will find some woman willing to do that, it just won’t be me.