clearing the deck - the marriage status thread

Tapxe said
I'm going to take you to task on this.

It's 100% possible to be in a relationship where the wife does not communicate and values around the kids changed in her mind but she never told him. I've been thru that so ur assumptions are simply that assumptions in my opinion.

From my pov and possibly his, you decided u knew everything about the man and got turned off because he was willing to be vulnerable. Men don't get a whole lot of help figuring out emotions and we do it much differently than women. He got judgement and rejection in a difficult time.

My therapist would ask me if I self-sabotaged by not even giving someone a chance to prove who they are and who they are becoming. I mean, here's a person willing to be open and honest with me and rather than communicate I projected my insecurities on them instead of opening up and connecting to that vulnerability. Was I the one not ready to move forward?

I hear what you're saying, but I agree 100% with CCS. From what I gather the guy was asking her on only the second date. "How do you feel about us?" "Too soon to answer but we can revisit once you're actually divorced and free to pursue a new relationship" would be my response. At least he was honest about where he is regarding his relationship with his ex, so there's that. CCS was then honest with him regarding her feelings about his current position.

CCS decided she did know enough about him to not risk getting into a relationship with someone with those red flags. It's a fair choice and she didn't want to take the chance of being hurt. I think it's safe to say that on the second date you don't know each other well enough to decide anything, except whether or not there should be a third date. Early on my separation I met a woman with whom there was mutual interest. "Nothing happens until you're divorced. I went down that road before and got burned by the reconciliation that was never going to happen" I understood completely. We're still friends.

It's not her job to help him navigate the process that leads to his divorce. Here where I live we have the Family Law Resource Center, which is operated free of charge by the state of Maryland and they will hold your hand (like they're holding mine) and get you through the process of filing the necessary paperwork. I cannot and would not help anyone through their custody and division of marital property issues by the second date. I don't know enough about their life and it's not my ******* business this early in the game.

We can be cool, date, be friends, even FWB if appropriate, but we're not getting into anything serious until that divorce is final. In Maryland it takes about 2 weeks if both parties agree. Cost is $165.00

It's going to take me a bit longer because my ex is fighting me on division of property. Fine. I filed and the state will order mediation. We will abide by the mediator's decision.