clearing the deck - the marriage status thread

Tapxe said
I bolded why I got what I got from CCS. Only she can say if I'm right or wrong, I was only pointing out that she did not give any benefit of doubt. She admittedly did not ask him questions or make any attempt to move forward because she'd decided who he was.

CCS's next post and knowing this was an older event makes me think she's got a lot more work done and moved on possibly never considering her actions in such an old brief situation. No shame or judgement as I've been there. I'm only pointing out that there was his side of the story and she immediately questioned and disbelieved based on her own motivation rather than digging to see if he was truly interested in growing as a person.

I asked questions. I got in-depth answers beyond what I asked for which gave me insight as to where he is emotionally and mentally. This happened in November. I reiterate that when I met him, he was only separated for 4 months. 3 of those 4 months he was under the impression that he was going back home at the end of 3 months & very much wanted to save his marriage. When I met him, he was only a month removed from being told the trial separation was permanent. He is 48 years old and had been with his wife since he was 20 (with some openness in the relationship when he was in the NFL & Euro league). Married for 20 years. You don't get over that in 1 month - particularly if you were the one "blindsided" by the separation and not wanting the divorce.

They have a $1.2 million dollar house that they do not intend to sell until June-ish when this school year was over due to the kids. Speaking of kids, he works remotely. For some reason, the wife's mom is living with his wife helping her with school pickups and taking the kids to sports. Why isn't he doing that? Why is he living in a short-term rental centrally when they live up in the suburbs and if he was truly "over it" and there was "no going back" why doesn't he have a permanent place up near his kids to help with things with the kids because supposedly they both have agreed to keeping the kids in the same school because they are in high school?

At the end of the day, I don't need to ask questions. He's still married and that's enough for me to say no. I am not required to give anyone still married the benefit of the doubt. I am completely free and able to date and fully commit myself to someone. I am under no obligation to do the same for someone else who cannot.

And if he was already divorced and had his life sorted out & able to really be in a relationship, all this baggage would have never had to be a topic of discussion FOR A SECOND DATE and we would have instead been discussing our likes and dislikes and seeing if we were compatible as opposed to negotiating a potential situation in which he was still married. JFC I cannot believe I even have to explain this.