clearing the deck - the marriage status thread
IAnd declining to continue to date a man is not automatically the same thing as denigrating him for having and showing emotions.
Other people have commented, but I think this is really important to highlight. Deciding not date someone is not the same thing as belittling, denigrating, degrading, etc someone. Especially after only 2 dates. That is very much in the getting to know you phase... and at the point, you can decide not to date anyone for any reason at all, superficial or otherwise. That is not some major pronouncement of that person's worth as an individual, it's just a "not clicking, moving on". It doesn't even matter if CCS is wrong or right about her perception of this guy's marriage -- it's been 2 dates, it didn't click, everyone should be grateful to find out now instead of a year down the line.
It really is tricky though with the idea of emotional vulnerability and what you should expect from someone... and the answer is always, it depends. A date should never be a therapist. But a partner should also be supportive and helpful. To be personal for a minute b/c that's what we're doing here... I'm nearing 50, and it has me feeling some certain kind of way. It might be manopause, mid-life crisis or whatever. And I have been way more irritable and grumpy over the last year. Like a lot of men, I'm not great at opening up emotionally, but I decided to do so with my wife, especially since she's the one that's had to put up with me even while she's dealing with other things. And it's really hard and does not come naturally to me at all, and a lot of that is fear... however, I did it, and as I logically expected (and had a right to expect as my wife of 25 years) she was wonderful and supportive and our marriage is better for it. However, if for whatever reason I was single, I don't think it would be all that egregious for someone I was just starting to date to hear that and think -- "nice guy, but he needs to figure some stuff out first". I think context, history, goals and so on all need to be taken into account.