It’s a question I’ve had to wrestle with as my own marriage unraveled - it’s a question i still don’t know the answer to — and I also question is the answer is important
Because of trauma mostly from her teen years, my wife has found it difficult to trust and to be vulnerable
The fallout of that means she has difficulty being honest
The question I’ve wrestled with the last few years is whether my wife is lying to herself or to me
And then I have to ask, since the result of that lying lands on me about the same regardless of intent, does it matter who she’s lying to?
In your example it doesn’t matter - the person receiving the bogus information was lied to - period
I wonder if there’s the possibility of progress if the lie was self-deception