Any advice for a 1st time dad (1 Viewer)

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As far as activities.....

Put her in tennis at a young age.

Expose her to it....then If she doesn’t like it, cool.

If she does, even better.

It’s a sport that can be played her entire life.
It has so many great athletic skills that translates to other sports. It also has life skills that develop in tennis.

Also, teach her to swim before she’s 2.
 
Lots of advice about being a step parent. My one advice about being a new parent, don't treat her like she is more important than your other children. Raise them as equal brothers & sisters. Love them all equally & everything else works out.

Other than that, sleep dude, whenever you can get it and know that momma has everything twice as hard as you. Take care of her. Also, Cherish every frigging minute of this! I can't stress that enough. They grow up SO fast!. Love them unconditionally, engage them constantly. Be in their lives and teach them everything you love about life.
 
MLU said:
3) For girls, confidence is a big deal. Start early. @Oye can recommend a good book. I forget the title.
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Meant to post this a couple of days ago - this is the book:

Your Child's Self-Esteem: Step-by-Step Guidelines for Raising Responsible, Productive, Happy Children

and it's great, accessible. Maybe dated? I am not up on Child Psych. But it's been working so far.

So here are a few thoughts in addition...

1. The other book that was instrumental for us:

On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

We used this with each one of our kids. And it was indispensable. They were sleeping well pretty early on and they have been great sleepers since. When parents come over, many comment how they wish they could just tell their kids to go to bed and they'd listen. Other parents share stories about bedtime routines taking 45 minutes to over an hour and we can't fathom that.

It's not easy to do, esp at first. But the longterm benefits have been amazing for us, paying dividends for years.

2. Travel with the baby early

When our oldest, now 11, was young we took her with us on the road - driving from Toronto to Lake Charles. Three times within one year, because I was working between Louisiana and Toronto. She was 6 weeks old, 6 months old, and one year old on each of these trips. Again, tedious because we stopped so often and it made a long trip even longer, but since then, we make the trip annually and the kids are all really good.

Traveling with other kids and seeing meltdowns after like 30 minutes, we are glad we did what we did when we did. Because we travel, and they *need* to be good.

3. Maybe you don't connect immediately

The biggest thing for me was not feeling that life-changing feeling that everyone talked about. "Holding her in my arms it was instantly love!"

It wasn't, for me.

I looked at this blob of flesh - this 10 pound mess of rolls - and knew she was my daughter, and I was happy, but it was so muted. It definitely wasn't what my dad told me or what other people told me or what I saw in movies.

And I saw my wife hold her in a way that it was clear I didn't feel the same way about my daughter. She 'knew' her for months, felt her, carried her. I didn't have a connection, so I thought I was broken as a dad before I even got a chance.

But over the next 6 weeks, it built up over time and was amazing. And then I had 3 years with her at home, 3 days a week while I was researching and writing. It was glorious and we built a bond that has sustained ever since.

So I would say that if you don't feel something instant - and you still might - that doesn't deliver Hollywood stars, that doesn't mean you won't. And don't be too hard on yourself.

4. Talk to them as you would anyone else, listen to music you enjoy with them, and read to them as much as you possibly can. For my kids, their vocabulary, interest in reading, enjoyment of music is so much more tolerable. And as soon as you can, integrate them in your hobbies - for me, basketball and NASCAR and football and instruments and cooking and so on they take an interest in. And the more they get exposed to, the more they develop their niches.

5. Kids shows - "Stella and Sam" is, by FAR, our favorite series for kids. It's a Canadian-book and cartoon, with an excellent folk/acoustic soundtrack. But be ready to endure a lot of television that might drive you crazy.

Avoid "Calliou" like the plague. Like.... don't even give it a shot. It's terrible.
 
Spend as much time with her as you can....especially when she is 7-11 years old. Turn down the overtime, the money will be there. Don't miss a moment. Don't allow her to drift apart from you, even as she becomes a teenager. Love her unconditionally. I'm sure you've heard the cliché, "they grow up so fast"......words could not be truer.
 
from the files of what NOT to do:

So, we've been watching Hamilton and listening to the soundtrack. In the song "The Room Where it Happened" there's a line that says "Where the sausage gets made"

Well, the kids wanted to know what that line was about. What, after all, does sausage have to do with the musical?

So, I explained to my older two children - girl, age 11 and boy, age 7 - what it meant.

I talked to them about Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" and what role it played in changing food production in packing plants and factories. I talked to them about how squalid the conditions were and how the 'meat' wasn't really always meat and could be sawdust or bones or offal or whatever else was hanging around in the factory.

They were aghast.

I also thought to myself, "Hey - opportunity to explain to them how good a life they actually have."

So I then started talking to them about poverty and class and Child Labor Laws. And I explained to them how little children, their age, were exploited for their labor and their tiny, dextrous hands and minimal needs, generally.

How if they lived 100 years ago, they'd probably wake up early, get on a bus with a bunch of other kids, and head down to a factory to work 10 hours a day with no food and for pennies. And how they'd be asked to work on machines that couldn't tell pork from beef from little kid. And how children were routinely maimed and disfigured as a result of these practices.

What I expected was the kids to say, "Boy dad, we sure have it lucky! And we'll never ever complain again about anything. Ever. You're awesome, dad, for not sending us to work in a factory!"

That's not what happened.

My son didn't sleep well at all last night. And all today, he couldn't let it go; he kept asking me and my wife, "But what happened with the kids in the machine, Dad? What happened to them? Are they okay? Did they come home to their mom and dad?"

I really should not tell anyone how to be a parent.
 
Oye said:
from the files of what NOT to do:

So, we've been watching Hamilton and listening to the soundtrack. In the song "The Room Where it Happened" there's a line that says "Where the sausage gets made"

Well, the kids wanted to know what that line was about. What, after all, does sausage have to do with the musical?

So, I explained to my older two children - girl, age 11 and boy, age 7 - what it meant.

I talked to them about Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" and what role it played in changing food production in packing plants and factories. I talked to them about how squalid the conditions were and how the 'meat' wasn't really always meat and could be sawdust or bones or offal or whatever else was hanging around in the factory.

They were aghast.

I also thought to myself, "Hey - opportunity to explain to them how good a life they actually have."

So I then started talking to them about poverty and class and Child Labor Laws. And I explained to them how little children, their age, were exploited for their labor and their tiny, dextrous hands and minimal needs, generally.

How if they lived 100 years ago, they'd probably wake up early, get on a bus with a bunch of other kids, and head down to a factory to work 10 hours a day with no food and for pennies. And how they'd be asked to work on machines that couldn't tell pork from beef from little kid. And how children were routinely maimed and disfigured as a result of these practices.

What I expected was the kids to say, "Boy dad, we sure have it lucky! And we'll never ever complain again about anything. Ever. You're awesome, dad, for not sending us to work in a factory!"

That's not what happened.

My son didn't sleep well at all last night. And all today, he couldn't let it go; he kept asking me and my wife, "But what happened with the kids in the machine, Dad? What happened to them? Are they okay? Did they come home to their mom and dad?"

I really should not tell anyone how to be a parent.
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Are you available for babysitting if I have to go back before my kids?
Perhaps lessons in pre-anesthetic surgery or maybe medieval virology?
 
Prayer certainly couldnt hurt. That's all I got since I have never been a father lol

Congratz and good luck. Remember, if the mom is not happy then nobody is happy
 
Swamprat said:
We have three, all in their 20s now...

For sure your life will be changing for the better...As others have mentioned, pay attention to Mom and help her out as much as possible. Cook, clean, change diapers, baby feeding, shop, take the boys out for a while, bring them to their school/sports activities and etc.. I'd also suggest for you to take the lead in a coordinated approach with the boys to cover some of these things, their active involvement would help Mom immensely. And don't forget about the perspective of the older ones, they've been receiving all the attention and now someone else is joining the gang and they may feel 'distanced'... hence, the suggestion of coordinated participation and involvement, with a splash of something for them.

If the newbie is a girl, those two boys are likely to be strong protectors of their lil Sis. If it's a boy, they'll make sure he'll be eating dog food out of a bowl by the time he's three.

.... I heard this so many times, but it's difficult to fully comprehend until you're there. Fully appreciate every moment you have with those young ones. Sure, they'll be the leaky dirty diaper, 103deg fever at 3am, broken windows, door knob holes in the sheet rock but there's also the final round of the 4th grade spelling bee, first goal in soccer, learning the types of matter, learning to ride a bike, starting a siphon for gas and forgetting to cover the tube, and many hundreds of other things. You're in a special time, but it won't last forever.... In fact, it's "blink of an eye" fast. I always told my kids I wished I had the "remote control for life" so I could hit the pause button and enjoy it a while, I never could find that button... These days, the loudest thing in my house is the fridge.... I miss 'em.
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^^This^^

They grow up fast man. Enjoy every minute, even when they get you PO.

Congrats, and good luck!
 
Marty_Graw said:
Step 1 - Make sure it's actually yours
Step 2 - What were you thinking? Contraceptive methods are still reasonably inexpensive.
Step 3 - Don't allow him/her to grow up with aspirations of being an attorney , drummer, or a dance instructor. That will never end well. Neither will allowing him/her to grow up as an Australian, alligator empathizer.

Good Luck!
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FIFY. Drummers are a bad lot. Most of the ones I know are total reprobates. :hihi:

The first three months are pure hard work. After that it gets easier and the first time your child really smiles at you, you're toast. Done. End of story :)

My daughter is 7 and I've been wrapped around her finger for at least 6 1/2 of those years :hihi:
 
guidomerkinsrules said:
Are you available for babysitting if I have to go back before my kids?
Perhaps lessons in pre-anesthetic surgery or maybe medieval virology?
Click to expand...

yep

I just performed at a 4-year old kids’ party. We had a really nice session about what electric chair executions actually do to the human body.

The interactive component was particularly popular.
 

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