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Tuesday I took off a little early and headed home. It was raining, again, so I headed into the study where our family computer sits. After my checking email I logged onto saintsreport and composed a know who to pull for thread. Then I surfed over to an LSU site where I post as paper cat.
I had been on the computer a couple of hours when my wife got home. "I am home" she yells from the kitchen. "Hi hon" I holler back. I know she will appear soon and want her turn on the computer. She likes to read my daughter's blog and cyber shop.
Right on cue, after she walks the dogs, she appears in the study. "How much longer will you be" she asks. "Not much longer, I just got on" I lie. She knows I am lying about just getting on. She knows I am lying about a little bit longer. She knows the only thing she can do is wait me out.
"So what are you doing?" she asks. "Talking to your friends Igor and chairman mao on saintsdeport?"
"Actually its Eeyore and chairman lmao, and yes I am talking with some friends". Well I know where this is headed. She thinks its weird I talk with guys I dont know on the internet with names like Eeyore, Onepeat and Wolbrat. If she knew Wolbrat was actually a girl I would probably get in trouble. On the other hand, for all I know Eeyore is a chick, Onepeat is a ten year old and Wolbrat a lumberjack. It is the internets.
Mercifully my wife leaves so I can surf in peace. I know she has something up her sleeve. A few minutes later she is back with a couple beers. "How about a beer, sweetheart?" she asks in her fake being nice to me voice that she doesnt know I know is fake. I am so far ahead of her. I know exactly what she is up to. If she can fill me with beer, I'll have to get up and pee sooner or later.
"Sure honeybunch", I reply in my fake nice voice that she knows is fake but I dont know she knows its fake. "I'll have brewski with you". What she doesnt know, and has yet to figure out, is that I wear astronaut diapers on my turn. You could wear one of these things for a week they absorb so much.
About four beers and two hours later I notice she is starting to get angry. Its a very subtle thing but I can tell. "How much frigging longer are you going to be?" she asks. "I am almost finished" I lie again. "Just let me finish this post". I love it when the air conditioner is turned down real low and my diaper is beerpee warm and cozy. I can do this all night. I know if I give up my spot I will never get it back.
"Thats enough" she practically screams at me. "Its my turn. Tell Frank the Yat you will get back to him". "Rat" I calmly respond. "Its Frank the Rat and I am not talking to him right now. I am on the college board arguing with Loose Cannon and Spam. God I hope Oklahoma beats Texas. I am gonna so rub it in on LC if that happens."
Well now she just storms out. No sex for me tonight I figure, but thats okay. That will give me a few days to clear up the diaper rash and save me some explaining. I think I will surf over to the EE board and see if there are any best looking movie starlet threads floating around.
"Whats that smell?" I wonder to myself. Something is burning for sure. "Fire" I hear my wife scream. "Come quick".
Damn it. I had just opened up an entire thread of Jessica Biel pictures. It will have to wait. As I sprint towards the kitchen I see a pan on the stove with a small grease fire going. The wife is nowhere to be found. Rats, I have been had.
When I get back to the study, sure enough, there she is. "Thanks honeybear for putting out that fire". I dont know how that happened". She got me and there was no sense being a poor sport. "No problem sweetie" I answer, "are you going to be much longer with the computer?"
"Not much longer" she lies. "This seat is wet, did you spill something here?"
I had been on the computer a couple of hours when my wife got home. "I am home" she yells from the kitchen. "Hi hon" I holler back. I know she will appear soon and want her turn on the computer. She likes to read my daughter's blog and cyber shop.
Right on cue, after she walks the dogs, she appears in the study. "How much longer will you be" she asks. "Not much longer, I just got on" I lie. She knows I am lying about just getting on. She knows I am lying about a little bit longer. She knows the only thing she can do is wait me out.
"So what are you doing?" she asks. "Talking to your friends Igor and chairman mao on saintsdeport?"
"Actually its Eeyore and chairman lmao, and yes I am talking with some friends". Well I know where this is headed. She thinks its weird I talk with guys I dont know on the internet with names like Eeyore, Onepeat and Wolbrat. If she knew Wolbrat was actually a girl I would probably get in trouble. On the other hand, for all I know Eeyore is a chick, Onepeat is a ten year old and Wolbrat a lumberjack. It is the internets.
Mercifully my wife leaves so I can surf in peace. I know she has something up her sleeve. A few minutes later she is back with a couple beers. "How about a beer, sweetheart?" she asks in her fake being nice to me voice that she doesnt know I know is fake. I am so far ahead of her. I know exactly what she is up to. If she can fill me with beer, I'll have to get up and pee sooner or later.
"Sure honeybunch", I reply in my fake nice voice that she knows is fake but I dont know she knows its fake. "I'll have brewski with you". What she doesnt know, and has yet to figure out, is that I wear astronaut diapers on my turn. You could wear one of these things for a week they absorb so much.
About four beers and two hours later I notice she is starting to get angry. Its a very subtle thing but I can tell. "How much frigging longer are you going to be?" she asks. "I am almost finished" I lie again. "Just let me finish this post". I love it when the air conditioner is turned down real low and my diaper is beerpee warm and cozy. I can do this all night. I know if I give up my spot I will never get it back.
"Thats enough" she practically screams at me. "Its my turn. Tell Frank the Yat you will get back to him". "Rat" I calmly respond. "Its Frank the Rat and I am not talking to him right now. I am on the college board arguing with Loose Cannon and Spam. God I hope Oklahoma beats Texas. I am gonna so rub it in on LC if that happens."
Well now she just storms out. No sex for me tonight I figure, but thats okay. That will give me a few days to clear up the diaper rash and save me some explaining. I think I will surf over to the EE board and see if there are any best looking movie starlet threads floating around.
"Whats that smell?" I wonder to myself. Something is burning for sure. "Fire" I hear my wife scream. "Come quick".
Damn it. I had just opened up an entire thread of Jessica Biel pictures. It will have to wait. As I sprint towards the kitchen I see a pan on the stove with a small grease fire going. The wife is nowhere to be found. Rats, I have been had.
When I get back to the study, sure enough, there she is. "Thanks honeybear for putting out that fire". I dont know how that happened". She got me and there was no sense being a poor sport. "No problem sweetie" I answer, "are you going to be much longer with the computer?"
"Not much longer" she lies. "This seat is wet, did you spill something here?"
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To avoid this type of incident at my house (with 2 adults and 3 kids), we have two computers. I didn't think we needed a second one, but I won it at a raffle and it definitely makes things easier.