being a step parent (1 Viewer)

[Vega$$aint]

I'm getting married in december and becoming an insta-dad. I'm loving it. She has 2 kids (8 and 6) from a previous marriage, I have none. Obviously, we plan on having our own as well, but that is a little down the road. We are celebrating holidays (first time the kids get to do most of them) We did christmas, made a gingerbread house. we are doing easter, just did easter eggs and I'm making them baskets and going to make them find them easter morning with clues.

I think I'm doing great so far and the kids seem to respect me and like me. My question is to those who have been in my position before and I would like to get some tips to help me in the future. What should i expect? What did you learn?

The mom can be tough on them and I will punish them also. I don't want to be the pushover and they seem to respect that. I'm sure in the future there will be times that the tension will be tougher, but i see it more as a challenge and a learning experience for all involved.

Just for a little background info, the father is not in the picture very much, but has communication and has them close to a month out of the each year. He lives a state away. He does seem to be there while they are together. I try to stay away from that aspect, but respect the fact that he does show the effort he does.

This is all new to me, but it really is a fun and learning experience. I love the mom so much and see this marriage lasting forever obviously (who wouldn't if you are getting married lol) I know it's a package deal and am all in and enjoying every minute.

eric

 

[Big_L]

Good luck. Being a step parent was the hardest thing I have ever done. It's a fine line you have to walk. The child I had to deal with was significantly older, so that made it more difficult. However, I am divorced from his mother and he and I remain friends, on Facebook!

 

[Hawkeye Saint]

My Son and daughter were 14 and 8 respectively when theri mother and I met. I have a daughter from a previous marriage who was the same age (8). We all moved in together over twenty years ago. 3 grandson's, 1 daughter in law, 1 son in law, they all consider me their father/Grandpa.

No exceptions.

It was work, for all of us. But it's the being there forthem that counts.

When you can take the word "step" out of the equation, you've accomplished what you set out to do: formed a loving, life long, cohesive family unit.

 

[Broknbusted]

When you can take the word "step" out of the equation, you've accomplished what you set out to do: formed a loving, life long, cohesive family unit.

I can't stress this part enough!

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and we have 8 kids. From the time we chose to get married, I have said I have 8 kids. I don't call them my step children. They are all my kids.

It took my wife about 3 years to realize I did that. Whenever we were asked how many kids we had, I would always answer 8. She would interject " Yes, but 6 are his and 2 are mine" because of the reaction when you say you have 8 kids. One day it clicked on her that 8 kids were ours. She no longer points out the 6-2 ratio.

It helps that the kids were younger when we got together. It is also a HUGE HUGE help that the exes in the picture get along for the most part.

Just love the kids, realize there is a learning curve, support mom when she disciplines them, be there for them when they need a dad, and if all else fails, refer back to just love the kids!

Congrats on the upcoming wedding!!

 

[parlorcitysaint]

Take some consolation that no matter what they did wrong, it's not because of your bloodline.


It's because you raised 'em wrong.



Congratulations and good luck.

 

[klewis33]

I married my wife who had 2 daughters. At the time they were 10 & 7. Great girls, the only time I disciplined is if they talked back which is seldom or didnt do what they were told. Oh, and close the dang cereal box when done. I very seldom get on to them but their mom does. My 2 boys who are alot younger, I will be alot more disciplined with. I enjoy being a step dad.

 

[Vega$$aint]

I'm enjoying it also, I'm a big kid myself. I got someone to play video games and do arts and crafts now.

 

[XXXtraAnchovies]

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[SuePrudhomme]

I don't have any advice to add, but I did feel moved to post and tell you how wonderful it is for these kids that they have such a loving and compassionate step-dad in their lives. That goes for all of you who've posted about loving your kids, step- and otherwise.

You are awesome!

 

[Hawkeye Saint]

I married my wife who had 2 daughters. At the time they were 10 & 7. Great girls, the only time I disciplined is if they talked back which is seldom or didnt do what they were told. Oh, and close the dang cereal box when done. I very seldom get on to them but their mom does. My 2 boys who are alot younger, I will be alot more disciplined with. I enjoy being a step dad.

Beware the perils of the perceived double standard my friend. It breeds resentment. Never a good thing.

 

[Shockmo]

Just get to know them and truly love them ....everything else will be easy.