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That’s what inventing is. More or less. Like Newton invented gravity.
Corona Drinking Thread (renamed) (12 Viewers)
- Thread starterCapitalCitySaint
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It’s nyet. Unless maybe you are speaking Ukrainian.
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- #10,953
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Not me. Get it off the shelf. I don’t love olives.
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the chee-weez cruise would probably be fun.
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yeah. i realised that as i posted it. maybe it was anita's family.
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Torgo
I am Torgo
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And, on cue, I just experienced your invention. Barely room for tonic. Probably, could have gotten two drinks out of what I thought would be one. At least, I have another bottle.
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Anyone still going? The misses sacked out a little while ago, so I’m sippin’ some tequila, listening to some Free and enjoying being a Colorado resident.
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I don't know what is free but we are about to get some weather in SELA.
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Torgo
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Still going. Watching Scott Pilgrim vs the World on Netflix. I find it funny that Captain America, Captain Marvel and Superman are all in this movie.
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Army of Darkness is on - might watch this for a while.
Torgo
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Great flick.
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So anyone want to hear about my story about getting solicited/sexually assaulted while getting a massage a couple of weeks ago?
So a couple of weeks ago I slept funny and my neck was bothering me. My wife has a spa membership and gets monthly massages (it's a corporate chain place, very professional) and I'll get one every once in a while.
Anyway, my wife tried to schedule me one for my neck and they couldn't get me in until the following weekend, so I googled "massage near me" and the first place that popped up was about a mile or so from my house. I click on the website, it says they just opened a second location, so I'm thinking it's a chain so it's probably like my wife's place.
I call, a woman answers the phone speaking broken English and says they can get me in right away. Perfect. I take a quick shower (both as a courtesy to the therapist and to help loosen up a bit) and head over.
I get there and there's no one up front, but a middle aged Asian woman comes from the back, asks if I'm the one who called, waves me into one of the rooms. She tells me the price and left to run my credit card while I undressed (in retrospect, perhaps paying up front should have been a tip off).
Now for the record, I've of course heard of "rub'n'tugs," but I assumed you had to seek them out, that they'd be in seedy parts of town, not in the same parking lot as my dentist, right next to the Safeway where we used to order birthday cakes for our kids, literally right next door to a church. Getting solicited was the last thing on my mind.
So the massage starts off fine, lots of elbows and forearms, good pressure. I'm face down and she works her way down from my shoulders and gets to my waist. This was when things started to get...odd.
As a courtesy to the therapist, when I get a massage I'll wear a pair of thick cotton boxer shorts, basically the equivalent of NBA shorts in the '70s, so they can work on where they need to and not have to worry about any creepy "accidental slips" or anything like that. So when the masseuse got to my waist she starts to say (again, broken English) something to the effect that my waistband was thick, and that if I pulled it down she could all the way to the base of my back.
So I'm thinking she's just asking me to adjust it down a little -- the waist band is kind of thick. I thought it was a little odd, but I've had no reason to think anything is amiss. And she's foreign, so maybe this is normal? Anyway, I don't want to be the one to make things weird, and she keeps saying I need to pull them down, so I'm like "whatever" and slide my waistband down a little...and then she pulls my shorts off. What the fork?
I was honestly stunned speechless, but then she goes back to work with her forearm, and I'm thinking, this doesn't seem normal, but I've only gotten massages at that one other place, so...maybe it is normal? I'm facing down, and still under a sheet. And she's a middle aged Chinese woman, and a lot of other cultures are more comfortable with nudity than in America, so maybe she's seen so many arses that it's just no big deal. ("Don't be the one to make it weird. She's just giving you a massage, it would be really offensive to suggest otherwise and be wrong. This can't really be be a 'happy ending' joint...can it?")
So she moves down behind me to start working my hamstrings, working from top to bottom...but starting really close to my arse. So close that she would graze my arse crack. And again, I'm trying to tell myself it's innocent, she's just trying to get to the top of my hammy's. And she's not touching my butthole or anything...but she does seem to graze my arse crack more than a few times.
But then she finishes and moves down to my calves, everything seems fine again. She leaves for a sec, I reach over and check my phone to see how much time is left before I can get out of there, and she comes back with some hot stones.
I'd never had hot stones before, but they were great, so I'm thinking, "okay, everything's fine. A couple of weird things, but overall it's been a good massage."
She turns me over to work my neck and shoulders and then works down to my left hand. Then she notices my wedding ring and starts to ask if I'm married and have kids, which I answer yes, ("okay, good, normal small talk"). I ask if she has any kids, she says "no," but then starts to tell me that I'm "so young" and I'm too young to have kids. Which is clearly not true, but maybe she's just angling for a good tip, right?
She works the right arm and then goes back to the shoulders. Everything seems fine again...but then as she finished she rubbed my chest, and then as she pulled her hands away she kind of swiped my nipples simultaneously.
Okay, that was intentional. And that was not normal. Holy forking sheet, she is trying to solicit me.
So she goes to finish on my feet, and I'm just wanting to let her finish so I can get the fork out of there without making a scene. I'm suddenly having a panic attack that any second the place is gonna get raided, and I'm going to end up on the local news getting walked out, handcuffed in nothing but a towel, pleading to no avail that "I only wanted a massage, my neck really was hurting, I promise!" as I get pushed into a squad car while ladies from the church next door scold and shame me for whoremongering.
She finishes one foot, gives it a slap, works the other foot and give it slap, and then slaps hers hands to suggest she's down. She says "Well..." as if she's about to lead into something else, but before she can, I interject (acting oblivious), "All done? That was great, thanks!" and I start to sit and pull away from her and wrap the sheet around me. But then she stepped toward me, and actually reached out to touch one of my nipples again ("AHHH!"), so I just turned away, "Well alrighty, I gotta get going now, thanks again!"
Then I think she realized I wasn't interested in anything further and asked if I'd like her to get me some water while I dressed. "Yes, that would be great!" I got dressed as quick as I could, tipped her 25% and got the fork out of there.
So yeah, that was kind of bizarre. And icky.
I'm actually a little conflicted about the place. On the one hand, if people choose to be sex workers I feel that's their choice to make, and giving handjobs in a suburban shopping center massage parlor might be a step up from whatever fresh hell she escaped from (she mentioned she'd only been in the States four years).
On the other hand, you hear about trafficking and women who are promised a job, but when they arrive have their passports taken away and are forced into prostitution to pay off the cost of their passage, and you just hope it's nothing like that.
Either way, I'll never go back.
And that's the story about my creepy massage.
So a couple of weeks ago I slept funny and my neck was bothering me. My wife has a spa membership and gets monthly massages (it's a corporate chain place, very professional) and I'll get one every once in a while.
Anyway, my wife tried to schedule me one for my neck and they couldn't get me in until the following weekend, so I googled "massage near me" and the first place that popped up was about a mile or so from my house. I click on the website, it says they just opened a second location, so I'm thinking it's a chain so it's probably like my wife's place.
I call, a woman answers the phone speaking broken English and says they can get me in right away. Perfect. I take a quick shower (both as a courtesy to the therapist and to help loosen up a bit) and head over.
I get there and there's no one up front, but a middle aged Asian woman comes from the back, asks if I'm the one who called, waves me into one of the rooms. She tells me the price and left to run my credit card while I undressed (in retrospect, perhaps paying up front should have been a tip off).
Now for the record, I've of course heard of "rub'n'tugs," but I assumed you had to seek them out, that they'd be in seedy parts of town, not in the same parking lot as my dentist, right next to the Safeway where we used to order birthday cakes for our kids, literally right next door to a church. Getting solicited was the last thing on my mind.
So the massage starts off fine, lots of elbows and forearms, good pressure. I'm face down and she works her way down from my shoulders and gets to my waist. This was when things started to get...odd.
As a courtesy to the therapist, when I get a massage I'll wear a pair of thick cotton boxer shorts, basically the equivalent of NBA shorts in the '70s, so they can work on where they need to and not have to worry about any creepy "accidental slips" or anything like that. So when the masseuse got to my waist she starts to say (again, broken English) something to the effect that my waistband was thick, and that if I pulled it down she could all the way to the base of my back.
So I'm thinking she's just asking me to adjust it down a little -- the waist band is kind of thick. I thought it was a little odd, but I've had no reason to think anything is amiss. And she's foreign, so maybe this is normal? Anyway, I don't want to be the one to make things weird, and she keeps saying I need to pull them down, so I'm like "whatever" and slide my waistband down a little...and then she pulls my shorts off. What the fork?
I was honestly stunned speechless, but then she goes back to work with her forearm, and I'm thinking, this doesn't seem normal, but I've only gotten massages at that one other place, so...maybe it is normal? I'm facing down, and still under a sheet. And she's a middle aged Chinese woman, and a lot of other cultures are more comfortable with nudity than in America, so maybe she's seen so many arses that it's just no big deal. ("Don't be the one to make it weird. She's just giving you a massage, it would be really offensive to suggest otherwise and be wrong. This can't really be be a 'happy ending' joint...can it?")
So she moves down behind me to start working my hamstrings, working from top to bottom...but starting really close to my arse. So close that she would graze my arse crack. And again, I'm trying to tell myself it's innocent, she's just trying to get to the top of my hammy's. And she's not touching my butthole or anything...but she does seem to graze my arse crack more than a few times.
But then she finishes and moves down to my calves, everything seems fine again. She leaves for a sec, I reach over and check my phone to see how much time is left before I can get out of there, and she comes back with some hot stones.
I'd never had hot stones before, but they were great, so I'm thinking, "okay, everything's fine. A couple of weird things, but overall it's been a good massage."
She turns me over to work my neck and shoulders and then works down to my left hand. Then she notices my wedding ring and starts to ask if I'm married and have kids, which I answer yes, ("okay, good, normal small talk"). I ask if she has any kids, she says "no," but then starts to tell me that I'm "so young" and I'm too young to have kids. Which is clearly not true, but maybe she's just angling for a good tip, right?
She works the right arm and then goes back to the shoulders. Everything seems fine again...but then as she finished she rubbed my chest, and then as she pulled her hands away she kind of swiped my nipples simultaneously.
Okay, that was intentional. And that was not normal. Holy forking sheet, she is trying to solicit me.
So she goes to finish on my feet, and I'm just wanting to let her finish so I can get the fork out of there without making a scene. I'm suddenly having a panic attack that any second the place is gonna get raided, and I'm going to end up on the local news getting walked out, handcuffed in nothing but a towel, pleading to no avail that "I only wanted a massage, my neck really was hurting, I promise!" as I get pushed into a squad car while ladies from the church next door scold and shame me for whoremongering.
She finishes one foot, gives it a slap, works the other foot and give it slap, and then slaps hers hands to suggest she's down. She says "Well..." as if she's about to lead into something else, but before she can, I interject (acting oblivious), "All done? That was great, thanks!" and I start to sit and pull away from her and wrap the sheet around me. But then she stepped toward me, and actually reached out to touch one of my nipples again ("AHHH!"), so I just turned away, "Well alrighty, I gotta get going now, thanks again!"
Then I think she realized I wasn't interested in anything further and asked if I'd like her to get me some water while I dressed. "Yes, that would be great!" I got dressed as quick as I could, tipped her 25% and got the fork out of there.
So yeah, that was kind of bizarre. And icky.
I'm actually a little conflicted about the place. On the one hand, if people choose to be sex workers I feel that's their choice to make, and giving handjobs in a suburban shopping center massage parlor might be a step up from whatever fresh hell she escaped from (she mentioned she'd only been in the States four years).
On the other hand, you hear about trafficking and women who are promised a job, but when they arrive have their passports taken away and are forced into prostitution to pay off the cost of their passage, and you just hope it's nothing like that.
Either way, I'll never go back.
And that's the story about my creepy massage.
Last edited:
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woulda been a better story if it opened with -
'''Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me but...."
'''Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me but...."
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