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While what you've been through is no doubt a difficult road, keep in mind that right now we are all being forced to sit with ourselves and all of our bullshirt. The distractions that kept us focused on something more productive, positive or simply to avoid thinking about a particular thing; have faded.
I am not suggesting that having distractions is a good or bad thing; just that we are all literally being forced to sit and think about ALLLLLL the things good and bad. Because we are human beings, we tend to focus more on the negative. I certainly have. For the past 2.5 months, I've probably reflected on every "mistake" or bad thing I've ever done in my life or had happen to me. It's uncomfortable and at times you can feel helpless, unable to move forward because we literally can't plan much right now or simply decide to do something different and go out and do it.
There are good days and very bad days. This is normal.
Also, and not to take away from anything you said, you also reminded me of how cheap men are in San Diego. I haven't been able to figure out if they don't want to seriously date someone (I am 40 okay...not like I'm 22) because they are immature and still very inexperienced (never been married and/or don't have kids and don't know how to take anyone other than themselves into consideration) or if it's because it's expensive to live here and most are cheap and can't afford to take women on proper dates. I don't know but men in the south are different (better) and I miss it.
Be honest.....how many PMs did that lead to