Fair or Foul? (1 Viewer)

[DCSaints_Fan]

I don't remember ever being at a birthday party held away from school where all my classmates were present.

Same here. With my nephew who was in pre-school though, the rule is the entire class had to be invited or no one was invited. As early as second grade I only remember having like a half a dozen friends and the girl I had a crush on

 

[tomwaits]

Another thing to look out for, that kid might end up getting you a lame gift like Ants in the Pants.

 

[Charlie Brizzown]

I think it’s healthy that you’re revisiting this after all these years.

 

[0rion]

I don't remember ever being at a birthday party held away from school where all my classmates were present.

They don't.....we usually only have a couple that show up. Very few of the kids/families here I want to be around or have my kids be around anyhow. This area is super weird like that. We've lived here for almost 20 years and I just don't want anything to do with most people I meet here. All of our real friends live about 3 hours from here...those are the people we spend most of our time around. It's just always puzzled me how I can live somewhere this long and meet so many people yet none I want to hang out with.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

The school has no business in getting involved at all, unless the parents signed a contract as part of attending the school that said they would invite all of the children or none of them.
We should have freedom of association.

of course it does, the school is where most kids send most of their time and the 'job' of the class is to create/foster an environment wherein ALL students have the opportunity to learn best
i imagine most on this board who are pro-jerk exclusion would be anti race or religion or gender or sexuality, et al, exclusion
so why is the jerk kid different (remember we only have OP's sayso on the jerkiness - Orion's story has more meat to chew imo)?

i actually did have an experience where i wanted to invite everyone but one player on my team to my bowling party - dad made me invite him and we DID wind up becoming best friends

but back to the TEACHER (not school, teacher), of course it's her job to patch whatever holes she sees in her class - and she has to do that with limited resources (little control of time and especially parents) - of course she would intervene in a situation where a (probably) damaged kid will get even more damaged

 

[Charlie Brizzown]

I feel like we should discuss how Optimus Prime's parents taught him at a very young age that we should invite kids to our birthday parties just to get more presents.

 

[FL_Saint]

Had this come up a few years ago with my younger daughter. I believe she was 9 or 10. There were a couple of kids that were just mean as heck to her all the time. And we had several meetings with teacher about it over time and, apparently, she did with those parents. Nothing changed. Her teacher wanted her to include everyone in the class when she was inviting classmates to a birthday that year. We discussed with the teacher and let her know that there are consequences to actions - yes even at that age - and we don't feel that rewarding bad behavior should be forced. I honestly don't remember specifics, but the mean little snots were not invited. Not going to ruin my daughters party because she was forced to invite kids that are mean to her.

Hopefully they learned that they can't treat people like crap with no consequences.

 

[0rion]

of course it does, the school is where most kids send most of their time and the 'job' of the class is to create/foster an environment wherein ALL students have the opportunity to learn best
i imagine most on this board who are pro-jerk exclusion would be anti race or religion or gender or sexuality, et al, exclusion
so why is the jerk kid different (remember we only have OP's sayso on the jerkiness - Orion's story has more meat to chew imo)?

i actually did have an experience where i wanted to invite everyone but one player on my team to my bowling party - dad made me invite him and we DID wind up becoming best friends

but back to the TEACHER (not school, teacher), of course it's her job to patch whatever holes she sees in her class - and she has to do that with limited resources (little control of time and especially parents) - of course she would intervene in a situation where a (probably) damaged kid will get even more damaged

Let me ask you this...do you or would you invite every person you work with to a personal function like your wedding or something like that? Not calling you out or anything....I know I'm selective in who I surround myself with. There's some people I invite to certain things that I wouldn't to others. Then there's people I would never invite to anything. I had to put a very good friend of mine on the do not invite list because he would show up with people that I didn't want to be around. One was his uncle. His uncle would get so drunk he caused a scene every time he was around. Last time he got drunk, passed out in my camper, and pee'd his pants and my camper bed. That was it. No more invites for my buddy.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Let me ask you this...do you or would you invite every person you work with to a personal function like your wedding or something like that? Not calling you out or anything....I know I'm selective in who I surround myself with. There's some people I invite to certain things that I wouldn't to others. Then there's people I would never invite to anything. I had to put a very good friend of mine on the do not invite list because he would show up with people that I didn't want to be around. One was his uncle. His uncle would get so drunk he caused a scene every time he was around. Last time he got drunk, passed out in my camper, and pee'd his pants and my camper bed. That was it. No more invites for my buddy.

I feel like you’re changing the question to arrive at this answer
The question- and discussion- is about excluding one grade level child
That’s a fundamentally different concern that inviting ‘everyone from work’
I was recently listening to a CodeSwitch podcast about having friends of different races at work - a woman didn’t invite her best (white) friend to the bachelorette party, but kind of created a seperate ‘work friends’ brunch. — she said she knew it wasn’t a good solution and the episode was really about unpacking all of that
BUT that’s adults navigating adult territory- 3rd graders and their parents and teachers should avoid cementing relationships at such a young and mutable age

 

[tomwaits]

of course it does, the school is where most kids send most of their time and the 'job' of the class is to create/foster an environment wherein ALL students have the opportunity to learn best
i imagine most on this board who are pro-jerk exclusion would be anti race or religion or gender or sexuality, et al, exclusion
so why is the jerk kid different (remember we only have OP's sayso on the jerkiness - Orion's story has more meat to chew imo)?

i actually did have an experience where i wanted to invite everyone but one player on my team to my bowling party - dad made me invite him and we DID wind up becoming best friends

but back to the TEACHER (not school, teacher), of course it's her job to patch whatever holes she sees in her class - and she has to do that with limited resources (little control of time and especially parents) - of course she would intervene in a situation where a (probably) damaged kid will get even more damaged

Yeah, I was over the top with my statement that they have no business here. I would say their part would be advisory though. The school can't dictate what you do outside of school.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Yeah, I was over the top with my statement that they have no business here. I would say their part would be advisory though. The school can't dictate what you do outside of school.

We are in agreement

wanna come to my party? (don’t tell Orion)

 

[tomwaits]

We are in agreement

Best friends forever I would say.

 

[mattgdg]

We have dealt with the same issue the last 2 years. Do you invite the class bully in hopes that inclusion helps trigger a change in his behavior? Or so you can monitor him to see if things are really as bad as my daughter (and several others) says? Do you risk ruining your child's birthday at the expense of the bully's feelings?

We have elected to invite the whole class (inculding him) the past 2 years because I have always figured if the bully doesn't like you, why would he come to your party? I have often hoped he would show up so I could spend some time with him, thinking maybe some positive attention might alter the way he treats my daughter.

Since we usually have her party on the weekend of the beginning of spring break, attendance is usually pretty limited and he has no-showed both times. We'll see in a few weeks if he shows up this year.

 

[0rion]

I feel like you’re changing the question to arrive at this answer
The question- and discussion- is about excluding one grade level child
That’s a fundamentally different concern that inviting ‘everyone from work’
I was recently listening to a CodeSwitch podcast about having friends of different races at work - a woman didn’t invite her best (white) friend to the bachelorette party, but kind of created a seperate ‘work friends’ brunch. — she said she knew it wasn’t a good solution and the episode was really about unpacking all of that
BUT that’s adults navigating adult territory- 3rd graders and their parents and teachers should avoid cementing relationships at such a young and mutable age

Fair enough.....I guess the point would be that it happens from birth to death. I guess I don't see the harm in not wanting to invite certain kids to a bday party because we're living it right now. I don't want someones little wild heathen at a party that's disruptive and takes away from my son's day. We should be spending that time focusing on our son and not some other little kid that we didn't even want there.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Fair enough.....I guess the point would be that it happens from birth to death. I guess I don't see the harm in not wanting to invite certain kids to a bday party because we're living it right now. I don't want someones little wild heathen at a party that's disruptive and takes away from my son's day. We should be spending that time focusing on our son and not some other little kid that we didn't even want there.

That’s why I said your situation was different- a parent who has been conferenced several times about problematic behavior, who then just drops the kid off at the party is a HUGE issue
Have subsequent parents placed a ‘please stay with your child’ policy?