Feds grant $384,949 to study 'Plasticity in Duck Penis Length' (1 Viewer)

[Severum]

But we can't blow anybody up with duck penises.

Actually the researcher who received this grant had already investigated explosive duck penises:

Back in 2007, Brennan's team described the strange morphology of this duck's sexual organs. Most male birds don't sport phalluses, and instead have sex by bringing together their so-called cloaca (opening to such regions as the reproductive tract) in order for the male to transfer sperm to the female. Not only does C. moschata have a penis, but it's a relatively large, flexible penis (even when erect) extending up to nearly 8 inches (20 cm) inverted inside the body.

When mating, the male everts its penis to extend the length of the female's vagina.

Being so well-endowed is supposed to give the male a reproductive advantage in forced mating when a male essentially jumps the female with no consent. But Brennan hypothesized that females, with their complex genitalia, could turn the tables and make copulation difficult for such macho males.

First the team used high-speed video to see how the odd organs get the job done, finding the eversion process was explosive — taking about a half-second. The results came from ducks at a commercial duck farm in which the animals were trained to provide semen for artificial insemination.

If the DoD hasn't already weaponized them then it's probably on the to-do list. The lifecycle cost of non-weaponized ducks is under $100 so even with a tenfold cost increase we should be able to replace one F-22 with a million weaponized ducks. Millions of well-endowed explosive corkscrew penised unmanned combat Anitidae (WEECPUCAs) are sure to strike fear, or at least feelings of inadequacy, into the hearts of our enemies.

 

[Devildog]

Actually the researcher who received this grant had already investigated explosive duck penises:



If the DoD hasn't already weaponized them then it's probably on the to-do list. The lifecycle cost of non-weaponized ducks is under $100 so even with a tenfold cost increase we should be able to replace one F-22 with a million weaponized ducks.

Yeah, but wait until the DOD is done with them. They'll wind up costing $150 million per unit.

Millions of well-endowed explosive corkscrew penised unmanned combat Anitidae (WEECPUCAs) are sure to strike fear, or at least feelings of inadequacy, into the hearts of our enemies.

At least in North Korea and China. And Dallas.

 

[coldseat]

First the team used high-speed video to see how the odd organs get the job done, finding the eversion process was explosive — taking about a half-second. The results came from ducks at a commercial duck farm in which the animals were trained to provide semen for artificial insemination.

That redefines premature ejaculation. It's probably why the females are so hostile. Well, either that or the fact that they're basically being raped. Probably both.

 

[rob22278]

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck...penis.

 

[TheDeparted]

The grant was 0.005% of National Science Foundation spending in 2009 (when it was awarded) and produced several publications. For some perspective this is less than half of the cost of one of the Navy's 3,500 Tomahawk cruise missiles or 0.05% of the lifecycle cost of a single F-22.

Is there some point you're trying to refute?

I'm just the messenger.


Edit: oh, I see you clarified your original post to include my second post where I was trying to figure out what link Big E saw between this and the 'Fat lesbians' study. Very clever. Do you somehow disagree that these two stories are linked by that common property? What does the Federal Government spending massive amounts of money on other things have to do with the sheer awesome academic power of this study?


Maybe you didn't read this part of the article that I quoted:

"The NSF strives to be good stewards of taxpayers dollars," Wing says, "Basic research often is combined with other research efforts and turns into bigger things."

"Government funded grants for research have assisted in creating the barcode and Google," Wing added.

The NSF grant abstract states, “Broader impacts of the research will be international, national, local, and personal."

Who could argue against this? Surely, you agree with the NSF.

 

[Benimaru]

What kind of quacks are in charge of disbursing these research grants?

 

[2009ring]

The grant was 0.005% of National Science Foundation spending in 2009 (when it was awarded) and produced several publications. For some perspective this is less than half of the cost of one of the Navy's 3,500 Tomahawk cruise missiles or 0.05% of the lifecycle cost of a single F-22.

It's also enough to put a half dozen kids through four years of college...easily.

 

[LonghornSaint]

This type of research is interesting because the ducks penis is so different than other types. Who knows, maybe it will make for a good model to study certain types of drugs?

In case anyone wants to actually read a publication from that lab, as opposed to just limiting their exposure to politically charged websites, here it is...

 

[Saint_Ward]

Actually the researcher who received this grant had already investigated explosive duck penises:



If the DoD hasn't already weaponized them then it's probably on the to-do list. The lifecycle cost of non-weaponized ducks is under $100 so even with a tenfold cost increase we should be able to replace one F-22 with a million weaponized ducks. Millions of well-endowed explosive corkscrew penised unmanned combat Anitidae (WEECPUCAs) are sure to strike fear, or at least feelings of inadequacy, into the hearts of our enemies.

I thought Lion's having sex was fast. Wow.

 

[Saint_Ward]

It's also enough to put a half dozen kids through four years of college...easily.

And they'll probably end up studying duck penis' too.

There is no higher education if there is no research. For all we know, this cork screw type thing could lead to another "pocket Hose" and make millions!

EDIT: Also, that grant money to study this is likely doing a few things. It is paying for whatever is needed to do the research, and it is usually paying for a grad student or two. So, those students seeking Master's or PhD's are actually being paid so that they don't have to pay for school or pay much less. So, again, is is helping students go to college very likely. It depends on who is doing the research. But again, many of these weird things aren't just money thrown into a pond.

 

[RazorOye]

limiting their exposure to politically charged websites, here it is...

Some other headlines from CNS news:

University Professor studies Old Turtles and Some Birds on Remote Island

Progressive Scientist Rebels Against Church, Flaunts Established Science

Government Funds Study of Little Tiny Things We Can't Even See

French Socialist Spends All Day Staring At Light and Through Pieces of Glass

Feds Spend Money to Shoot a Tube of Lenses into Space

Apple Falls on Brits Head, Says We Need a New Math

Euro Liberal Academic and Former Public Assistance Recipient Claims to Solve Paradox to Phenomenon that Probably Doesn't Exist

 

[TheDeparted]

Some other headlines from CNS news:

University Professor studies Old Turtles and Some Birds on Remote Island

Progressive Scientist Rebels Against Church, Flaunts Established Science

Government Funds Study of Little Tiny Things We Can't Even See

French Socialist Spends All Day Staring At Light and Through Pieces of Glass

Feds Spend Money to Shoot a Tube of Lenses into Space

Apple Falls on Brits Head, Says We Need a New Math

Euro Liberal Academic and Former Public Assistance Recipient Claims to Solve Paradox to Phenomenon that Probably Doesn't Exist

I love those headlines. Just my style of sarcasm! Thanks for posting.

 

[Severum]

Is there some point you're trying to refute?

I'm just the messenger.

Edit: oh, I see you clarified your original post to include my second post where I was trying to figure out what link Big E saw between this and the 'Fat lesbians' study. Very clever. Do you somehow disagree that these two stories are linked by that common property? What does the Federal Government spending massive amounts of money on other things have to do with the sheer awesome academic power of this study?

Maybe you didn't read this part of the article that I quoted:

"The NSF strives to be good stewards of taxpayers dollars," Wing says, "Basic research often is combined with other research efforts and turns into bigger things."

"Government funded grants for research have assisted in creating the barcode and Google," Wing added.

The NSF grant abstract states, “Broader impacts of the research will be international, national, local, and personal."

Who could argue against this? Surely, you agree with the NSF.

No clarifications or edits in my post. I was simply pointing out how silly it was for CNS News (news for those who find Fox too liberally biased) to run articles like this as evidence of wasteful spending. NSF and NIH grants have resulted in some remarkable breakthroughs and represent a tiny portion of overall government spending. It's generally been a good scientific and economic investment while contributing very little to the debt. If we are serious about deficit reduction then defense spending and entitlements are the real issues.

If you don't care about the intent of the article and just wanted to laugh at duck penises then I take no issue with your post.

 

[TheDeparted]

If you don't care about the intent of the article and just wanted to laugh at duck penises then I take no issue with your post.

The corkscrew bit tickled my inner pre-teen

 

[Galbreath34]

Basic vs. Applied Research

Aimed I think at the middle school level or below. Seems about the right level of reading needed.