Going through the motions (1 Viewer)

Zack Lee

VIP Contributor
Joined
Jul 8, 2008
Messages
19,965
Reaction score
29,890
Location
a van down by the river
Offline
in the past I have found that when I experience this, the best thing is to act my way out of them. Keep doing the next thing and the feeling will come back. Today, honestly, I wish I was that guy who could just go back to bed. Im not the one that will fall asleep there though.

What is your method or do you never feel this?
 

superchuck500

guarding the potatoes
VIP Subscribing Member
VIP Contributor
Diamond VIP Contributor
Joined
Aug 9, 2004
Messages
53,822
Reaction score
78,717
Location
Mt. Pleasant, SC
Online
in the past I have found that when I experience this, the best thing is to act my way out of them. Keep doing the next thing and the feeling will come back. Today, honestly, I wish I was that guy who could just go back to bed. Im not the one that will fall asleep there though.

What is your method or do you never feel this?
Zack, this is entirely expected - given what you have just gone through and are dealing with. This is grief.

I think it may be good to have a small number of little tasks to commit yourself to doing each day as you are in this period. Make a list the night before, and then commit to doing them - just one at a time. Other activities that are good for total distraction (e.g. playing an instrument, reading, a video game) may be helpful for a few blocks of your day.

This too shall pass.
 

efil4stnias

one lonely Beastie i be...
VIP Contributor
Joined
Jul 9, 2001
Messages
31,953
Reaction score
30,376
Location
Covington
Offline
Zack, this is entirely expected - given what you have just gone through and are dealing with. This is grief.

I think it may be good to have a small number of little tasks to commit yourself to doing each day as you are in this period. Make a list the night before, and then commit to doing them - just one at a time. Other activities that are good for total distraction (e.g. playing an instrument, reading, a video game) may be helpful for a few blocks of your day.

This too shall pass.

oh man i guess i missed something.

if its a loss of a loved one, my condolences and more than likely exactly as superchuck posted.

Time .....time heals all wounds.
 

guidomerkinsrules

W H A T E V I R
VIP Contributor
Joined
Apr 30, 2007
Messages
56,572
Reaction score
89,560
Location
by the cemeteries
Offline
in the past I have found that when I experience this, the best thing is to act my way out of them. Keep doing the next thing and the feeling will come back. Today, honestly, I wish I was that guy who could just go back to bed. Im not the one that will fall asleep there though.

What is your method or do you never feel this?
Not that you’re going to like it, but I find this happening to me more and more
It’s not a sadness thing - it’s more similar to the reaction I get when I look in a mirror and am like ‘who the **** is that?’
- more later
 

livefromDC

Subscribing Member
VIP Subscribing Member
Joined
May 12, 2006
Messages
9,286
Reaction score
15,225
Age
41
Location
Atlanta, GA
Online
I get these feelings from time to time as well. I find creating something to look forward to helps pulls me out. Like this week, I'm taking Friday afternoon off to visit a friend a rarely see. Sometimes it's as simple as treating myself to an evening in B&N. Just a small thing I enjoy doing that I dont get to do often. So I guess I'm kind of saying what the Lawyer said.
 
OP
OP
Zack Lee

Zack Lee

VIP Contributor
Joined
Jul 8, 2008
Messages
19,965
Reaction score
29,890
Location
a van down by the river
Offline
oh man i guess i missed something.

if its a loss of a loved one, my condolences and more than likely exactly as superchuck posted.

Time .....time heals all wounds.
yes, I really want that to have its own thread but then I hijacked another thread for a couple of hours.

I know its a process and if I am not processing my Psychologist sister is going to steer me (if she can)

I don't know how much today is that and how much is fatigue. I know its both. I didn't sleep Monday night.

I have accomplished some things this morning. I have managed to resist curling up in bed but I have vegged out on breakfast of cereal and serial killers on Netflix. My freaking body hurts.
 

superchuck500

guarding the potatoes
VIP Subscribing Member
VIP Contributor
Diamond VIP Contributor
Joined
Aug 9, 2004
Messages
53,822
Reaction score
78,717
Location
Mt. Pleasant, SC
Online
yes, I really want that to have its own thread but then I hijacked another thread for a couple of hours.

I know its a process and if I am not processing my Psychologist sister is going to steer me (if she can)

I don't know how much today is that and how much is fatigue. I know its both. I didn't sleep Monday night.

I have accomplished some things this morning. I have managed to resist curling up in bed but I have vegged out on breakfast of cereal and serial killers on Netflix. My freaking body hurts.
Fatigue is brutal - especially when you're dealing with heavy emotions. Just try to keep on a regular daily schedule and you'll get it back.
 

efil4stnias

one lonely Beastie i be...
VIP Contributor
Joined
Jul 9, 2001
Messages
31,953
Reaction score
30,376
Location
Covington
Offline
yes, I really want that to have its own thread but then I hijacked another thread for a couple of hours.

I know its a process and if I am not processing my Psychologist sister is going to steer me (if she can)

I don't know how much today is that and how much is fatigue. I know its both. I didn't sleep Monday night.

I have accomplished some things this morning. I have managed to resist curling up in bed but I have vegged out on breakfast of cereal and serial killers on Netflix. My freaking body hurts.
yeah i get it...the light at the end of the tunnel.

My wife lost her father Dec 6 2018. She and he were extremely close. Like how i HOPE my girls are with me. Talked EVERY NIGHT regardless of where he was or we were, even if just to say goodnight. Pretty remarkable.

Anyway, i can still remember for a full week, she was just a wreck. Emotionally and physically. The physical was due to the emotional, but the emotional wouldnt fade because of the physical ( fatigue as you stated ). Didnt sleep, didnt feel like eating, no gym/exercise ...you get the picture. It was a self- feeding cycle. She had to break thru that cycle. Time was the only thing.

I gave her a good 10 days to go thru the process of grief. After that, i felt that i would have to start stepping in to say "its time" - but i also understood everyone has their OWN process. Some longer, some shorter etc. By day 14 she started to come out the funk. She kept working thru all of it and found great solace in going to work ( as a distraction- and its 5 hrs a day as an asst director for a mothers day out program - so its not like she engineering a building ). Then started to hit the gym...again another "break".

Idle time was the worst. All it does is allow you to think. And while some reflection is ok, in periods of deep grief/sadness, its the worst.

So as each day passes, you will hopefully begin to notice little things returning to what you called normal. IT will happen, its just gonna happen on your schedule.

God speed man.

And if you arent veggin out on Fruity Pebbles, i take all this back lolol. ( had a bowl just before bed last night)
 

VikesFan2017

Veteran Starter
VIP Contributor
Joined
Jan 8, 2018
Messages
1,105
Reaction score
2,289
Age
47
Offline
yes, I really want that to have its own thread but then I hijacked another thread for a couple of hours.

I know its a process and if I am not processing my Psychologist sister is going to steer me (if she can)

I don't know how much today is that and how much is fatigue. I know its both. I didn't sleep Monday night.

I have accomplished some things this morning. I have managed to resist curling up in bed but I have vegged out on breakfast of cereal and serial killers on Netflix. My freaking body hurts.
If you lost someone, you are going through grief which is a process and the timeline is unknown.

Your first goal is to take care of yourself. Make sure you get out of bed to shower, have breakfast, eat, etc. Just your regular daily tasks.

From there, work on getting back into whatever routine you had before, whether it's returning to work, or whatever.

Talking about things will help you process it. There might be things you need to discuss and think about 50 times before your brain will move on past that. There are other items you will need to ask, question, and process 1,000 times. It's hard to know what will take how long.

You'll be sad and at times emotionless for a while. You still might be in some shock. But know that there is no wrong way to handle grief. Some people need to remove themselves from things that remind them of people. Some people need to immerse themselves in photographs and memories. Each is normal for different types of people.

If you can, ask your friends for help. This can be really difficult to do, but some friends might appreciate you asking. It might be to meet up for a lunch next Tuesday or someone to hang with watching a sporting event on TV. People who care about you will know you are hurting and should be willing to help.

There is a very difficult feeling that the world is moving forward without you that you might be sensing. You might feel like the worst stopped for a couple days now everyone has moved on and forgotten about you. That's not the case. They haven't forgotten, they just have to live their own lives as well.

The good news is things will get better. Eventually you'll start feeling emotions you haven't felt before. A lot of "bittersweet" will hit you as you start to realize happy moments again.

Life is a rollercoaster with highs and lows. When you realize that you've had some really low points, you have that much more of a high yet to come. Some rollercoasters are more flat, yours might be higher with bigger drops than most people but in the end they all come back to the center.
 
Joined
Jul 19, 2001
Messages
24,258
Reaction score
60,875
Age
50
Location
GBTR
Online
yes, I really want that to have its own thread but then I hijacked another thread for a couple of hours.

I know its a process and if I am not processing my Psychologist sister is going to steer me (if she can)

I don't know how much today is that and how much is fatigue. I know its both. I didn't sleep Monday night.

I have accomplished some things this morning. I have managed to resist curling up in bed but I have vegged out on breakfast of cereal and serial killers on Netflix. My freaking body hurts.
Best thing I can say is to deal with it. If you are feeling sullen and introverted, it might just be because you know you need to address the emotions. I've repressed mine for so long that going through the motions became normal.

I do not recommend that.

Face the stuff, rage at it, cry from it, and hopefully you can eventually remember a reason to laugh again but that won't happen if you don't deal with the reality.

#twocentsworth
 

Madmarsha

Love this team!
VIP Contributor
Joined
Oct 11, 2006
Messages
25,777
Reaction score
32,001
Online
My wife lost her father Dec 6 2018. She and he were extremely close. Like how i HOPE my girls are with me. Talked EVERY NIGHT regardless of where he was or we were, even if just to say goodnight. Pretty remarkable.

Anyway, i can still remember for a full week, she was just a wreck. Emotionally and physically. The physical was due to the emotional, but the emotional wouldnt fade because of the physical ( fatigue as you stated ). Didnt sleep, didnt feel like eating, no gym/exercise ...you get the picture. It was a self- feeding cycle. She had to break thru that cycle. Time was the only thing.

I gave her a good 10 days to go thru the process of grief. After that, i felt that i would have to start stepping in to say "its time" - but i also understood everyone has their OWN process. Some longer, some shorter etc. By day 14 she started to come out the funk. She kept working thru all of it and found great solace in going to work ( as a distraction- and its 5 hrs a day as an asst director for a mothers day out program - so its not like she engineering a building ). Then started to hit the gym...again another "break".
Bless you for being that support to her.
 

livefromDC

Subscribing Member
VIP Subscribing Member
Joined
May 12, 2006
Messages
9,286
Reaction score
15,225
Age
41
Location
Atlanta, GA
Online
Lots of beautiful, heartfelt stuff in here. Thank you all.
Been doing some forced small projects to occupy my mind. Lining shelves etc. just busy work.

highlight of the day will be falling asleep though. I process pretty fast usually. I’ll be fine soon.
And if you're not fine soon, that's okay. We will be here.

Well most of us, Guidomerkinsrules will disappear for about a month and a half. But the REST of us...we will be here. You dont have to be on a timeline.
 

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)



Headlines

Top Bottom