Analysis I’m tired of eye surgeries and subsequent recovery issues and time. Need prayers please. Thoughts, whatever. (1 Viewer)

SigFreudianSlip

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Hello who dat friends. Just venting here for a moment.
Had my latest emergency surgeon visit today. This afternoon.
After tumors taken out of my head, degenerative eye disease and now multiple more cuts on my eyes I am worn out. Waaa. I know. I’d like to consider myself a very strong man, but I have found something that brings me to my knees and for the first time in my life I’ve conceded defeat.

Intracranial pressure. Thru all of my plethora of neck up issues over the years I’ve been very fortunate to not have met this foe until recently. I’ve tried so damn hard to be strong and beat this too, but I can’t. It’s like having your head in a vice and just keeps getting tighter and tighter. Started bleeding profusely out of my eye today and that did not bother me one bit, heck I was kept awake for a transplant back in the day where they used a little saw on my eyeball. No worries. Cupcake stuff like the Ohio State schedule.

Then the pressure. Called the wife, who obviously knows me, told her I loved her and to please pray for me, this pain is so strong it renders me unable to speak (and people in my life know I love to speak). I am already on 13 meds due to this and don’t know how much more I can take, literally and figuratively. It’s so severe I live in fear even when it’s not hitting, waiting for the moment it will hit again. For any who believe in such, please lift a prayer for me as I’m losing this fight. I’m worn down.
Attached is a picture of my meds most of which correlate to this eye stuff. I’m big, I’m strong, and I’ve found not only my equal but my superior. I know this is a sad post, just please I’m asking for prayers. Need some reprieve.
 

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Man that’s tough Hump. You just have to hang in there. It’s hard for us to remember that you’re going through this - you’re always so positive and interactive. But that just shows how strong you are. You’re never defeated, even when it seems darkest.

Go ahead and vent, be weak or be angry - listening and praying for you is the least we can do if it helps you get through.
 
Man that’s tough Hump. You just have to hang in there. It’s hard for us to remember that you’re going through this - you’re always so positive and interactive. But that just shows how strong you are. You’re never defeated, even when it seems darkest.

Go ahead and vent, be weak or be angry - listening and praying for you is the least we can do if it helps you get through.

Thanks Chuck. I’m trying. So hard. I know we all have battles so I try my best to be kind to all. Today I had to apologize to the dr and some staff, because I just wasn’t my usual jovial self. I don’t want my dark cloud on their days. This hurts so bad it’s almost primal, and it’s defeated me. After days of this in June and now since Monday, I’m broken. My spirit is broken. I’m humbled and laid low. So many out there are much stronger than me, and I know this....but man I’m telling you I used to hang my hat on being good and being strong. When I can’t speak sentences to my wife and she starts crying it makes me sad. That’s not who she married. I’ve never in my life had any ailment (and I’ve had a bunch) that rendered me speechless. When this hits I cannot speak coherently.

Thank you again Chuck. No matter how this all ends for me, y’all have helped me thru this time so much and that means a whole lot to me. Lol for so long I’d envisioned myself as Russell Crowe in Gladiator.

I am not. IOP got me.
 
Thanks Chuck. I’m trying. So hard. I know we all have battles so I try my best to be kind to all. Today I had to apologize to the dr and some staff, because I just wasn’t my usual jovial self. I don’t want my dark cloud on their days. This hurts so bad it’s almost primal, and it’s defeated me. After days of this in June and now since Monday, I’m broken. My spirit is broken. I’m humbled and laid low. So many out there are much stronger than me, and I know this....but man I’m telling you I used to hang my hat on being good and being strong. When I can’t speak sentences to my wife and she starts crying it makes me sad. That’s not who she married. I’ve never in my life had any ailment (and I’ve had a bunch) that rendered me speechless. When this hits I cannot speak coherently.

Thank you again Chuck. No matter how this all ends for me, y’all have helped me thru this time so much and that means a whole lot to me. Lol for so long I’d envisioned myself as Russell Crowe in Gladiator.

I am not. IOP got me.

You have a team behind you and you’ll always be Gladiator to your family no matter what. Keep fighting man, you can get through this. You have plans and they’re going to happen.
 
Harsh
Sorry man
All I can thing to do is send a ethereal White Russian
And collapse as much as you need, verticality will be there when you’re ready
 
Harsh
Sorry man
All I can thing to do is send a ethereal White Russian
And collapse as much as you need, verticality will be there when you’re ready

Thanks Guido. I wish I could have a White Russian. I’m trying to hang in there I really am. I’m losing this fight, and I’m broken, but I’m not throwing in the towel just yet.
As I told Chuck, you guys have been a big key for me during this phase. I’m forever thankful no matter what may come. You guys and gals rock. Been here 20 some odd years and it took all this for me to really start to interact and not just partake in my favorite hobby. Reading. Anything and everything I can get my hands on. ?
It’s kind of a neat twist that now even reading hurts, how wild is that? Labor of love. Sorry I’m rambling...pain at a 20, and over time it’s just flat worn me down. I will pray and hope that tomorrow is a better day and offers a brief reprieve for me to strengthen my resolve.
 
Two things I’ve always fallen back on during any tough times.
Song: Queensryche, Silent Lucidity. Just gives me peace. ?
Place: A giant library in my mind, stuffed with hard back books and oversized chairs, a White Russian or two (of the dude abides variety) and I can literally smell the pages. I’d always wanted to have my own private library, but the one in my mind has always sufficed. I’m heading down the rabbit holes for the night. Hope to see you who dats on the flip side.
Be well all. ?
 
Morning Who Dats.
I know no one asked but I’m updating and gonna use this as maybe a daily diary to put thoughts down, it helps and I’m truly now desperate. I hope you all slept well and have a safe and productive day. ?

I actually fell asleep during a lull in the pain and got 3 hours, also woke up to only a 9 on the pain scale when it is usually a 17 or so. For reference, my eye pressure has been 60 and 70 and above when this thing spikes and takes me down, usually can handle about 3 days in a row of that then I break.

I am a person who is usually hesitant to even take a normal type aspirin or pain pill of any sort....just have always been that way. Well now I live looking at a clock anxiously awaiting my next ‘dose’ time. I’ve also had to double dose and such to even make it. All I have taken upon waking from my 3 blissful hours of sleep today is my 500MG of Diamox and my 4 pressure reducing drops. I am going to do all in my power to give my body at least a half day off from all of the myriad other pain pills I’ve been having to take. Right now I can feel my old foe beating at the door, but the door is holding. To borrow from one of my favorite shows, as I already have with one of my favorite movies: Hodor. Hodor.
For a chuckle, the wife found old Humperdoo this morning at 5am naked and in another room, having fallen asleep listening to the wheat scene/ending scene from Gladiator. I had meant to take a bath with the jets on as something about that gives me a little pain relief....however I never made it to the tub. Yes, I’m a full on goofball.
I’m trying to soak in every second of this tolerable 9 pain. ? Thank you again to any and all who lifted a prayer or a wishful thought as it means a lot to me.
And I full well realize we all have battles, and mine are no more important than anyone else’s.
Be kind to one another, for those that are in good or decent health, cherish that. Cherish the ones you love. Truly.

Who Dat.

Joshua
 
Well Hump, it would be impossible to know what other people deal with in their lives as we read their posts and we cheer together without hearing the sad details of reality such as you posted. It's not always easy to walk in someone else's shoes when it comes to health issues, but I'm sure that many here can relate to physical suffering that becomes chronic and thus can sympathize and feel compassion on that basis alone. In this regard, please trust me when I say that I have a very good idea of what you're going through. Due to the 'whiny factor' I have chosen not to air my own 'health laundry' out on a public forum, but I can assure you that all your expressions hit home as I read them. (But trust me that those closest to me get to hear me whine far more than I feel comfortable admitting.)

It sounds like this has already been a long term issue for you and that you have had an exhaustive search for medical help. I'm sure that you will continue in that search as long as this is an option. I believe in the power of encouragement, so the emotional support we get from others is helpful particularly when we are feeling 'defeated' as you described. I get the feeling that you are one who has already shown great appreciation for the help and/or sympathy you are receiving. You seem to have a gem of a wife, and that goes a long way toward getting us through the roughest times we face. No doubt the time you've spent here on SaintsReport is a sort of Rx even if it only serves as a distraction to your health issues.

But I can promise you that now that I am aware of your pain, I will continue to "weep with those who weep". You will be on my mind and I will be hoping that you have/find some good reasons to smile as you endure in your search for some better solutions to your malady. In the meantime I will make myself available to listen to you through the 'conversation feature' of this forum if you so wish. As you know, we are both here a lot, and it shouldn't take long to find me if/when you need to talk. Take care Joshua. Don't forget to let me know how you're doing.
 
Well Hump, it would be impossible to know what other people deal with in their lives as we read their posts and we cheer together without hearing the sad details of reality such as you posted. It's not always easy to walk in someone else's shoes when it comes to health issues, but I'm sure that many here can relate to physical suffering that becomes chronic and thus can sympathize and feel compassion on that basis alone. In this regard, please trust me when I say that I have a very good idea of what you're going through. Due to the 'whiny factor' I have chosen not to air my own 'health laundry' out on a public forum, but I can assure you that all your expressions hit home as I read them. (But trust me that those closest to me get to hear me whine far more than I feel comfortable admitting.)

It sounds like this has already been a long term issue for you and that you have had an exhaustive search for medical help. I'm sure that you will continue in that search as long as this is an option. I believe in the power of encouragement, so the emotional support we get from others is helpful particularly when we are feeling 'defeated' as you described. I get the feeling that you are one who has already shown great appreciation for the help and/or sympathy you are receiving. You seem to have a gem of a wife, and that goes a long way toward getting us through the roughest times we face. No doubt the time you've spent here on SaintsReport is a sort of Rx even if it only serves as a distraction to your health issues.

But I can promise you that now that I am aware of your pain, I will continue to "weep with those who weep". You will be on my mind and I will be hoping that you have/find some good reasons to smile as you endure in your search for some better solutions to your malady. In the meantime I will make myself available to listen to you through the 'conversation feature' of this forum if you so wish. As you know, we are both here a lot, and it shouldn't take long to find me if/when you need to talk. Take care Joshua. Don't forget to let me know how you're doing.

Thank you Bill. Very much. And I promise you I agree and live by that ‘whine creed’ too. I have been dealing with these and other medical issues for a very long time, and it’s never stopped me, until now.

I only wrote publicly as I truly felt like the prayers and thoughts would help, not that my plight or struggles are any greater than the next persons. These afflictions I’ve faced have a purpose and have helped shape me into who I am and how I’ve treated others, so there is a silver lining. And I will and do smile, as often as I am able, I find a way to laugh and smile. To me those are the true remedies of life.
I choose to believe that by letting my ‘pride’ go, before the fall, or during in this case lol, those that were kind enough to reach out to me and offer me even a thought or prayer have helped me. I believe in attitude correlating to success rate and I’m running on fumes. If and when I beat this I owe some on SR a big thank you just for letting me live vicariously thru y’all during this time and for the chuckles I’ve been presented with.
And yes sir, my wife is a gem, and has been so strong, which is usually my area....I’ve got to get back to that area if able. Pain that renders you speechless has just proven to be too much for me so far. And trust me, I’ve been thru a lot of it. Which I will save all here the time and not even post. This is like the Drew Brees of pain, it’s elite, accurate as heck and doesn’t let up. I must begrudgingly tip my hat to it because I don’t typically ‘take a knee’ and this pain makes me take two.

Thanks again Bill and I hope you have a great day and I wish you well too with your various ailments.
 
Erdoo,
You’ve mentioned eye surgeries several times in different posts but this is the most detailed that you’ve been. It is awful that you’re dealing with those kinds of health issues. I will say this - reaching out for encouragement is a sign of strength, even though I know you’re feeling the total opposite. I will continue to be an idiot to hopefully make you chuckle a bit, and definitely pray that your health improves.

Oh and if you think I’m going to call you hump in any form or fashion, well, sorry dude. :hihi:
 
Hello who dat friends. Just venting here for a moment.
Had my latest emergency surgeon visit today. This afternoon.
After tumors taken out of my head, degenerative eye disease and now multiple more cuts on my eyes I am worn out. Waaa. I know. I’d like to consider myself a very strong man, but I have found something that brings me to my knees and for the first time in my life I’ve conceded defeat.

Intracranial pressure. Thru all of my plethora of neck up issues over the years I’ve been very fortunate to not have met this foe until recently. I’ve tried so damn hard to be strong and beat this too, but I can’t. It’s like having your head in a vice and just keeps getting tighter and tighter. Started bleeding profusely out of my eye today and that did not bother me one bit, heck I was kept awake for a transplant back in the day where they used a little saw on my eyeball. No worries. Cupcake stuff like the Ohio State schedule.

Then the pressure. Called the wife, who obviously knows me, told her I loved her and to please pray for me, this pain is so strong it renders me unable to speak (and people in my life know I love to speak). I am already on 13 meds due to this and don’t know how much more I can take, literally and figuratively. It’s so severe I live in fear even when it’s not hitting, waiting for the moment it will hit again. For any who believe in such, please lift a prayer for me as I’m losing this fight. I’m worn down.
Attached is a picture of my meds most of which correlate to this eye stuff. I’m big, I’m strong, and I’ve found not only my equal but my superior. I know this is a sad post, just please I’m asking for prayers. Need some reprieve.

You are gonna have an amazing testimony ahead of you when you pull through this. And you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Despite issues that, quite honestly, would have forced me to put SR wayyyyy on the back burner.........you've been the spark that's kept many a discussion going, while maintaining a far more upbeat demeanor than most would in your situation.

Better days are ahead.
 
Seems er'body has a nickname for you...like hump and Erdoo. I'm just gonna call you doo-doo if that's ok? ? Just trying to lighten the mood. I can't imagine what you have going on there. I'm sure you have tons on your plate. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. I'm still willing to place your picks for you in survivor bowl if you'd like.
 
TY Icon and Orion. Truly.

Icon SR has reciprocated. I’m a person who loves to work and interact with my people, being down for these last 6 months has been tough as I can’t do that. And I do not like being carried. It literally hurts me. TY for the kind words though.

Orion, call me whatever you like, I’ve been in management so long I’ve been called every name in the book. Just goes with the territory no matter how even and good you try to be. As I’ve learned lol. TY.
I’m going on hour 4 with pain I can abide, and I’m so thankful. And I fully expect to go out now in Survivor as I light heartedly made fun of Merl’s anger post about getting the boot. ?

@Bill your words about my wife lead me to reach out to her in thanks. I do this every day but I used one of our favorite shows today, sent her the Hodor death scene from GOT. She knows that I am Hodor and I hold the line, yet for these past 6 months I’ve been like Bran and she’s been Hodor. She is so very appreciated and I hope to beat this and get back to my rightful place of being the one who carries. And I don’t mean that in any type of negative way. At all. My job is to provide and protect. Just part of me.
 
k, structural question
how much practical vision do you have atm?
having read your eye surgery stories and your description of your vision, i've always pictured you about 1.5 inches away from the screen
then today when you brought up the reading/library stuff again, I was thinking "maybe Dolphin Lover should listen to books on tapes to help relax"
then i thought that maybe you do all of your computer stuff voice-activated

so is it this

1539263108824.png

or this

1539263158805.png
 

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