I am in a Joke mood today (1 Viewer)

[Puntz]

I dated a dyslexic girl once
I (copulated) her, got her drunk and took her out to dinner..

 

[daMixter]

Boudreaux lucked out and was able to aquire several cases of ammo from Cabela's. On his way back home, he stopped at a gas station to fill up, and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.
She looked at all the ammo in the back of Boudreaux's truck and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big guy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?"

Boudreaux thought it over for a few seconds, scratched his head and asked, "well, just what kind of ammo you got to trade?"

 

[Semper]

I've always appreciated this story for the way that it explains how the U.S. tax system works. It is clear and makes the point perfectly (HT: Sound Politics)


Bar Stool Economics


Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until on day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20."Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

 

[TheDeparted]

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict
gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain.
Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

 

[LSSpam]

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

Contrary to Internet folklore, Dr. Kamerschen is NOT the author of "Tax Cuts: A Simple Lesson in Economics" or “Bar Stool Economics” or anything similar to that. Additionally, he does NOT know who wrote it and he has no opinion on its merits.

David R. Kamerschen

 

[jtampasaint]

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

Just told my this one, we both killin ourself laughing......2 funny

 

[jtampasaint]

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looksup and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring athim,looksdown and says"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me? "

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn Around

 

[MrEMann83]

Boudreaux died and was on his way down to hell. To get the place ready, the Devil turned up the thermostat to make it extra hot in order to really torture Boudreaux. When Boudreaux arrived, the devil asked, "Hey Boudreaux, how do you like it down there?" Boudreaux says "Man, it's just right. It reminds me of summer on the bayou." That ****** the devil right off. That night, he decided to turn it up a little more so that when Boudreaux woke up, the devil said "How do you like it now? Boudreaux said, "Ah not bad, reminds me of a late July day in Metaire". The devil stormed off spitting and cursing. So that night, the devil turned the thermostat up all the way. When Boudreaux woke up, the devil asked him, "Now how do you like it down here?" Boudreaux says," Man, it's fine. It reminds me of August in Lafayette." Well that really ****** the devil off. So, that night, the devil, thinking himself a genius, turned the thermostat down all the way it to freezing!The whole place frosted over. Icicles started forming from the rafters. The lake of fire froze. And when Boudreaux woke up, the devil asked him, "How you like it now Boudreaux?" Boudreaux was shivering and his lips had turned blue. He looks at the devil with a huge grin and says "Mais cher, I'm one happy Cajun!" The devil was exasperated. He yelled,"What do you mean you're one happy Cajun?! Boudreaux looks up at him and says through chattering teeth, "I'm as happy as I've ever been, the Saints done won the Superbowl!"

 

[bigdaddysaints]

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing...

You already told her twice...

 

[TheDeparted]

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing...

You already told her twice...

I'm going to hell for laughing at this...