Kids from very different 'neighborhoods' visiting each other (1 Viewer)

guidomerkinsrules

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k, so i posted the below thread a few years ago and i thought we had a decent discussion (though there were many red thumbs for even starting the thread:idunno:)
http://saintsreport.com/forums/f3/d...nancial-means-328255/index4.html#.V-kzOYgrKM8

so here is "son of" that thread:
b/c my wife teaches at a certain area "good" school, my oldest is able to go start going there this year (we also happened to find a place a block away so we jumped on that - the house is just basic NO shotgun - no frills but not a bad place)
he's already had to playdates at friends' houses
when my wife took him to the first house said said he gasped at the size of it - and that was a gut punch for her (it's very complicated)

We haven't had any of his friends over (we've just finished unpacking and there's a 2 1/2 yr old that complicates plans as well), but I'm sure the topic is coming up soon
I know that my wife is dreading the idea of having a kid from super nice house come over to our much more humble home

insights?
 

TheMike62987

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Why should it matter what kind of house you live in. I worked on a project with a kid that had a huge 3 story house when I was in 5th grade. My mom dropped me off and I'll admit, it was a little intimidating at first, but once I got inside it was just like any other house. Only difference I could see was more rooms. You know what we ended up doing? We completed our project then played Nintendo all afternoon in their den. Same thing I would do at my friend's house, or even at my house.

On the flip side, my parents have been split up since I was 4. Mom and I have always lived in tiny rental houses while I was growing up, but that never stopped me from having friends over. My toys and Nintendo worked just the same as theirs did.
 

bclemms

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k, so i posted the below thread a few years ago and i thought we had a decent discussion (though there were many red thumbs for even starting the thread:idunno:)
http://saintsreport.com/forums/f3/d...nancial-means-328255/index4.html#.V-kzOYgrKM8

so here is "son of" that thread:
b/c my wife teaches at a certain area "good" school, my oldest is able to go start going there this year (we also happened to find a place a block away so we jumped on that - the house is just basic NO shotgun - no frills but not a bad place)
he's already had to playdates at friends' houses
when my wife took him to the first house said said he gasped at the size of it - and that was a gut punch for her (it's very complicated)

We haven't had any of his friends over (we've just finished unpacking and there's a 2 1/2 yr old that complicates plans as well), but I'm sure the topic is coming up soon
I know that my wife is dreading the idea of having a kid from super nice house come over to our much more humble home

insights?
I've been on both sides of the aisle. Went through some very difficult times after parents filed bankruptcy. Lived in a very small apartment in Mandeville and another in Plano, Tx, both high end areas and I had some friends that were from very wealthy families. My parents worried about the same thing. My friends didn't care, they just wanted to play. Yeah, we may have chosen to go to their house more often because they had more stuff to do and less limitations but that was about it.

I also moved to Mississippi and while it wasn't a mansion or anything we lived in a nice house. I went over to a friends house for the first time and he lived in a very small house, very poor family. I didn't think anything of it until I walked inside and there was dog crap all over the floor, holes in the wall and roaches everywhere. The size of the house, quality of the furnishings weren't a big deal at all but I never wanted to step foot in the house again due to it just being sickening. It changed the way I felt about that friend because I felt horribly bad for him. Still his friend today though. Went over to the house he bought a few years ago and it was one of the cleanest houses I've ever been to. Pretty sure it's because of what he dealt with growing up.

I'm not saying all kids will be like that but for the most part, kids just want to go play. The parents may be a different story. Adults are much bigger *******s.

I'll also say that many of my customers are very wealthy. The top 1% people. They are also some of the best people I've ever met. Super friendly, very understanding and smart people that don't look down on others. There are certainly exceptions as there are in any group but for the most part. The people that I've found tend to be the biggest jerks are the ones with a little money that think they have a lot. I would think in a city as diverse as New Orleans it would be a non issue for most.
 

superchuck500

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k, so i posted the below thread a few years ago and i thought we had a decent discussion (though there were many red thumbs for even starting the thread:idunno:)
http://saintsreport.com/forums/f3/d...nancial-means-328255/index4.html#.V-kzOYgrKM8

so here is "son of" that thread:
b/c my wife teaches at a certain area "good" school, my oldest is able to go start going there this year (we also happened to find a place a block away so we jumped on that - the house is just basic NO shotgun - no frills but not a bad place)
he's already had to playdates at friends' houses
when my wife took him to the first house said said he gasped at the size of it - and that was a gut punch for her (it's very complicated)

We haven't had any of his friends over (we've just finished unpacking and there's a 2 1/2 yr old that complicates plans as well), but I'm sure the topic is coming up soon
I know that my wife is dreading the idea of having a kid from super nice house come over to our much more humble home

insights?
My two cents: I think that diversity of all kinds (and certainly including socio-economic diversity) is great for kids because it teaches them perspective and helps them understand that there are all different kinds of people and experiences in the world. Plus, I think children aren't nearly as analytic about it as adults are and that's a good thing. They should build friendships without worrying about that kind of stuff and adults should try not to "teach" them hangups. Having diverse friendships and experiences are good for all involved and should be encouraged IMO. It's also important for parents to help with context - to help the children understand that these things do not define us, or set us into any particular category, whether it relate to racial, religious, socio-economic or any other characteristic . . . if the child is asking questions or making comments (if not, let the friendships develop organically).

When I was growing up on the northshore, the friends I grew up with were not all that racially or religiously diverse, but we were quite economically diverse. There were kids in gated communities with golf-courses, kids from very modest lower-income neighborhoods, kids from trailer parks, and kids from more rural areas. My class in particular was fairly intermingled - we didn't have a lot of cliques based on economic stratification, and I think we were a deeper, more friendly, and connected group of people because of that. I didn't see the same with other classes that we were in school with.

Specifically, I think it is valuable for kids from families with more means to have friends from families with lesser means - helps give them perspective about valuing individuals and not being an ******* just because you have nice things (or judging someone else for not). Similarly, it can be valuable for kids from more modest backgrounds to have friends with more means because it can set their context to not resent or prejudge someone just because they have nicer things, or they might get to experience something as the friend that their parents might not have been able to provide.

I just think diversity is always good - and it is important for parents to encourage it, and keep it in context (when appropriate).
 

efil4stnias

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k, so i posted the below thread a few years ago and i thought we had a decent discussion (though there were many red thumbs for even starting the thread:idunno:)
http://saintsreport.com/forums/f3/d...nancial-means-328255/index4.html#.V-kzOYgrKM8

so here is "son of" that thread:
b/c my wife teaches at a certain area "good" school, my oldest is able to go start going there this year (we also happened to find a place a block away so we jumped on that - the house is just basic NO shotgun - no frills but not a bad place)
he's already had to playdates at friends' houses
when my wife took him to the first house said said he gasped at the size of it - and that was a gut punch for her (it's very complicated)

We haven't had any of his friends over (we've just finished unpacking and there's a 2 1/2 yr old that complicates plans as well), but I'm sure the topic is coming up soon
I know that my wife is dreading the idea of having a kid from super nice house come over to our much more humble home

insights?

ok remember, the children at that age could CARE LESS.

they dont see things like adults do. they will find things to do regardless if its a 4000 sq ft home or 1500. TRUST ME.

There is absolutely NO SHAME for your place in this world ( and it sounds like the wife needs the talk more than you do ) and I have experienced this as well. Birthday parties and the like....ive been to where the doggone party was CATERED, for both kids and the adults. Its intimidating for sure. But i have always been of the opinion that my material items in this life dont matter. You can decide not to like myself or the wife because you dont think we are good people, thats fine. But dont discount us because of what we have ( ordont have). I dont ever do that, i am raising my two girls in the same manner. And if thats the issue, then i probably wouldnt call them my friend. Acquaintance more likely.

I think i touched on it in that thread...my kids go to private school. They are with kids whose parents both were private school as well. I came from NOLA public school ( Ben Franklin- OP Walker - long story but suffice it to say at age 14 i was NOT ready for the lack of supervision Franklin afforded lol ). Its a bit intimidating when a parent ( a dad ) asks where i went to school, i tell em, and they turn away and begin another conversation with someone else.

but idgaf. i really dont. if you are shallow enough to turn off a conversation in the beginning with me to not even delve into who i am, we probably are oil and water anyway. ill drink a beer and share a story or two, but we wont be exchanging numbers.

Navigating that is the hardest part. We are blessed that my oldest, while has friends of varying degrees of wealth, those parents have done a really good job with THEIR kids to look past that. They dont flaunt it.

Now, she will be entering high school next year ( ugh ) - and im fearful that she will be more exposed to this sort of thinking. But i also know my daughter...she is comfortable in her station in life as well as ours and while we may not have all the things others have, she understands that our love is the most important aspect of it all. Sounds corny, but this is how she is and im proud to say the wife and i have been part of that molding.

Tell the wife to relax...your kids will have freinds of differing statuses as they grow up. Those that are true, will remain. Those that arent, wont.

What your wife needs to understand is that she ( her profession ) is doing something that matters. Not many people can say that. I mean MATTERS. im envious because i feel sometimes that i should be doing more but never find the time. she shouldnt feel slighted in any way. And if she runs across one of those parents that give the "air" of elite towards her, @#$# em.

works for me.

But what we have found is that like minds attract. We have a host of friends from school that are like-minded and really good people and even better friends.
 

Twyst

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I don't want to get into too much detail because part of my job is definitely discretion, but I see this scenario play out on an EXTREME scale all the time. It doesn't matter to kids, they are friends with who they are friends with if they are raised right.
 

Galbreath34

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Kids generally don't care. Played at friends houses on Audubon Place, had them come over to play at our small apartment.
 
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guidomerkinsrules

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thanks everyone
yes, I'm pretty sure the kids will be cool
It's more navigating my wife's feelings (which, not to get into it too much, are based on some fairly significant childhood, um...struggles - i don't begrudge her the anxiety she feels)

but it is weird, and i hadn't thought much of it before, i realize that i always went to play at my friends' houses and they seldom came over to mine:idunno:


This is more about you isn't it?
well..yeah. isn't it always
 

Det. Brees

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My parents were raised on farms and when I was little we had a small 1200 ft home. Dad worked and and later bought a farm while still working his job. Our farm has a very large home they built. At a young age my friends had no thought of it but later in my teens some thought we were rich. We were far from it and my close friends knew we were not. I prefer smaller homes over large homes. I've had friends that were poor to wealthy and never gave it a thought. Good people are good no matter their income.
 

The Mongoose

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thanks everyone
yes, I'm pretty sure the kids will be cool
It's more navigating my wife's feelings (which, not to get into it too much, are based on some fairly significant childhood, um...struggles - i don't begrudge her the anxiety she feels)

but it is weird, and i hadn't thought much of it before, i realize that i always went to play at my friends' houses and they seldom came over to mine:idunno:




well..yeah. isn't it always
It either matters to people or it doesn't. If it did matter much to her, she probably wouldn't have married a dancer.

Tell her to stop being in the middle and just not give a ****.
 

antipop

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if you have good snacks in the house, the kids won't care if you live in a cardboard box

get some pizza rolls and funyuns...and nachos are always a win (canned cheese only)
 

Galbreath34

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Cartman will not be thrilled to understand that there will be no side dishes, but the rest of the kids will be stoked to have waffles for dinner.

 

BHM

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k, so i posted the below thread a few years ago and i thought we had a decent discussion (though there were many red thumbs for even starting the thread:idunno:)
http://saintsreport.com/forums/f3/d...nancial-means-328255/index4.html#.V-kzOYgrKM8

so here is "son of" that thread:
b/c my wife teaches at a certain area "good" school, my oldest is able to go start going there this year (we also happened to find a place a block away so we jumped on that - the house is just basic NO shotgun - no frills but not a bad place)
he's already had to playdates at friends' houses
when my wife took him to the first house said said he gasped at the size of it - and that was a gut punch for her (it's very complicated)

We haven't had any of his friends over (we've just finished unpacking and there's a 2 1/2 yr old that complicates plans as well), but I'm sure the topic is coming up soon
I know that my wife is dreading the idea of having a kid from super nice house come over to our much more humble home

insights?



Young kids typically do not looks at the size of a friend's home. We l vet near a subdivision that had home values averaging over $500,000. My kids had several friends that lived there and never did they come home raving about the houses. They generally do not view such things as adults do.

There is always somebody that lives in a bigger house than you as well as somebody that lives in a home smaller than you. What is more memorable is the fun that happens while there. Bake some fresh cookies and that kid will remember that versus what size the house.


Congrats on the new place near the school.
 

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