Need In-Law advice (1 Viewer)

[redlandssaintsson]

So my wife and I are looking to buy a new house. We've found plenty in our price range that are in nice areas blah blah. Today she says that her parents found one for us that is larger than the ones we've been looking at, in a nicer area than we've been looking at, and a little out of the price range. Here's the kicker. There's a "Granny House" in the back. They had suggested that we buy this home and they live back there. I need some advice. How many here would do this, is this something I should really consider saying yes to, and if I stick with my initial reactionary choice of no, how do I break it to the wife. Let it be known that I actually really like my in-laws and they me, so it's not a matter of not getting along or anything.

 

[Sun Wukong]

Are they infirmed? If not, no. That's the kind of thing you do for the elderly, not just for the hell of it. It can take a toll on a relationship and lead to screwy domestic dynamics.

 

[NYCsaint]

You won't like them much longer if you do it.

Best way to tell her: just tell her the the truth about how your feeling.


Easy all around.

 

[saintmdterps]

House guests are like fish--both begin to stink after 3 days--Ben Franklin

They are too close to being house guests for my liking, and I get along with my in-laws as well. Too much likelihood of drop-ins, shared meals etc. I say no way.

Good luck to you on this one, could be sticky with the wife.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

What are the demographics involved?
do y'all have kids?
are they offering to pitch in?

I'm mid 40s my parents are mid 60s - dad just had heart surgery and mom's semi-useless outside of the house. I would do this for baby sitting (5 yr old) as well as keeping an eye on them - id have to talk my wife into it though

 

[gavinj]

God no, I cant believe you are even considering this.

 

[zatsnzapps]

Soooooo....what would she think if your parents wanted to move in?

opc:

 

[redlandssaintsson]

What are the demographics involved?
do y'all have kids?
are they offering to pitch in?

I'm mid 40s my parents are mid 60s - dad just had heart surgery and mom's semi-useless outside of the house. I would do this for baby sitting (5 yr old) as well as keeping an eye on them - id have to talk my wife into it though

We're mid 20's, they're mid 50's, we don't yet have kids, they would be pitching in. They're both healthy and do well by themselves. I think the suggestion was mostly out of desire for us to get a larger house, but at that cost I'll say no. Thanks for the info guys.

 

[Galbreath34]

Yeah, that's pretty much a check of whether testosterone + sanity > need for luxury and space.

Some can do it. My aunt lives in a MIL on my cousin's property. The fact that you ask, though, probably shows that it'd take a long term toll on all the relationships. If you don't think it's a gee golly terrific idea at the start, it's not gonna be "swell" in 5 or 10 years.

 

[Ted]

they're in their 50's and they want to live with their kids? that's scary. Seems like there needs to be a little detachment there.

 

[redlandssaintsson]

they're in their 50's and they want to live with their kids? that's scary. Seems like there needs to be a little detachment there.

It's not a want to live with us really. It was a desire to help us get that larger house. But I don't want it THAT much. The idea of living with anyone but just my wife at this point seems awful. I enjoy my space.

 

[FLIPPY]

Built in baby sitters....


I know y'all don't have kids now but it would be great in the future...

 

[BHM]

Live next to my in-laws, no freaking way but they are not fun to be around for more than 10 minutes.

Now my wife and I do partially live next door to my oldest son and his wife. I say partially because we are still building the house. They lived with us the first two years they were married. It has been great but we all get along and enjoy being together. Take turns cutting grass, heping each other do work around the houses.

Wife cares for their child and hopefully they will care for us when that time comes. In our case it has worked out good. You have to look at your situation and the players involved and make your own decision.

 

[Semper]

I'd do it. One day you guys will have kids, bam, babysitter is ready to go. Also at some point in the future and they will start needing your help with stuff (my mother in law does) so it would be a much closer drive, only one lawn to cut that kind of thing. Also at his age he has a wealth of knowledge that you can use around the house. On a side note I'd never buy a house again. Costs too much to maintain etc.

 

[GhostFace]

are they offering to pitch in?

This. Are they going to pay the difference?

The main question is how much time do they have left. Do you really want two people living there the rest of their lives?

You will either have them die in your backyard or have to move them into "the front house."


Do you really want to watch someone grow old and die for the next decade?

Do you really want to watch your wife watch her parents grow old and die for the next decade?

I hate to be insensitive but unless they need to be there and you have a moral obligation to help them, then it seems like an unnecessary strain on your marriage.

And in a worst case scenario, you get a divorce and are stuck paying to house them. I don't know the laws but I imagine that if you take on the burden while married, it will carry over.

 

[Dre]

Hell no. If it were for them to come by for an occasional visit, maybe. To live there!? **** no.