Parenthood - One Month In (1 Viewer)

[NotOnHerb]

So I have been even quieter than usual on here thanks to my wife and I welcoming our first child into the world on June 29th. Today is my first day back on the full time grind after working a few part time weeks.

Things have been better than expected so far with her sleeping more than 2 hour stretches starting 2 weeks in and generally being a very happy baby. Doesn't hurt that she is cute as heck.

Any fatherly advice is welcome that doesn't include threatening boys with shotguns.

 

[superchuck500]

Congrats man - that first month is brutal! I have two girls (they’re now 5 and 3), and being daddy to girls is amazing. I guess for advice I would say trust your instincts, use resources (like online shared parenting knowledge and product reviews)and don’t be afraid to do things differently than mommy does - you mind find that something different works for you.

It’s a journey - the hardest thing you’ll ever do probably. But the love can’t be measured.

 

[Brennan77]

Congrats! I'm 9 months in myself. Every day is something new and amazing. I'm not sure I have much to offer in terms of advice yet, but Chuck's comment about being free to do things differently than Mom seems pretty good. We already have developed a bond that's quite different than with her mother. We just have different rules of engagement and expectations around each other. It's kinda wild. For instance, there's just way less whining when mom isn't home and she's held less. However, I'm much more likely to make sure I catch her during a fall or actively prevent missteps than her mother.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Things have been better than expected so far with her sleeping more than 2 hour stretches starting 2 weeks in

Any fatherly advice is welcome .

1st word of advice is never talk about how well sleeping is going - sleeping is always going to be harder for the wife and you jusy don't want to leave that kind of opening for an exhausted new mom
similarly don't come home and talk about how hard work was (try to take the baby as soon as possible when you get home)
help out around the house
start saving for college now
start discussing daycare now (get on waiting lists - not kidding)
"wear" the baby - even in the house - i really like the Ergo sling
read to the baby and momma (i read Pride & Prejudice and one of my son's first sentences was "no more mr darcy")
not sure where you are but summer strolls can be a challenge with the heat - if your have museum or zoo/aquarium memberships it helps or go to the mall
little splash pools are great
be comfortable with getting it wrong a lot
she'll tell you when it;s time for sex again - don't push it (i think us men don't really get the hell her body just went through)
have fun!!

 

[SDotJeezy]

Congrats...one piece of advice i can give any new parent is: Don't blink, cherish every moment. She'll grow up faster than you can handle. My baby girl is 6 now and there are times where I pick her up and try to cradle her like a baby, just that she's too damn big now. We dads tend to get all wrapped up w/ work/house/other kids/bills/etc and they grow up with us barely noticing.

 

[efil4stnias]

Congrats...one piece of advice i can give any new parent is: Don't blink, cherish every moment. She'll grow up faster than you can handle. My baby girl is 6 now and there are times where I pick her up and try to cradle her like a baby, just that she's too damn big now. We dads tend to get all wrapped up w/ work/house/other kids/bills/etc and they grow up with us barely noticing.

Plus 100.

mine are 14 and 9.

I remember this story- wife and i went to destin when the oldest was merely 10 months. So we get to beach, set her up in a tiny inflatable wade pool under umbrella among people just relaxing. 15 min in, she starts crying. so wife and i agree to take turns down at beach while other takes her back. As i was packing to take her, a man next to us says "where you going?" i told him the plan and he said "forget that! if the folks around here cannot understand what it is to have a child, forget em". See mine out there? (pointing into surf ) - She is 8. She wont stop talking...i LONG for the days of 10 mo old. But more importantly...it happens in a blink of an eye. so enjoy the beach WITH your baby".

we did.

So yeah - absolutely cherish it.

 

[superchuck500]

Plus 100.

mine are 14 and 9.

I remember this story- wife and i went to destin when the oldest was merely 10 months. So we get to beach, set her up in a tiny inflatable wade pool under umbrella among people just relaxing. 15 min in, she starts crying. so wife and i agree to take turns down at beach while other takes her back. As i was packing to take her, a man next to us says "where you going?" i told him the plan and he said "forget that! if the folks around here cannot understand what it is to have a child, forget em". See mine out there? (pointing into surf ) - She is 8. She wont stop talking...i LONG for the days of 10 mo old. But more importantly...it happens in a blink of an eye. so enjoy the beach WITH your baby".

we did.

So yeah - absolutely cherish it.

That’s another good point - people are more forgiving about babies than you might expect (anyone with kids is probably going to be understanding - even older empty nesters).

We have had a bunch of situations where I was concerned (like at dinner) and the people next to us would say “don’t worry about it - it’s little kids, we’ve been there!”

 

[Mr. Sparkle]

Definitely dont be afraid to take her places while she is still in the bucket. Once she starts crawling/walking, things change dramatically and it gets harder and harder to wrangle them.

My only meta-parenting advice is, yes, savor every moment, but also take a long term view. Remove yourself from the immediate problem and focus on the bigger picture. For example, we used to get very worked up over not finishing a meal ("you need it to grow!! etc") Not worth stressing over it - as long as she is eating enough over the course of a day (or a week or month), what happens at one individual meal is not that important. Same with potty training - my daughter basically just refused for the longest time, and it was very stressful for us. Finally, a friend said to me, "You know, very few kids show up in high school in diapers - she will do it when she's ready." So we stopped pushing it, and it of course finally happened on its own.

Especially with first child, its easy to get sucked into stressing over every bump and bruise or problem as Really Important! but they just aren't. Save your energy, and above all, BE POSITIVE and BE PATIENT. If I could re-do it I would tell myself that every day. Stay positive and patient.

I'm not very good at being positive and patient, so it's hard, but its the right way.

FYI my girl is 16, my boy is 13.

 

[NotOnHerb]

Thanks everyone. Generally it seems like I am already thinking on the wave length of your suggestions, but I know it will be a struggle to keep some of the positive mindset long term and not get bummed out when things get hard. We're definitely not trying to freak out over little things, but again, its been 1 month. We've made it a point of continuing to do things like walk to the coffee shop, go to breakfast or dinner on her schedule (after a feed) and tend to pick places that aren't packed.

I am trying to do my best to help out as much as I can with things. I get up for all the nighttime feeds and handle everything I can outside of the actual feeding itself so that she isn't stressed by the lack of sleep. We have been doing good with tag teaming the fussy times as much as we can. Trying to be better about finding things to do around the house. That is the hardest part as she works from home and is fighting with her own urge to handle what she was handling before.

 

[Bronson]

Any fatherly advice is welcome that doesn't include threatening boys with shotguns.

20 years in and I wanna kill everyone... I'd advise you to take them out early

 

[Brennan77]

Oh, here's a revelation. Learn to enjoy the comparatively painless diapers she produces at this age. They get worse....and worse....and worse. I ordered some painter's masks recently. They help. Good God almighty.

 

[Mr. Sparkle]

Also, for those with girls about to become teenagers, I recommend this book on how to deal with the grim reality of living with a teenage girl.

Amazon product ASIN 0553393073View: https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073


The teen years will really make you appreciate the days of dirty diapers and no sleep.

 

[Goatman Saint]

Patience, positive, don’t be afraid to do the little things that they love even thought it’s not “cool” (yes I had painted toenails more than once) and cherish each moment. Mine are 20 and almost 26 and live in different states.

 

[efil4stnias]

Also, for those with girls about to become teenagers, I recommend this book on how to deal with the grim reality of living with a teenage girl.

Amazon product ASIN 0553393073View: https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073


The teen years will really make you appreciate the days of dirty diapers and no sleep.

My wife finished Queen Bees and Wanna bees. Was recommended by several to understand teen girls.

Its a web lol

 

[porculator]

Thanks everyone. Generally it seems like I am already thinking on the wave length of your suggestions, but I know it will be a struggle to keep some of the positive mindset long term and not get bummed out when things get hard. We're definitely not trying to freak out over little things, but again, its been 1 month. We've made it a point of continuing to do things like walk to the coffee shop, go to breakfast or dinner on her schedule (after a feed) and tend to pick places that aren't packed.

I am trying to do my best to help out as much as I can with things. I get up for all the nighttime feeds and handle everything I can outside of the actual feeding itself so that she isn't stressed by the lack of sleep. We have been doing good with tag teaming the fussy times as much as we can. Trying to be better about finding things to do around the house. That is the hardest part as she works from home and is fighting with her own urge to handle what she was handling before.

I think it's important to point out that the first few months really suck, especially for the mom, but it gets a lot better.

You hear everyone telling you how great having a baby is, and you may think there's something wrong if you don't really understand the enthusiasm at first. For the first few months, all the kid does is need. There's not much personality or emotion from them other than crying when something isn't perfect. But then after a few months they start to smile and laugh and sit up and eventually be able to entertain themselves for 5 seconds while you use the john. From what I can tell, that is the sweet spot everyone is reminiscing about when they talk about how great babies are.

(I'm by no means an expert, we are at 10 months with #1, but just talking to our friends in similar situations, I think its important to point out that the first couple months universally suck and to try to not let it discourage you)