Parents force Teen to hold up sign as punishment. (merged) (2 Viewers)

[LSSpam]

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For some reason the family is getting some flack for it.

Now, I find this weird, because in South Florida at least two black kids were forced to hold up similar signs by their mothers and it was universally applauded (the local news did a segment). I didn't hear a single person talking about the poor kid's self-esteem. I honestly don't think it's a race thing, even though that is one difference, but do you think it's just because it ended up on Facebook and the "Internet Haters" got a hold of it?

I think if it worked, then it's effective parenting and didn't cause any real harm. Being embarrassed isn't abuse. If it was, then every child would claim abuse from their parents, and vice versa.

At this point I'd be suspicious of the parents motivations.

When these "public acts of parenting" first began they were clearly spontaneous. Now as more and more have drawn attention, turning some parents into temporary stars even, I'm suspicious that many parents aren't choosing to do such things not out of desperation or creativity, but for their own public profile (at the expense of their kids). Which, of course,is disgusting and deplorable.

 

[coldseat]

IDK, It's for me to berate the parents here. I think they are well-intentioned and that they really do believe they have there child's best interest in hand, but it's not a course of action I would have chosen. Contrary to popular belief, I don't think you need to humiliate you child to get the best out of them or to get them to overcome adversity or to get them to have respect and manners. Correction is important, just not humiliation.

Given that there was a specific point at which the behavior started, It would have been worth while to go back to that point and address the loss of her uncle. Maybe some counselling or other therapy (it doesn't really say if they did that or not in the article) would have been my first choice.

The child's grade and attitude may improve, but what's the message being sent? "You improve your grade or we'll humiliate you." Or is it, "We love you, your grades and life are important, you need to have a good attitude in life, and grief and loss are a difficult part of life, but we you need to find a way to cope with those feelings and overcome that adversity. We're here to help." I'm just not sure what message was conveyed with that punishment. But I would prefer to convey the second message as opposed to the first through whatever punishment I chose to give to my child.

 

[LSSpam]

I strongly disagree with the parenting here. If the only way to motivate your child is public humiliation you are lacking creativity. Bush league move by the parents imo. This is an example of why the child acts as she does in the first place.

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You know, when I was a kid, parents (including mine) would do things like make you go pitch watermelons or tar a roof for the weekend without pay as punishment. My parents never publicly humiliated me, and I'm not sure i would have responded positively to that. But they did work my *** off, and I loathed it and actively tried to avoid it, but interestingly enough, beyond the discipline I think I benefited in having a better appreciation for work ethic and a greater capacity for hard work.


But, then, that doesn't turn you into a parenting Facebook star.

 

[VaeVictus]

You can't teach respect by disrespecting. The fact that this is on yahoo.com with a photo of the parents says all you need to know.

How is this disrespecting? Are we never to learn consequences are a result of our actions? The instances I can recall of being taught humility were lessons I used to improve.

 

[Rugger]

I think as a parent you try to find what works. My brother, even as a young kid, hated missing practice as a punishment. He felt like he let his coaches and team down if he was not there. It worked.

I was not as good in sports (plus I was stubborn as hell), so a missed practice was not as big of a deal. After awhile, getting thing taken from me lost its power. I liked physical labor, so extra work did not matter, I liked my room, so that was out. However I am/was ADD, so getting hours of lecture and getting asked questions during the lecture to make sure I was paying attention was brutal.

I guess my point is you have to find what works. If making her stand on a corner with the sign works, then it was effective parenting. If sending a kid on a jail tour (scared straight) works, it is effective parenting. I think the biggest challenge is to be consistent with kids. Working in a school IMO most kids want to know their boundaries and limits. They like to know the rules, expectations, and boundaries. I think the same applies to parenting. Parents need to parent. I love my kids dearly, but when they mess up, they mess up. Right now time out works. It will not always work. All kids test the limits. Teenagers test them differently.

I would say having seen many kids come from homes with parents that are either too much of a friend and ultimately excuse makers for their kids behavior or parents that are not evolved enough for what ever reason, at least these parents are trying.

 

[Brennan77]

How is this disrespecting? Are we never to learn consequences are a result of our actions? The instances I can recall of being taught humility were lessons I used to improve.

A parent's actions teach a child how to behave. What do you think is being taught to this child in this instance?

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[Rugger]

A parent's actions teach a child how to behave. What do you think is being taught to this child in this instance?

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I guess it depends on the child. If having to hold a sign on a corner teaches her that there are consequences to her actions that she may not like and would not want to experience those consequences again, I would probably say it was a lesson learned. It she has a low self esteem and something like therapy would have been more effective, then I would say it was not the best choice of punishment. It is really hard to say unless you know the kid, the parents, and the behaviors/discipline that was tried.

 

[Mojomajik9]

I don't really agree with this tactic either. It does seem to be about getting some Facebook cred for the parents rather than correcting the kid's behavior. A mother did the same thing here in Panama City to her son. Evidently he stole something and she made him stand outside on a curb with a sign that read "I'm a thief." He was little boy too..I'd guess 6 or 7. She was right by his side, smiling and waving at cars trying to get them to honk their horn. I just felt bad for the kid. At that point, why not put him stocks?

When I was around 8 years old I stole a few comics from a grocery store. I got caught and my mom made me go back into the store and apologize to the manager and then I got punished at home. It didn't need to be a spectacle and I learned my lesson and apologized to the person I hurt. But, like LSSpam said, that doesn't get you in the news.

 

[Saint_Kyle]

This is only going to promote the concept to the children that when someone does something they interpret as out of line that they should do something to humiliate and embarrass the person as a form of discipline.

This will lead to the child having a bully mentality. The parents need to learn a consequence that is more fitting. Taking away privileges, or perhaps they should have been proactive in this situation and used better parenting tactics from the beginning.

 

[Madhattr]

The comedian thinks we should beat our kids.

He isn't the only one. Spare the rod spoil the child. More time spent with their child and helping with their homework is a good start also. You also need to teach your children respect. Yes sir, no sir, yes maam, no maam. It starts with the parents but discipline and a good switch from the weeping willow out back does wonders. Thats how my grandma did it. You messed up and it was, "ok go get something for me to beat you with".

 

[Bayouman007]

jesus... they should have just beat the crap out of her. As a kid if I messed up I'd get the crap kicked out of me. Look at me now... upstanding friggen citizen of society.

Hippi Kayeh ************

 

[Geldo]

I'd rather my kids respected kindness and gentility, inspirational people who lead by example, and role models who encourage youngsters to inquire rather than obey.

This rather pathetic and childish attempt to shame a young person says so much more about the inflexibility and self-entitlement of the parents, who feel they should have the blind respect of a fragile young person who they are so quick to belittle when their authority is challenged.

It's a shame every kid in the street didn't support their friend by wielding a sign saying 'My respect is earned by those who would rather inspire me than humiliate me.

 

[Paul]

My mom and dad put a sign on me as well.

"For Sale - FREE. Comes with a Puppy".

Seriously, I'm not in favor of humiliating children; however, parenting is a challenge and it seems like these folks are seeking a way to straighten their child up.

 

[Geldo]

When I was around 8 years old I stole a few comics from a grocery store. I got caught and my mom made me go back into the store and apologize to the manager and then I got punished at home. It didn't need to be a spectacle and I learned my lesson and apologized to the person I hurt. But, like LSSpam said, that doesn't get you in the news.

Same thing here, except it was chocolate not comics.
I think we both learned without being humiliated and branded - and that's good parenting.

 

[LSSpam]

Same thing here, except it was chocolate not comics.
I think we both learned without being humiliated and branded - and that's good parenting.

Well, you were humiliated, or I was in a similar instance, but it was different.

I had to go to the store and return what I stole (a silly key chain) as well. Seems to be a common experience. It was scary, I was ashamed, I pretty much wanted to crawl into a hole. But it had a point. I was ashamed because I had to face the guy I stole from (actually just the manager but to a kid it's the same thing), give it back, be stared down and listen to my dad apologize about me. For a kid that succkkkks.

But my parents were reinforcing a lesson they kept consistent throughout my childhood into college. Own your mistakes. If you mess up, take responsibility, face the music, deal with the consequences.

And then they taught me "move on". Seeing I was sufficiently impacted we went home, my dad cooked burgers and French fries, and nothing else was said (besides having to do superfluous yard work, raking up pine straw despite having done it last weekend, etc).

I don't know what the situation was with the girl, other than being skeptical about the parents motivations I don't have a lot of specific thoughts.

But I think there should be a "point" when parents do things, not just arbitrary pain or punishment. You hear about parents needing to exhibit "consistency", well having a purpose behind actions seem like a good thing. Humiliating a child just to humiliate them is arbitrary, I'm not sure you really reinforce anything by doing that. Making the kid return what he stole as a lesson in owning your mistakes, that seems like something worthwhile.