Serious relationships..... (1 Viewer)

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superchuck500 said:
I have had three.

1. Started in college and lasted much longer than it should have. We were compatible in college but definitely not after that and I was the one that lost interest . . . I should have ended it sooner than I did, regret stringing her on.
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that too is one of my greatest regrets. Twice I was in relationships that I knew would not work long before they ended. Its not that I was consciously stringing them on but had I taken the time to really look at it I would have known that was what was going on. The second time I did that, the woman wanted children and I feel horrible about not moving her towards that sooner. At the time, I wanted kids too but never would have with someone I thought to be cat shirt crazy.
 
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Highschool sweetheart that lasted through and after college with a few break ups along the way. She was a great person but in the end we were different people then when we started dating and it should have ended sooner. I never cheated on her but I definitely saw other possibilities in college.

My wife, we met on Frenchmen the night of KdV and reconnected after Mardi Gras. Basically moved in together 3 months into the relationship and got a dog together 9 months in. Now been together for 11 years and married for 7.5 years and have a 19 month old.
 
I think some of y’all are putting a bit too much weight on yourselves about prolonging relationships
If your relationship remains intact through life changing events (college to real life, relocation, ‘disasters ‘ of any and all stripes); you and your partner will undoubtedly change as people
BUT, when you look at each other you see a lot of the vestiges of the person you were when y’all met
And that reflection is probably more pronounced than being aware of the person you (and they) have become
It takes awhile for the new signal to get through the old noise
 
guidomerkinsrules said:
I think some of y’all are putting a bit too much weight on yourselves about prolonging relationships
If your relationship remains intact through life changing events (college to real life, relocation, ‘disasters ‘ of any and all stripes); you and your partner will undoubtedly change as people
BUT, when you look at each other you see a lot of the vestiges of the person you were when y’all met
And that reflection is probably more pronounced than being aware of the person you (and they) have become
It takes awhile for the new signal to get through the old noise
Click to expand...

I just realized that if I ever hire a relationship counselor, that their ability to communicate in English is going to be my top selection criteria.
 
superchuck500 said:
I have had three.

1. Started in college and lasted much longer than it should have. We were compatible in college but definitely not after that and I was the one that lost interest . . . I should have ended it sooner than I did, regret stringing her on.

2. The hot-but-crazy rebound from #1. Also lasted much longer than it should have (more than 3 years) - became highly toxic.

3. My wife. Our second date lasted a whole weekend. Our third date pretty much hasn't ended for going-on 14 years now.
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Third time is the charm, Chuck.
guidomerkinsrules said:
I think some of y’all are putting a bit too much weight on yourselves about prolonging relationships
If your relationship remains intact through life changing events (college to real life, relocation, ‘disasters ‘ of any and all stripes); you and your partner will undoubtedly change as people
BUT, when you look at each other you see a lot of the vestiges of the person you were when y’all met
And that reflection is probably more pronounced than being aware of the person you (and they) have become
It takes awhile for the new signal to get through the old noise
Click to expand...
Translated into dummy language:
Grow Together. ?
 
guidomerkinsrules said:
Live in gf in college - she was older (grad student) and probably taught me more about being a man than anyone
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It's interesting you bring that up. It's a common theme I've found in men I've dated since I moved to California almost 2 years ago. The men I dated in Texas had their own things but I never really felt like experience and understanding how to be a man/good boyfriend was one of them. Men in the south are different (better IMO).

Here, men my own age and one I dated who was younger, still seem to be lacking so much experience that I'm like god I feel like I'm dealing with a child (in fact, when I deal with my 20 year old son, it's similar but at least he's 20 and legitimately lacks the experience). Like how have you gone on this long without ever having a girlfriend who has ever expected more from you? Part of me thinks that it's due to today's hookup culture. People never actually invest time and effort into relationships so they have no clue how to sustain one.

In those cases, I don't stick around because I feel like I'm too old to have a "project" boyfriend.

Especially for a younger guy. Like I'm not putting in all this work to make them good boyfriend material so that at some point down the road they can dump me for a younger woman once they've finally gotten their shirt together.

The younger guy I dated had only had one serious relationship in his life that lasted 2 years (with another woman who was older than him) and he said that any time they'd get in a fight if they were at her place, he'd go sleep on the sofa, she'd then kick him out of her house altogether, get to his house and she'd send pictures of handfuls of pills and threaten suicide and he'd go back to make sure she was okay and they'd be back together and also cited some fake pregnancy scare that the woman involved his dad in.

He also said a lot of their problems were "self inflicted" (but never elaborated). So I'm like k, your only serious relationship was super toxic and dysfunctional so you really will have no idea how to be in one with me and I'm not trying to spend the time undoing all that mess and showing you the right way. Like just because you know that your last way of doing things was not a good way, you still have no experience doing things the right way which means for me it's going to be a long painful project and daycare ain't my ministry.

As for the question in the OP, 4 serious relationships. One being my marriage.
 
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My first one was during my second stint in college. After I recovered from Guillain-Barre', I found that I had lost a lot of memory and she was kind of like a stranger to me. Was a pretty bad situation

My second one is my wife of 14 years and every day there is a new and exciting WTF? moment
 

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