I hear what you are saying. I've no idea but from all accounts so far the request was not made with disrespect. How it was perceived however, we'll never get to ask.Which then leads me to this whole cultural phenomenom of "disrespect*.
Did he feel that being asked that question, while in presence of his brother, cause him to feel as tho he was disrespected? Or taken as such.
I have noticed, even on SSF over the last few years, this whole" no respect* thing happening. I gotta believe that mindset bleeds over for some inot personal dealings and they are quick to feel disrespected. Not sure how you reverse that, but it's definitely out there today.
All I can say about the rest is that I'm working to address my personal interactions to be as unbiased and respectful as possible. I've given up on changing anyone else as it doesn't work. I can only be a better me.