Since the EE likes controversial questions: (1 Viewer)

[CapitalCitySaint]

Similar to the “Am I an azzz hole” thread question, I present to you all the following:



Let’s discuss.

 

[SWJJ]

She shouldn't force that on him. He is absolutely correct. If they split and he had adopted the other kids he would be responsible. Also if he adopted them the kids could lose survivor benefits if something happened to their biological father.

 

[WhoDatPhan78]

"If we split",

Never a good sign when you are considering that type of contingency.

not saying it's not wise, but it's just not a good sign.

This question being brought up has probably doomed the marriage.

 

[efil4stnias]

"If we split",

Never a good sign when you are considering that type of contingency.

not saying it's not wise, but it's just not a good sign.

This question being brought up has probably doomed the marriage.

if you think that aint cool, wait til you go sit with attorney about will, life support etc.

I left there in a tizzy. Contemplating own mortality is not enjoyable. ( but sure did have fun when wife turn - tee hee )

AS for OP- gosh im old school i guess in that i would adopt. But i think for me, would depend on age. For instance, if both kids are mid teens, probably no. Under 10- yes. 10-14 i gotta sleep on it. ( but lean to yeah )

But SWJJ brings up a good point about losing benefits. So we would have to really sit down to discuss.

 

[Madmarsha]

Well, I'd need to hear a lot more but he's obviously feeling the red flags already so, no, he's not wrong.

 

[St. Widge]

They really should have gotten the answer to this before they got married. I don't think either the wife or the husband is "wrong" here. It really depends on the relationship the kids from the prior marriage have with their biological father and what relationship they have with their mom's new husband. But, again, they really should have discussed and decided this before they got married.

 

[Bayouboy]

That should not be forced on him, but, over time......HE may want to adopt said chiren. Let time handle that situation.

If it's a deal breaker, move on.

 

[Arathrael]

She shouldn't force that on him. He is absolutely correct. If they split and he had adopted the other kids he would be responsible. Also if he adopted them the kids could lose survivor benefits if something happened to their biological father.

There's obviously other factors there, like, is their biological father even alive?

I can see how adoption wouldn't be appropriate in a lot of circumstances. If their biological father is alive and involved with them, it'd seem kind of inappropriate for example.

But then I'd also say, he's been a father figure to those kids for at least four years at that point? He should have a relationship with them independent of his relationship with their mother. It doesn't sound great that he'd be happy to just lose that entirely if there was a split. Sounds like his concerns are just financial and he doesn't really have a relationship with those kids.

But hey, that might be justified in the circumstances. Problem is we don't know the circumstances.

I'd lean towards him being wrong, just on the grounds that the question coming up itself implies that there are grounds for adoption to be the right thing. But who knows?

 

[0rion]

Age of kids would be nice to have but I don't think it looks good as others have said if he pictures a time they're not together.

Related.....when I was in my 20's I dated a girl that was divorced with a 5-6 yr old daughter. She couldn't have any more children. As soon as I learned that I knew we wouldn't go past dating. I didn't feel good about it because she was a nice girl and I liked her alot. I just couldn't picture me without my own kids and the kid I would inherit was old enough to know the difference. I broke it off for that reason and that reason only. I didn't tell her that was the reason because I already felt slimy enough and putting the reason on something she had no control over seemed extra slimy.

 

[Saint by the Bay]

I don't think he's in the wrong, but those are the kinds of things you discuss before marriage, not after. They are just critical questions that can have a massive effect on a marriage. I don't understand how little effort people put into getting on the same page with someone BEFORE making a lifetime commitment to them.

I guess it just comes from the fact that many people today don't see marriage as a lifetime commitment.

 

[Bayouboy]

I guess it just comes from the fact that many people today don't see marriage as a lifetime commitment.

We have a winner!!!

 

[Brandon13]

If you've got the sort of relationship where you're operating from the position of "if we split".. no you shouldn't further entangle your life with this other person and their children.

You should probably spend your time attempting to sort out the issues that make you feel this way about the relationship as I'd argue happy people/spouses generally do not operate from such negative viewpoints of their relationship, or just think about going ahead and ending the marriage if you can tell this sheet isn't going to work out.

 

[St. Widge]

If you've got the sort of relationship where you're operating from the position of "if we split".. no you shouldn't further entangle your life with this other person and their children.

You should probably spend your time attempting to sort out the issues that make you feel this way about the relationship as I'd argue happy people/spouses generally do not operate from such negative viewpoints of their relationship, or just think about going ahead and ending the marriage if you can tell this sheet isn't going to work out.

Yeah, you do have to wonder if it's a relationship that is not going well and the wife thinks that maybe if he adopts her kids it will "make them a family." But, any relationship where you get married prior to discussing what is going to go on with the kids you already have is probably not going to end well. I just feel sorry for all the kids involved in this or situations like this.

 

[Sun Wukong]

They're headed for divorce, he just hasn't fully admitted it to himself yet.

 

[Zack Lee]

They really should have gotten the answer to this before they got married.

this is the only correct answer. If that is important to her, she should have put it on the table before the marriage and then they could have come to live with each other’s positions or split ways less invested.