So my father is dating again (mom died 2 years ago) - and she's 4 years older than me (1 Viewer)

2009ring

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My dad is 67. Was married to my mom for 44 years before she died 2 years ago.

He calls me the other day says he's met somebody, and they're somewhat serious. She's 47. I'm 44. My wife is 45.

I haven't met this woman yet. Anyone have a similar situation and how did you handle it....advice, etc?
 
The older you get the less age matters. If it isn't a sugar daddy type where she is just there for his money situation let the man be happy. My mom had to deal with people that just wanted her to support them. She is fine with not dating now. But she had to learn that on her own, no matter how much her kids told her what was happening.
 
I have to ask a question first. Is there a significant difference in net worth/income between the two of them?
no, she's not a gold digger if that's what you're thinking. She's a professional and been single for last 12 years or so due to divorce.
 
My mother in law made me laugh so hard when we were talking this. She was widowed 3 years ago and has zero interest in meeting anyone else.

Her - "I love being single, I don't have to put up with anyone else's bull shirt"
 
I have a regular that comes into my restaurant who is 70 and he consistently dates women who are 20-30 years younger. I asked him why he doesn't date women his own age and he said, and I quote " Brad, trying to be with a woman that is 70 is like dying to open up a cold grilled cheese sandwich". Just brutal visual. But he's happy doing it.

I've got another regular that is about 70 who was dating a woman who was 48 or so. She ended up breaking up with him because the age gap got to be too much of an issue. At first it wasn't such a big deal, but it catches up. And it really hurt him. I think he more wants to have a companpand she was looking for someone more active. So I guess it all depends on what your father is looking for.

All in all, as long as he's happy, that's what's important. Life is too short to be miserable.
 
I do have experience in such situations, involving my dad (4 times that I know of) and my father-in-law (2). Your dad's case may be legit attraction, but the sad truth is, there are plenty of gold diggers out there who prey on older men, and plenty of older men who are willing to be prey. I don't know how well-to-do your dad is, but it isn't necessarily so that one has to be rich for someone to try digging money and/or gifts, and it can be hard to discern when "normal" (dinners, buying a piece of jewelry, taking vacations) becomes gold digging, unless you find the cashed 5 figure checks ( FIL).

I'll say, though, in my dad's case, he knew the women were gold digging, but he was filthy rich and smart enough to set limits for himself and never disclose to anyone how filthy rich he was. My FIL, not so much.

Anyway, the one piece of advice I'll give you is this: if you get involved in any way other than acceptance, be prepared for the relationship with your dad to take a hit. How big of a hit it will be, it is going to depend on many factors, but it will take a hit.
 
no, she's not a gold digger if that's what you're thinking. She's a professional and been single for last 12 years or so due to divorce.

I wasn't thinking or assuming anything, that's why I asked first. I wanted to ask the question before answering because if there is a significant financial advantage to be had by one party in a situation with an age gap, it's usually a red flag and there would be cause for concern. Since that is not the case, I don't understand what the big deal is. You treat her like you'd treat anyone else your father dates.
 
no, she's not a gold digger if that's what you're thinking. She's a professional and been single for last 12 years or so due to divorce.

I guess I am jaded because of my personal experience, and perhaps I should leave the thread and take my jadedness with me, but that doesn't mean a thing.
 
My mom is 64. She's going through a divorce now. In time, I hope that she finds a nice younger buck to reignite her zest for life (or a man her own age or older too, whatever).

A friend of mine I used to work with, retired a couple of years ago and bought this incredible sailboat that he spends half the year on. He's 63 or so years old and in phenomenal shape for a guy his age and has children my age. He's always dating women much younger than him. I asked him why he doesn't date women his own age. He said it's because they don't take care of themselves and he likes to be healthy and active.

That being said, he usually ends up dating women without anything going for them who take advantage of him (he's set himself up very nicely in retirement and is not hurting for money in any way but he's also not filthy rich). So, while we were talking about why he dates younger women, he told me about the kind of woman he'd prefer. Basically smart, outgoing, active, independent, etc. And I said yeah but don't you realize that any younger woman who meets this criteria is not going to be interested in you because she has her own career and life and is not going to want to give that up to go live out your retirement dream. She'll be too busy building her own future.

He agreed. His last serious girlfriend was 32 and he was 60. She was hot but a crazy mess and really in it to have someone take care of her. He's now dating women in their upper 40''s so there is progress being made.
 
I guess I am jaded because of my personal experience, and perhaps I should leave the thread and take my jadedness with me, but that doesn't mean a thing.

I've seen it happen to other families. I thought you reasonably raised a fair point.
 

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