So my father is dating again (mom died 2 years ago) - and she's 4 years older than me (1 Viewer)

Are you struggling with it strictly because of the age thing, because it's someone other than your mother or a combination of both?
 
.... I don't understand what the big deal is. You treat her like you'd treat anyone else your father dates.
Love this except I'd stop at "anyone else". Now, granted, I never had to deal with this issue; but I think we tend to not look at our parents as people. This is the gripe I had with the Bensons, or any similar situation. Tom lost 2 wives, Tom didn't care to play the field and/or remain lonely, Tom loved Gayle, Gayle loved Tom, Tom -- rich or poor -- deserved to be happy, Gayle -- rich or poor -deserved to be happy. Really didn't need anyone's stamp of approval. The end.

Also really gripes me when people marvel at older people "still" being sexual. I always ask, Oh, yeah? Think about yourself, when do YOU want to stop caring about sex? Sure, unfortunately, it happens sometimes that our bodies let us down and we kind of lose it (hasn't happened to me but I WON'T accept it, ahem, lying down without fighting for it); but nobody WANTS that to happen. "Whoo, whoo, can't wait till I feel dead inside!!!"

We can't be all things to our kids, we can't be all things to our parents. They're people, too.
 
I'm also wary of making other people's "business" fodder for a message board. This is your father but so far, this isn't really affecting you personally. I really hate the thought of third parties discussing details of MY life.

And I'm not trying to tell anybody else how to think or what to do. It's just a thought that occurs to me that maybe doesn't get thought about right away. Playing devil's advocate is my hobby.
 
If god forbid your wife was to pass away tomorrow, would you be looking for women that were 40+? I'm 40 and I'd probably be looking to date women in their late 20's early 30's, if my wife was gone. My son is 20 and if the right 24 year old came around I probably wouldn't kick her outta bed.
 
My father-in-law is in a somewhat similar situation but not in a good way - in my opinion. His wife passed last year and a couple of months ago, he started dating a very young woman that he met in Vegas. This started about the same time that he retired. He is (was?) very financially set, and then we found out a few weeks ago that he has asked a couple of other family members for money. My wife asked him about his new girlfriend and he angrily told her that she is no longer in the picture and to mind her business. Now, he is sharing pictures of himself with other very young and overly-buxom women who he claims to be dating and honestly, I’ve known this man for 20+ years and this isn’t him. Wild parties, messy house, crazy spending, etc. - who is this dude?
I told my wife that as much as she and her brother want to try to see what’s going on with their dad,they need to proceed with caution. It’s a delicate situation in my opinion.
 
My 2 cents-

If she’s was a gold digger and he was looking to have his gold dug, then I can dig it. If he likes his money and needs protection, step in. Always remember though, it’s his money.

Otherwise, live and let live
 
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If god forbid your wife was to pass away tomorrow, would you be looking for women that were 40+? I'm 40 and I'd probably be looking to date women in their late 20's early 30's, if my wife was gone. My son is 20 and if the right 24 year old came around I probably wouldn't kick her outta bed.
If my wife dropped dead tomorrow I'd want someone in their 30's. Before 30 chicks are usually too crazy and irresponsible to take seriously.

I don't have any problems or concerns as far as this thing with my dad goes. Merely looking for ideas on the right frame of mind to have. I'm used to thinking of my mom or any "mom" figure (mother in law, aunt, etc.) as an elder. In this case, although there will never be a "mom" figure here, the woman my dad would be with would be my contemporary.

Again, I'm not really worried about her motives or anything weird, just kind of trying this whole thing on for size and thinking through it.
 
Is this a ruse to tell us that you dad is hung like a horse and you are trying to convince everyone that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?
 
Ask yourself if you are ok with your dad being with anyone else besides your mom. It will probably be awkward for you no matter what but consider your father's happiness as more important than your awkwardness.

Ask yourself if it is the age difference that is creating that awkwardness. If it is, then remember she isn't your new mom or your kid's new grandmother. She is your dad's friend. Often we make an extra effort with friends of loved ones.
 

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