Starbucks at it again (1 Viewer)

Sorry, I missed the question before. No, I don't think that at all & I don't think that I implied that. But what I do think is that sometimes racism gets injected into discussions or arguments over assumptions. Do I think that's fair? I honestly don't know and being white, it's probably not my place to decide.

That's all that I'm saying.

All I know is that it can hinder resolution of an issue and that being on the receiving end of that accusation feels unfair.

Very true on all parts! It's not a comfortable conversation. Your friends, being your friends and not intending to hurt your feelings, could have felt like this but it's no doubt a conversation that had to be had. "You're overeacting" or "you're taking this too seriously" or "everyone gets their turn" are all comments that, purposely or not, are meant to invalidate your concern.

I think these conversations, while uncomfortable, can be more easily had if we start from the standpoint that the person raising the concern did so because he/she thinks he/she has a real concern instead of meeting it with comments that seemingly invalidate the person's point of view. Then in turn, when the other side responds, the same "courtesy" (for lack of a better term) should be extended.
 
I think this is a good example of the form biases can take when discussing racism too. I don't think all police set out to treat Black people differently or people who greet everyone in the office by saying "Good morning" know or even realize what they're doing when they greet the black people in the office by saying "what's up, Girl!" or "What up, bro!" (https://www.blackenterprise.com/27-things-white-people-never-ever-say-black-co-workers/)

Malicious intent doesn't have to be present as your story indicates. But if you never address it, how do discussions take place? I think the correct answer is to have the discussion of the person's feelings and not try to explain why it could not be what the person is feeling. In your situation, your feelings were still important even if your friends intentions weren't malicious.

These are all great points. And I think it's important to realize that most white people don't notice that they do these things or that these things go on. I think it helps greatly when white people can have a frank discussion about these things with black people so that they can understand. Unfortunately, many either don't have that opportunity or won't take that opportunity. And, frankly, it's a hard conversation to start and have for both black and white people. And, it probably works best if white people just listen to what black people have to say about it and keep our mouth shut until we do understand and notice these things.
 
Very true on all parts! It's not a comfortable conversation. Your friends, being your friends and not intending to hurt your feelings, could have felt like this but it's no doubt a conversation that had to be had. "You're overeacting" or "you're taking this too seriously" or "everyone gets their turn" are all comments that, purposely or not, are meant to invalidate your concern.

I think these conversations, while uncomfortable, can be more easily had if we start from the standpoint that the person raising the concern did so because he/she thinks he/she has a real concern instead of meeting it with comments that seemingly invalidate the person's point of view. Then in turn, when the other side responds, the same "courtesy" (for lack of a better term) should be extended.
I think the difference is, that I never thought it was fair to think that my friends were doing it only because I was the smaller guy. I always thought of that as my hangup, not theirs. It's more likely that they just did it because of their comfort level with me, but I let my own insecurities twist that into something that it wasn't and it could have been something that damaged our friendship. I'm not saying that it is necessarily the same thing, I'm just saying that from my perspective & experiences, it feels like it can be.
 
I think the difference is, that I never thought it was fair to think that my friends were doing it only because I was the smaller guy. I always thought of that as my hangup, not theirs. It's more likely that they just did it because of their comfort level with me, but I let my own insecurities twist that into something that it wasn't and it could have been something that damaged my friendship. I'm not saying that it is necessarily the same thing, I'm just saying that from my perspective & experiences, it feels like it can be.

I support the space for smaller guys to all have different feelings about how they are treated. You came to a conclusion that someone else may never reach and there's an even smaller guy out there that never even had a second thought about it and laughed it off. All are genuine.

Again, expressing one's concerns shouldn't be routinely dismissed especially if there's a history to support the origin of those feelings...err, in this case, tall people picking on shorter people.
 
I support the space for smaller guys to all have different feelings about how they are treated. You came to a conclusion that someone else may never reach and there's an even smaller guy out there that never even had a second thought about it and laughed it off. All are genuine.

Again, expressing one's concerns shouldn't be routinely dismissed especially if there's a history to support the origin of those feelings...err, in this case, tall people picking on shorter people.

Hey, short people pick on tall people too! I can remember when I was on a little league basketball team and we used to chant "burn that tree with gasoline!" at the opponent's tallest player. :hihi:
 
What are some examples of microagression? I'm just trying to picture what that looks like.

Excellent start of the discussion. Here's a few:

Trending a conversation that completely omits a minority member of the group.

Not realizing you have a "I am not used to seeing you in this situation" look on your face: ask any black professional what happens when he/she is in a boardroom.

Being patronizing without realizing it.

In a conversation, again without realizing it, presuming that a single member of a minority speaks for all of it. This completely objectifies the person and denies their existence as a individual.

Look, I'm a middle-aged white guy, so I am probably not the best person to ask, but I at least wanted to see if this could be a meaningful discussion about something I didn't ever realize was a thing until about five years ago. :covri:
 
Hey, short people pick on tall people too! I can remember when I was on a little league basketball team and we used to chant "burn that tree with gasoline!" at the opponent's tallest player. :hihi:

Ummm, I don't think the teasing is the core issue here....
 
Hey, short people pick on tall people too! I can remember when I was on a little league basketball team and we used to chant "burn that tree with gasoline!" at the opponent's tallest player. :hihi:
I have a buddy of mine that's 6'-6" and he gets mad (not really) at me when I purposefully position myself in his shade. :D
 
In a conversation, again without realizing it, presuming that a single member of a minority speaks for all of it. This completely objectifies the person and denies their existence as a individual.
This is exactly why I was asking @livefromDC how he specifically felt on our topic.

No one should presume to think that all or even a majority of people of any difference (race, religion, sex etc) feel or react the same way. But without conversations like that, it's more difficult to understand how your feelings and interactions may affect others who may not be able to relate to your personal experience, nor can one realize how their own experiences may be influencing their perception of interactions.
 
I wonder if microaggressions will still be a complaint after the economy crashes.

Yemenis: My child died from malnutrition and cholera due to Saudi/US embargos and bombing.
Americans: These microaggressions are a crime against humanity!
usually your insistence that we stay focused on the US's 'crimes' in the middle east are helpful
in this instance it's just gaslighty
 
Of course, I'm talking about both sides having the same understanding. If the other person doesn't like it, of course it's wrong. I thought that was obvious.

When I say in good fun, it means fun for both. I even said "if we 'get' each other" in my post.
there is also a concern if others are around to witness
like a wife might not mind if a husband smacks her on the butt - but if the niece or nephew happen to see it, it changes it a bit, i think
 

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