Starbucks at it again (2 Viewers)

[DaveXA]

there is also a concern if others are around to witness
like a wife might not mind if a husband smacks her on the butt - but if the niece or nephew happen to see it, it changes it a bit, i think

Sure, I think if the wife doesn't like someone else seeing it, she is free to say as much. Also, at least between my wife and I, her facial expression is usually enough for me to get the hint. I think that applies to other circumstances as well. Situational awareness is a thing in social settings as much as in sports.

 

[tomwaits]

usually your insistence that we stay focused on the US's 'crimes' in the middle east are helpful
in this instance it's just gaslighty

We are living through the largest wealth transfer from the middle class to the wealthy in history (through printing money), the bill of rights has been trashed by states/cities all over the country, crime is up dramatically, small businesses have been decimated due to government action, mortgage disaster is around the corner, but people are going to take time to complain about micro aggressions.

Eventually the bill will come due and people won't care about micro aggressions. They will care about how do I pay my rent/mortgage, how do i get a job, how do I feed my family. If micro aggressions are in your top 5 complaints, your life is awesome compared to most people in the world.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Sure, I think if the wife doesn't like someone else seeing it, she is free to say as much. Also, at least between my wife and I, her facial expression is usually enough for me to get the hint. I think that applies to other circumstances as well. Situational awareness is a thing in social settings as much as in sports.

the wife is fine with it - they don't even know anyone saw until the wife's sister fusses at her when the niece tells the sister what she saw

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

We are living through the largest wealth transfer from the middle class to the wealthy in history (through printing money), the bill of rights has been trashed by states/cities all over the country, crime is up dramatically, small businesses have been decimated due to government action, mortgage disaster is around the corner, but people are going to take time to complain about micro aggressions.

Eventually the bill will come due and people won't care about micro aggressions. They will care about how do I pay my rent/mortgage, how do i get a job, how do I feed my family. If micro aggressions are in your top 5 complaints, your life is awesome compared to most people in the world.

k, that's just full on gaslighting
what do you think happens to unchecked microaggressions?

 

[DaveXA]

the wife is fine with it - they don't even know anyone saw until the wife's sister fusses at her when the niece tells the sister what she saw

And? My wife would still be fine with it.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

And? My wife would still be fine with it.

the thought question is about the witnesses, not the participants

 

[DaveXA]

the thought question is about the witnesses, not the participants

Yes, but I'm not sure what you're getting at. We can't control the witnesses if they see something that wasn't intended for them. Well, I suppose we can tell them to leave or wait for them to leave. I dunno.

 

[guidomerkinsrules]

Yes, but I'm not sure what you're getting at. We can't control the witnesses if they see something that wasn't intended for them. Well, I suppose we can tell them to leave or wait for them to leave. I dunno.

you contention seemed to be that if both parties well 'cool' with whatever language/interaction then it was 'all good'
i was offering a scenario where it's not that simple a formula
or we can use the one from a few years ago when boys/teen/men would call each other f** - while the two parties are fine calling each other that word, it can certainly be harmful for some to overhear it, no?

 

[DaveXA]

you contention seemed to be that if both parties well 'cool' with whatever language/interaction then it was 'all good'
i was offering a scenario where it's not that simple a formula
or we can use the one from a few years ago when boys/teen/men would call each other f** - while the two parties are fine calling each other that word, it can certainly be harmful for some to overhear it, no?

Of course it would. But I think the example you used didn't really illustrate that to me very well. I think a better example would be one of my kids and her friends constantly calling each other "my n---a". It made me cringe and I told her as much. I haven't heard her say it in a while, so idk if she quit saying it or she's just careful not to say it around me. But yeah, I think this is what you're getting at, right?

 

[zatsnzapps]

i don't know what this means

It's kind of like that one day you had hair, and then the next day...

 

[zatsnzapps]

So, are you just injecting caffeine in your veins instead?

Seriously, I don't think I could do without a bunch of caffeine in the morning. I'm not a morning person and without the caffeine, I don't think I could function.

I am soooo not a morning person. I'm one of those people that needs some me time in the morning to get adjusted because I just don't wake up well. I never have. It really sucked taking the bus in high school to HC from Metry when I was always the first one on (and the last one off) the bus every day.

For the last several years, I would have my first cup of coffee after a 1+ hour commute, so I was technically starting my day without caffeine. With working from home, I wondered if I could give it up and function. I drink a lot of water and that helps quite a bit. Once I got past the first hour of work, I was (and am) fine. There are still days that I crave it, but I'm too stubborn to give in now.

 

[Madmarsha]

the thought question is about the witnesses, not the participants

In the annals of Sometimes I Read Things Too Fast and Read Them Wrong, I thought this said "the question is about the whiteness".

 

[kizzy821]

What are some examples of microagression? I'm just trying to picture what that looks like.

I swear I was just thinking about one last night. It happened a couple of years ago but it still rolls around in my head. It still bothers me so damn much.

When my Director is in a good mood, he comes out of his office and makes loud observations about everything. One-liner style. Like a comedian.

He goes down the rows of desks and takes potshots at everyone.

There's an older white lady who's basically a mute. When she speaks, you have to really concentrate to hear her because she mumbles. She only leaves her desk to go to the copier or to lunch. He says about her, "Mary is quiet. She does her work. Doesn’t bother anybody!"

He goes on down the line, giving everyone a hard time about their workplace habits. I sit in the back, so I'm the last one he takes a shot at. He says. "Kizzy just stays at her desk. She doesn't talk to anyone. Kizzy is anti-social."

Wrong. As the saying goes... I'm not ANTI-social, I'm just not social.

Things like that stay with you. You wonder if how he sees you (as anti-social) impacts how he splits up the yearly bonus. Is that how he describes you to others?

Why am I reduced to "anti-social" when I'm just like Mary? I'm quiet... I do my work... I don't bother anybody.

 

[kizzy821]

Maybe I wasn't clear when I tried to explain that there are times when everyone has a disagreement with someone that they feel like it is personal, even when there is no overt display. As I was saying, having worked in a service repair shop, I often saw this happening, both from customers & employees and tuned myself to try to empathize with a person and it often worked wonders in customer interactions. Sometimes people were just aholes and you just had to take it. So, I felt like it was a fair question to ask that when a black person has that same feeling that I do of a disagreement being personal, if racism always comes to mind.

I think it's important to point out that Black people have these benign interactions with white people too. We know when something is NOT racially motivated.

We encounter rude, white jerks all the time. And we know their jerkdom has nothing to do with neither of our skin colors.

That's what makes it easier to spot the interactions that are racially motivated. Not saying we're batting 1000. But I bet it's close.

It's the difference between tasting something that's nasty to you vs. something that's spoiled.

You don't assume all nasty dishes are spoiled. But if a restaurant serves you up some spoiled and sour entree, you'll know it. And that's the one we're more likely to hear about.

(Then here come the folks saying. "Well maybe you just don't like shrimp?" Or "Maybe it was cooked differently than how you're used to?" No dude. That ish was rotten.)

 

[kizzy821]

I am soooo not a morning person. I'm one of those people that needs some me time in the morning to get adjusted because I just don't wake up well. I never have. It really sucked taking the bus in high school to HC from Metry when I was always the first one on (and the last one off) the bus every day.

I walk into a wall on occasion after I just get up. Like, my brain doesn't understand what's happening. At least twice a week, I stare at my alarm for several seconds trying to convince myself it's only a dream.

Then when the ugly truth hits me, I cry.

"I don't wake up well" should be my middle name.