The addict thread (2 Viewers)

[Bleu Raeder]

My significant other's cousin just passed away after a 25 year struggle with crack. He had been in and out of rehab time and again and just could not get past the addiction.

He made a little trip into NOLA to score some rocks and was shot in the back of the neck during the deal. It was a while before anyone found him and got him to a hospital. He was paralyzed from the neck down and from the neck up no longer had any real cognitive function. The decision to remove him from life support was probably the best thing the family could've done. He lived for eight more minutes and passed quietly.

Tragic, but he is no longer fighting his internal demons.

 

[saintmdterps]

Was thinking about this thread today. 3 weeks ago my brother was picked up for PI by the Dallas police. While in custody, he had a significant GI bleed so the police took him to the hospital. He nearly died. The same day my brother was put in ICU, my uncle dropped dead unexpectedly of a heart attack. I skipped his funeral in Houston to go see my brother in Dallas because he had a high probability of dying and I would have felt like a piece of human garbage if I didn't go and say goodbye; despite our differences since his addiction took over his life and changed who he is as a person.

When I went to see him, he had already been in the ICU for 10 days. Mentally, he was sharp and knew who I was, etc. Physically he was terrible. He was very jaundiced and his belly distended from the liver failure. He had lost his ability to take care of himself and form words much less sentences. He was hallucinating and would try to get out of bed because he wanted to go to 7-11 to get beer. His vitals and organ levels were improving and he was doing better and looked like he would make it out of this episode but the doctor said the next time, he wouldn't make it.

My mom got a call from the doctor the other day and he has taken a turn for the worst. Though he was improving, he's now getting significantly worse every day due to the liver failure and the Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (a.k.a. Wet Brain). We are going to Dallas tomorrow to sign off on DNR and end of life/Hospice instructions. He has about a 2% chance of living. If he lives, there is also a very high chance that his recovery won't be significant and he could be nearly a vegetable and have to be institutionalized or basically like he has Alzheimer's and need to be looked after for the rest of his life due to the inability to form new memories and the muscle instability.

This is completely heartbreaking. First because I already lost our only other biological sibling (brother) when I was 10 to brain cancer and now at 35 years of age, I will have out-lived both of my brothers - even if they were a a few years older than me.

More importantly because of the feelings of helplessness. 12 years ago my brother started drinking. It progressively got worse from having a few beers after work, to getting drunk every night after work, to being unable to keep a job because of the drunkenness, to losing his family as well. Then he went from getting drunk every day and still managing to keep a roof over his head to shacking up with a woman who was an alcoholic and pill head who was living off a trust fund. When she went to jail for DUI's, he then started living in his car. Then lost his car and then just started living in the streets.

No amount of help offered could save him because he didn't want it and because he didn't break the law nor threaten to hurt himself or others, it couldn't be forced upon him via the legal system. I wonder....we were brought up in the same house - we had a very tough childhood. How come our lives turned out so totally different from each other? These questions have no answers.

I know to some it will sound horrible but I truly believe that death would be the most merciful thing to happen to him. He can finally be freed of the grips of this addiction, self-destruction and slow suicide. If he lives, he will either have a horrible quality of life due to the aftermath of wet brain....or best case scenario; he will be well enough to walk out of the hospital, have relatively normal body function (with some brain damage) and return to the streets and start drinking again and we will all go through this mind **** one more time - him included.

Despite what a jerk he's been to me over the years, that he's a homeless alcoholic and in society's eyes a throw-away, he's still my brother and he's sick and it breaks my heart to see him so helpless and see how he just threw his life away and there was no way to stop it.

The only upside is that if he does die, he will die with a shred of dignity well taken care of in the hospital. Had the police not picked him up for PI, he would have never taken himself to the hospital and would have died in the streets like a dog.

Sorry for the long story. I'm having a really hard time dealing with this and remembered all the things discussed in this thread and thought I'd share. Hopefully none of you have had to deal with addiction to the extent of death or near death. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

We don't pick our families we are stuck with them, but this does not prevent us from hurting when things go bad for them. You are correct, there are no answers as to why you and your brother turned out so differently given similar circumstances growing up.

I too believe people (men especially) take a self-destructive course in this world due to a sense of immortality or on the other end, an absence of self-worth. The sense of immortality is usually outgrown by the time we reach our 20's, but the addict mentality will short-circuit emotional and spiritual growth so we keep thinking it can't happen to us.

I'm very sorry for what you're going through but you're doing the right thing in saying goodbye. Peace and Blessings to you and your family.

 

[CapitalCitySaint]

We don't pick our families we are stuck with them, but this does not prevent us from hurting when things go bad for them. You are correct, there are no answers as to why you and your brother turned out so differently given similar circumstances growing up.

I to believe people (men especially) take a self-destructive course in this world due to a sense of immortality or on the other end, an absence of self-worth. The sense of immortality is usually outgrown by the time we reach our 20's, but the addict mentality will short-circuit emotional and spiritual growth so we keep thinking it can't happen to us.

I'm very sorry for what you're going through but you're doing the right thing in saying goodbye. Peace and Blessings to you and your family.

Thank you. I agree with you wholeheartedly.

 

[BroKV]

Tomorrow is my 6 month anniversary. Going to the Tucson Convention this weekend and finishing my 5th step. Life is good.

 

[efil4stnias]

Life is good.

You're !@#$!@#!@#!@ Right it is!

Good on ya broKV!

 

[Goatman Saint]

BroKV-awesome man. Congrats and much tespect

 

[saintmdterps]

BroKV, nice work. I mean that, it takes actual work to remain clean. Keep it up and keep us updated!

 

[BroKV]

Thanks you guys. It really means a lot to have your support.

 

[Zack Lee]

well here I am again.

ZL had a minor hiccup in sobriety. Nothing happened, wasn't bad like in the past but I checked myself in to a clinic anyway. It was like a week vacation (serious spiritual awakening though - there is a good thread someday)

now I am looking for an intensive inpatient program. I have to do it all the way this time. I was working on myself but it was like working on the second floor of a home when the foundation was cracked and termites infested the downstairs.

So if I go underground for a while, know that I love all you guys and that I fully intend to be back for WhoDat2015!

keep up the good work BroKV!!

 

[crosswatt]

well here I am again.

ZL had a minor hiccup in sobriety. Nothing happened, wasn't bad like in the past but I checked myself in to a clinic anyway. It was like a week vacation (serious spiritual awakening though - there is a good thread someday)

now I am looking for an intensive inpatient program. I have to do it all the way this time. I was working on myself but it was like working on the second floor of a home when the foundation was cracked and termites infested the downstairs.

So if I go underground for a while, know that I love all you guys and that I fully intend to be back for WhoDat2015!

keep up the good work BroKV!!

Saying a prayer for you my friend.

 

[not2rich]

well here I am again.

ZL had a minor hiccup in sobriety. Nothing happened, wasn't bad like in the past but I checked myself in to a clinic anyway. It was like a week vacation (serious spiritual awakening though - there is a good thread someday)

now I am looking for an intensive inpatient program. I have to do it all the way this time. I was working on myself but it was like working on the second floor of a home when the foundation was cracked and termites infested the downstairs.

So if I go underground for a while, know that I love all you guys and that I fully intend to be back for WhoDat2015!

keep up the good work BroKV!!

Good luck. We'll miss you and look forward to see you back when you're done.

 

[saintmdterps]

well here I am again.

ZL had a minor hiccup in sobriety. Nothing happened, wasn't bad like in the past but I checked myself in to a clinic anyway. It was like a week vacation (serious spiritual awakening though - there is a good thread someday)

now I am looking for an intensive inpatient program. I have to do it all the way this time. I was working on myself but it was like working on the second floor of a home when the foundation was cracked and termites infested the downstairs.

So if I go underground for a while, know that I love all you guys and that I fully intend to be back for WhoDat2015!

keep up the good work BroKV!!

Thinking of you, and sending healing meditations and prayers out for you. Live in the moment for whatever that moment has to offer. If there is sadness, sit and be with it. Call it what it is and it will pass. Neither cling to it nor push it away. Do the same with all emotions.

Peace and Blessings to you, my friend. I hope all is well.

 

[where yat brah]

Anybody ever heard of or tried the SMART Recovery approach??

Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®

SMART Recovery is the leading self-empowering addiction recovery support group. Our participants learn tools for addiction recovery based on the latest scientific research and participate in a world-wide community which includes free, self-empowering, science-based mutual help groups.

The SMART Recovery 4-Point Program® helps people recover from all types of addiction and addictive behaviors, including: drug abuse, drug addiction, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, cocaine addiction, prescription drug abuse, sexual addiction, and problem addiction to other substances and activities. SMART Recovery sponsors face-to-face meetings around the world, and daily online meetings. In addition, our online message board and 24/7 chat room are excellent forums to learn about SMART Recovery and obtain addiction recovery support. If you're new to SMART Recovery, get started with our introduction here.

 

[insidejob]

Checking back in to the thread. Leaving tomorrow on a 5am flight to San Diego, then off to Rosarito Beach for my Ibogaine treatment. BroKV, you are truly a special person to make it this far. You give me hope that I too can do it when I get back to the "real world" next Monday. Hopefully we'll have one (more) sober Saints fan after this week...

Edit: I also want to share a word of thanks for my wife. She has been more than understanding in all of this. To think, my twisted mind used her and her phantom anger as a way for me to stay dishonest and keep using. What a disease...

How was the ibogaine trip? I really want to hear someone's personal experience with this.

 

[ALLSAINTS66]

Anybody ever heard of or tried the SMART Recovery approach??

Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®

SMART Recovery is the leading self-empowering addiction recovery support group. Our participants learn tools for addiction recovery based on the latest scientific research and participate in a world-wide community which includes free, self-empowering, science-based mutual help groups.

The SMART Recovery 4-Point Program® helps people recover from all types of addiction and addictive behaviors, including: drug abuse, drug addiction, substance abuse, alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, cocaine addiction, prescription drug abuse, sexual addiction, and problem addiction to other substances and activities. SMART Recovery sponsors face-to-face meetings around the world, and daily online meetings. In addition, our online message board and 24/7 chat room are excellent forums to learn about SMART Recovery and obtain addiction recovery support. If you're new to SMART Recovery, get started with our introduction here.

Big fan of their program and some of the writings of Dr. Albert Ellis from whose work parts of the SMART program are drawn. Do a search for Dr. Ellis on YouTube to get an idea of what he was on about and maybe an understanding of a basis on which SMART is built. I personally think the tenets of that program are useful in so many aspects of life-- dealing with grief, social-anxiety and much more. I've known people who've used SMART as an addition to other programs they were doing and had great results. Others chose to go with one program or the other, and I think all of 'em work for different people in different ways, which makes total sense to me. 'Just gotta find the one or ones that fit each person best, and roll widdit!