The Really Bad/Corny joke thread (1 Viewer)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead!

If Pavarotti was a pirate, what would they call him?
King of the High Seas.

How do you know there's a tenor at your front door?
He can't find the key and he doesn't know when to come in.

An orchestra leader shot and killed a soprano because she was so bad she drove him insane. He was tried , found guilty, and sentenced to the electric chair, but when the switch was thrown, nothing happened. The executioner said, "Ah, I know what's wrong...
he's a bad conductor."

An elementary school teacher asked the kids to bring a religious symbol for show and tell. Little Johnny got up and said, "I'm a Catholic and this is a crucifix." Next, little Barry came forward and said, "I'm Jewish and this is a Star of David." Then, little Frank came up and said, "I'm a Baptist and this...
is a casserole."

One Friday afternoon, the Cantor walked into the synagogue and proudly announced to the Rabbi that he's had his voice insured with Lloyd's of London.
So the Rabbi asked him, "And how much did you collect?"

Did you hear that Texas A&M had to shut down their library?
There was a fire and they lost both books!...
and one of them hadn't even been colored in yet.
 
i remember hearing the joke. i said this earlier this year.

what type of battery does it take to shock a michagan wolverine?

1 AA
 
a string walk into a bar. The bartender comes over and says" Get out we don't seve strings in here.

The string goes outside , tie s himself in a knot and frays his ends then walks back into the bar and says, "Hey bartender give me a drink."

The bartender looks him over and says "Are you a string?"

The string says "No I'm a frayed knot."



Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
 
If a man is alone in the forest and his wife can't hear him speaking, is he still wrong?


One day, the Pope declared that all Jews living in Rome must clear out of the city. The most revered Rabbi in Rome challenged the pope to a religious debate with the agreement that if he won, the Jews could stay. The pope agreed, but the day before the debate, the Rabbi was in a terrible accident and ended up in a coma. The assistant rabbi and the cantor decided the only answer was to send the Rabbis twin brother, but unfortunately, he was a complete idiot. The assistant rabbi came up with a solution: he sent word to the pope that thye Rabbi had declared the religious debate must be done without words. The pope agreed.
The next day, they met in in Vatican Square. Sitting down together at a table, the pope began by holding up three fingers. The "rabbi" immediately leaned forward and defiantly held up only his index finger across the the table.
The pope nodded, pointed to the sky, then made a big sweeping loop with that same hand. The "rabbi" sat up tall and motioned with the palm of his hand down toward the ground.
Again, the pope nodded. Then, he reached down into his pack and pulled out the host and ate of it. The "rabbi" immediately reached into his pack, pulled out an apple and took a bite out of it.
The pope rose up and said, "Enough! The Rabbi has won. The Jews may stay."

The cardinals gathered around the pope as he re-entered the Vatican and asked what had happened. The pope said, "I began by holding three fingers for the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost; and the Rabbi said to me 'Hear O Israel, the L-rd your G-d, the L-rd is one."
Then , I motioned to him, "G-d is in heaven and all around us." The rabbi answered, "G-d is right here with us!"
Finally, I pulled forth the host to say that G-d had saved us." The rabbi reminded me that it was because of our own actions in the garden that man had separated himself from G-d in the Garden of Eden. This man is a great thinker and he had the best of me today."

The congregants gathered around the rabbi's twin as he re-entered the synagogue and said, "What happened?"
The "rabbi" said, "This guy has the nerve to say to me 'I want all you Jews out of here in three days!' So I said, 'Not one of us is leaving!'
Then he says to me, 'By G-d, I want all of you Jews out of this city now!!!' So I said, 'We're staying RIGHT HERE!!!"...


"Then we had lunch."
 

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