The Really Bad/Corny joke thread (1 Viewer)

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What does a dog say when you rub his nose with sandpaper?

Ruff Ruff
 
Two silk worms were in race. What was the result?


A tie.


What did the termite say whenever he walked into the bar?


Is the bar tender here?
 
during the flavor flav roast greg geraldo asked carrot top how his plastic surgeon added an extra half chromosome.
 
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?















Cause she didn't have any arms
 
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?


Because they have big fingers.
 
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!


6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?

Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't Work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?!

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang!

A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer


23. What's the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?

About 2 weeks
 
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you
see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold
spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super
absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If
you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake your thing at her making the
woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
thing and scratch your arse.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub
the whole time.

Admire the size of your thing in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull
off towel, shake your thing at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
 
What does a gay horse eat? HAAAAAAAAY!

What did one casket say to the other that had a cold?
Is that you coffin?

A Mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here," and the mushroom replied, "Why not? I'm a Fungi."
 
Two blondes walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, "wow....that hurt."

What do you call 10 blondes ear-to-ear? A wind tunnel.




* insert blonde disclaimer here, Bleu Raeder was once blonde his ownself*
 

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