Things Kids Say (1 Viewer)

[WhatDat]

When my nephew was little and had to go potty, he'd let us know and we would help him up on the toilet. As soon as he sat down, he would say "I would like some privacy now." So, whoever helped him would leave and a few minutes later he'd yell, "somebody come and wipe my butt!"

 

[Vibe Merchant]

Yeah, my bad. I dont know what I was thinking.

 

[Sabine]

At Schlitterbahn, while standing in the middle of a zigzagged rope-line of a few hundred people, my bored kids ( about 5, 6 and 7) started discussing something they'd heard on the radio - a pregnant teen had a baby at school and left the baby in a restroom wastebasket. Of course, each of my three thought they had a better idea of what to do in that situation, and were trying to talk over each other, oblivious that everyone in line could hear them.

Oldest daughter thought the girl should have given her baby to someone who wanted it. (That's not bad)

Second daughter thought she should have hidden the evidence and flushed it.

Son couldn't believe she just got rid of it when she probably could have sold it for $10,000.

Not my proudest moment.

 

[KardiacKat]

When my nephew was little and had to go potty, he'd let us know and we would help him up on the toilet. As soon as he sat down, he would say "I would like some privacy now." So, whoever helped him would leave and a few minutes later he'd yell, "somebody come and wipe my butt!"

Hehehe. Straining is too private, but butt wiping is worth sharing with a loved one. Nice.

 

[GameBreaker]

My lil bro is 11 years my junior but I remember some of the funniest things when he was a small pest.

My step-brother got in trouble with his school grades once and his dad sent him to his room and my 5 year old brother grabs a belt and runs down the hall way while my step bro is going into his room and yells, "I'm gonna beat your a--, I'm gonna beat your a--!" It was frickin' priceless.

Another time we were having a family get-together on Sunday and we were all sitting outside eating and BSing. My lil bro, around the same age as above, starts throwing rocks into the yard after which his dad starts yelling at him and from a far he turns and yells back, "Dad, you're really pi--in' me off." He tries to scold him but couldn't stop laughing.

He was a funny kid. Sometimes weird. One time we could hear him giggling in his room after he finished taking a bath, so my step-bro and I walk back there to see what's up and he's standing their nekkid as a jay bird letting the dog lick on his junk. My mom didn't like that too much. I thought it was hilarious of course.

 

[BIG E]

I apologize in advance if the following sends us promptly BTL.

My son has finally turned into a boy. He has expressed zero interest in girls. He's been mama's baby all this time, and then BOOM. 7th grade. I suspected it would happen, as 7th graders are all animals in my experience, but it has really been a sudden change over the past 6 weeks. Recent comments/questions uttered by my son over the past week or so:

"Why do they call it '******* ***?' Is it because the person who invented it was named Jack?"

"He said 'she ******* her *******.' What does that mean? Does it have to do with S-P-E-R-M?"

{giggling} "Padme was playing with Anakin's light saber." {giggling}

"Crystal is getting boobs." {giggling}

"I have a lesbian in my class. I know she is because she dresses like a boy and she doesn't have boobs."

"When can I start shaving?"

"Mrs. Armstrong is hot. For a teacher."

Who'd you piss off, You get at least one neg rep every time you get rep.
I think you could give the weather report and get a neg.

 

[KardiacKat]

Who'd you piss off, You get at least one neg rep every time you get rep.
I think you could give the weather report and get a neg.

I dunno.

But if they get a chuckle out of giving me a thumbs down, who am I too protest?

 

[cpg]

I was a habitual bed wetter until the age of 27. Apparently once when I was a child I had awoken one night after pissing myself I walked into my parents room to explain what had happened. My father, less than amused looks at me and says "Son, did you wet the bed?!" Emphatically I replied, "I wet my pants, the bed wet itself!".

 

[BoatsNBeer]

When my nephew was little and had to go potty, he'd let us know and we would help him up on the toilet. As soon as he sat down, he would say "I would like some privacy now." So, whoever helped him would leave and a few minutes later he'd yell, "somebody come and wipe my butt!"

About 6 months ago when my son had to go he'd tell us to leave and that he "wanted to piece and poop". My wife and I didn't know what to make of it at first. I then realized when he's banging on my bathroom door or trying to talk to me under it I always tell him to leave me alone because I want to "poop in peace".

 

[buzd]

My nephews have remarked on occasion that their dad has an "overhang".

 

[KardiacKat]

My son used a lot of alternate words when he was little. A Band-aid was a banjo. When he was being rocked to sleep he would ask my mother to sing A Grass and Grapes. That would be Amazing Grace. He called a hot dog bun a sponge. Once he asked if he could have a hot dog, so I asked him, "Do you want it cut up on a plate or do you want it on a sponge?" He said, "Just cold in my hand."

Remember when you were a kid and would eat hot dogs cold from the fridge? That idea is just repulsive now.

 

[BullDawg]

My soon to be 10 year old is now extremely amused to tell people who like honey that they are eating bee puke.

 

[KardiacKat]

Bee puke is yum.

 

[gpupil]

When my sister leaves her two kids home alone (they are 10 and 14), she always tells them that if anyone calls for her to say she is in the shower. I called once and the 10 year old answered the phone. After giving me the "she's in the shower" response I asked to talk to their dad. My nephew thought for a second and then said, "Oh, he's in the shower too".

 

[BoatsNBeer]

My soon to be 10 year old is now extremely amused to tell people who like honey that they are eating bee puke.

Honey and peanut butter on cinnamon bread is awesome. I digress.