Transition Day (1 Viewer)

Danleco

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There's no point to this post other than to get this off my chest, and declare it to the anonymity of this board. I know many of you are in, or have lived, a similar situation, so your input is always welcome.

***

I've been divorced for nearly 5 years now. I've got 3 little ones that I split with my ex-wife. They are now 9, 6 & 5.

I have them 45% of the year, and I've fought dearly for that. I always want them with me, and negotiate with the ex on a frequent basis so they dont miss out on family events.

Even still, on transition day, today, I still get teary when I drop them off. They don't want to leave. I don't want them to leave. I hate sending them back to a woman who has an iphone, iPad mini, iPad and other doodads, but keeps them in 1 room of a 3 bedroom apartment. All 3 of them.

I pay $1700 a month in child support, plus most of their medical expenses. The ex, and her fiancee, have jobs. Not great jobs, but jobs still. What do they do with the kid's money? Pay the kid's daycare bill (which she also gets government money for) so they can spend the rest on electronics that they don't need? Where does the rest go?

Drives me nuts. I hate it. One day soon, my kids will be old enough to realize the disparity in our homes. And not just the income differential (my wife and I combined, even with the child support sucked out of my check, do pretty well). They are going to realize which home nurtures and supports them more. Then, maybe, transition day won't be so hard.
 

antipop

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you know what you have to do
 

Firecross

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This is why I have been very outspoken about how dumb these misandric laws are and why men need to straight up refuse, resist marriage at all cost. You're paying 20,400$ in cold hard cash(not accounting for medical expenses) a year in child support, that is more than what a non-manager would make at a retail gig.

For the past 40+ years, all we have heard is how women are independent, they don't need men, yet when that divorce comes(and it will come 51% of the time) they suddenly are dependent on men like a crack addict when it comes to alimony/childsupport.

I challenge anyone to tell me WHY marriage is still worth it when you have everything to lose as a man. The cost of living goes down dramatically for a woman after divorce and increases dramatically for men after divorce.

Many Men kill themselves post divorce because of the siphoning resource laws against men.

I heard a story not too long ago about how evil these laws are. This man had a one night stand with a woman, she told the man she didn't want to know anything about him other than his name. She got pregnant from the encounter, his deal had been pending for 10 years when he actually found out and he owed 320,000$ in child support. In the state of California(where this happened), they don't have to prove papers were served to you when child support was filed(only court case they don't).

A woman can lie about your address and knowingly have the papers sent there(illegal but hard to prove) and you can be getting nailed and not know about it.
 

coldseat

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There's no point to this post other than to get this off my chest, and declare it to the anonymity of this board. I know many of you are in, or have lived, a similar situation, so your input is always welcome.

***

I've been divorced for nearly 5 years now. I've got 3 little ones that I split with my ex-wife. They are now 9, 6 & 5.

I have them 45% of the year, and I've fought dearly for that. I always want them with me, and negotiate with the ex on a frequent basis so they dont miss out on family events.

Even still, on transition day, today, I still get teary when I drop them off. They don't want to leave. I don't want them to leave. I hate sending them back to a woman who has an iphone, iPad mini, iPad and other doodads, but keeps them in 1 room of a 3 bedroom apartment. All 3 of them.

I pay $1700 a month in child support, plus most of their medical expenses. The ex, and her fiancee, have jobs. Not great jobs, but jobs still. What do they do with the kid's money? Pay the kid's daycare bill (which she also gets government money for) so they can spend the rest on electronics that they don't need? Where does the rest go?

Drives me nuts. I hate it. One day soon, my kids will be old enough to realize the disparity in our homes. And not just the income differential (my wife and I combined, even with the child support sucked out of my check, do pretty well). They are going to realize which home nurtures and supports them more. Then, maybe, transition day won't be so hard.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. You sound like you really do have your kids best interest in mind. I hope you will be able to find some peace in it all. Regrettably, I'll be headed down that same path at the end of March. My wife and I are separating and getting a divorce. There's a lot of anger, hurt, fustration, etc. involved, but my overwhelming concern is for my 6-year old son.

My wife and I both love him dearly, of that I have no doubt. He is what has kept us together this long, but no doubt these next few months/years are going to be difficult. We haven't even told him yet and to be honest, I don't even know what the best way to go about it is. I want my wife and I to work out our schedule with our son and put him first. I want to have custody of him as close to 50% of the time as possible and more if I can. Starting out, my situation will be more settled and I'll be moving into a 2-bedroom apartment where he can have his own room. She's going into a situation that's more fluid and uncertain since she doesn't have a job right now and has to depend on others for some help.

I don't have a problem paying any amount of money to support my son, as I support him fully on my salary right now, but I've told her that I want her to share in the financial responsibility when she's able to and that all the money I give, I want it to be used on my son. not for her personal needs/wants. She seemed open and agreeable to this, but I guess we'll see how it goes. For now, I'll continue to pay his health care and tuition needs and we'll keep our joint checking account open and I'll put money into it for his other needs (i.e. doctor's visits, medicines, clothes etc.).

We likely won't go down the road of making the divorce official until after we separate, just due to financial reasons (neither of us have money for lawyers right now). But hopefully, when that time comes, we can dictate to the judge what we want in the best interest of our child and agree upon it instead of the other way around.

My hope is it doesn't turn hostile, but I'm not naive either. She has some friends that get in her ear from time to time.
 

V Chip

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This is why I have been very outspoken about how dumb these misandric laws are and why men need to straight up refuse, resist marriage at all cost.

I challenge anyone to tell me WHY marriage is still worth it when you have everything to lose as a man.
I didn't see anything that had to do with marriage. He's not paying alimony, he said child support. He would have to pay child support regardless of it he had been married or not as long as they are his kids (assuming he makes more than she, or she has them more often than he does).

I'm totally with him on the separation from kids -- I couldn't imagine it and would probably stay in a loveless marriage as long as I still got to be with my daughters 24/7. And I think the courts still give too much weight to a maternal custody/monetary transfer even when it's not equitable, but the marriage part of it doesn't really figure in to it nearly as much as the children aspect does.
 
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Danleco

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I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. You sound like you really do have your kids best interest in mind. I hope you will be able to find some peace in it all. Regrettably, I'll be headed down that same path at the end of March. My wife and I are separating and getting a divorce. There's a lot of anger, hurt, fustration, etc. involved, but my overwhelming concern is for my 6-year old son.

My wife and I both love him dearly, of that I have no doubt. He is what has kept us together this long, but no doubt these next few months/years are going to be difficult. We haven't even told him yet and to be honest, I don't even know what the best way to go about it is. I want my wife and I to work out our schedule with our son and put him first. I want to have custody of him as close to 50% of the time as possible and more if I can. Starting out, my situation will be more settled and I'll be moving into a 2-bedroom apartment where he can have his own room. She's going into a situation that's more fluid and uncertain since she doesn't have a job right now and has to depend on others for some help.

I don't have a problem paying any amount of money to support my son, as I support him fully on my salary right now, but I've told her that I want her to share in the financial responsibility when she's able to and that all the money I give, I want it to be used on my son. not for her personal needs/wants. She seemed open and agreeable to this, but I guess we'll see how it goes. For now, I'll continue to pay his health care and tuition needs and we'll keep our joint checking account open and I'll put money into it for his other needs (i.e. doctor's visits, medicines, clothes etc.).

We likely won't go down the road of making the divorce official until after we separate, just due to financial reasons (neither of us have money for lawyers right now). But hopefully, when that time comes, we can dictate to the judge what we want in the best interest of our child and agree upon it instead of the other way around.

My hope is it doesn't turn hostile, but I'm not naive either. She has some friends that get in her ear from time to time.

You need to make the first move. Trust me. I didn't, and it took me $20,000 of lawyer bills to get from the standard Texas possession to the oddball possession I have now. If you file first, you are instantly ahead in the whole proceeding.

EVEN if you are going to do this amicably. You can always mediate and negotiate during the process to 50/50. That's all I want, and my ex-wife only gave me 45%. I took it, given the risk was too great to go to court & risk more child support & no additional time with them.
 

coldseat

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You need to make the first move. Trust me. I didn't, and it took me $20,000 of lawyer bills to get from the standard Texas possession to the oddball possession I have now. If you file first, you are instantly ahead in the whole proceeding.

EVEN if you are going to do this amicably. You can always mediate and negotiate during the process to 50/50. That's all I want, and my ex-wife only gave me 45%. I took it, given the risk was too great to go to court & risk more child support & no additional time with them.

What is the first move? Divorce or child custody? Or do they both just go hand and hand? I'm not at all familiar with the process, but I'm more concerned about custody. Divorce can happen whenever it happens.
 

Sun Wukong

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This is why I have been very outspoken about how dumb these misandric laws are and why men need to straight up refuse, resist marriage at all cost. You're paying 20,400$ in cold hard cash(not accounting for medical expenses) a year in child support, that is more than what a non-manager would make at a retail gig.

For the past 40+ years, all we have heard is how women are independent, they don't need men, yet when that divorce comes(and it will come 51% of the time) they suddenly are dependent on men like a crack addict when it comes to alimony/childsupport.

I challenge anyone to tell me WHY marriage is still worth it when you have everything to lose as a man. The cost of living goes down dramatically for a woman after divorce and increases dramatically for men after divorce.

Many Men kill themselves post divorce because of the siphoning resource laws against men.

I heard a story not too long ago about how evil these laws are. This man had a one night stand with a woman, she told the man she didn't want to know anything about him other than his name. She got pregnant from the encounter, his deal had been pending for 10 years when he actually found out and he owed 320,000$ in child support. In the state of California(where this happened), they don't have to prove papers were served to you when child support was filed(only court case they don't).

A woman can lie about your address and knowingly have the papers sent there(illegal but hard to prove) and you can be getting nailed and not know about it.

Seriously, what did women do to you? This level of hate should reserved for Hitler-level evil.
 

El Caliente

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Sorry to hear about your problems. Is there no way to file for full custody? Seems if you have the best interest of the kids, and the means to take care of the. You should have full custody of them.

Best of luck man. Being a father of 2 young ones I miss them when I am a work, so I can barely understand how much this must all be on you.
 
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Danleco

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What is the first move? Divorce or child custody? Or do they both just go hand and hand? I'm not at all familiar with the process, but I'm more concerned about custody. Divorce can happen whenever it happens.

File for divorce first. Listen to your lawyer, NOT your soon to be ex wife.

My lawyer wanted to be more aggressive than I was comfortable with. I should've listened to her. I didn't want to get divorced, and agonized over breaking up my family. What I didn't realize is that my ex-wife broke up my family already when she started flirting with guys online. I should've had more forethought concerning my kids and my relationship with them.

Once you file, you can work through the process with your ultimate goal in mind. Just because you are a guy doesn't mean you will be second banana to your ex. Always do what you think is BEST for your children, and you will come out ahead. More importantly, so will they.
 

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File for divorce first. Listen to your lawyer, NOT your soon to be ex wife.

My lawyer wanted to be more aggressive than I was comfortable with. I should've listened to her. I didn't want to get divorced, and agonized over breaking up my family. What I didn't realize is that my ex-wife broke up my family already when she started flirting with guys online. I should've had more forethought concerning my kids and my relationship with them.

Once you file, you can work through the process with your ultimate goal in mind. Just because you are a guy doesn't mean you will be second banana to your ex. Always do what you think is BEST for your children, and you will come out ahead. More importantly, so will they.

yeah, my co-worker has been realizing lately that he should have been way more aggressive during the process. she has found a few loopholes and uses them to torment him.
 

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OR you could just make sure that the woman you marry and have kids with is the one you want to spend your life with. Marriage is supposed to be for life. Till death do us part. I made that promise and I will live by it. Too many people are treating marriage like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship where you can just back out whenever you want. There is a reason the divorce rate is so high these days. People just want to jump into it without truly truly thinking about the consequences. And I came from a home where my parents got divorced before I was 4 years old so I know what it's about. Just think about it before you propose. Bring on the red thumbs!
 

antipop

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OR you could just make sure that the woman you marry and have kids with is the one you want to spend your life with. Marriage is supposed to be for life. Till death do us part. I made that promise and I will live by it. Too many people are treating marriage like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship where you can just back out whenever you want. There is a reason the divorce rate is so high these days. People just want to jump into it without truly truly thinking about the consequences. And I came from a home where my parents got divorced before I was 4 years old so I know what it's about. Just think about it before you propose. Bring on the red thumbs!

yeah, people should stay miserable together forever
 

Devildog

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OR you could just make sure that the woman you marry and have kids with is the one you want to spend your life with. Marriage is supposed to be for life. Till death do us part. I made that promise and I will live by it. Too many people are treating marriage like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship where you can just back out whenever you want. There is a reason the divorce rate is so high these days. People just want to jump into it without truly truly thinking about the consequences. And I came from a home where my parents got divorced before I was 4 years old so I know what it's about. Just think about it before you propose. Bring on the red thumbs!

That's cool and all, but sometimes, **** happens. Maybe you're a drug addict and like crack instead of your family. Maybe your wife is a gutter whore and likes screwing random guys. Who knows? Sometimes, you can't work through some problems.
 

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