what crazy stuff teachers and cops have been caught saying. (1 Viewer)

Det. Brees

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Teachers and Cops

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy,are these funny!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

----------------------------------------------------

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

13. If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

4. "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but ! now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
 

LSSpam

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Do you have to post all of the spam forwards you got on the forum?
 
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Det. Brees

Det. Brees

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this is the ee board. we talk about and share all kinds of storys. if you dont like dont read..
now go be mean spirited and rude to someone else....
 

perret318

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Just discovered the internet yesterday, huh?
 
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Det. Brees

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guess you did... what is up with everyone if you dont like the humor dont read it.. what up with the tudes on here...
 

Joe OKC

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I hadn;t read them before and I thought that they were funny.. thanks

Especially the ones from the teachers.....

Joe
 

CitySaint

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Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.

Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone)
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.

Chief Wiggum: Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around!

Marge: [on radio] Husband on murderous rampage. Send help. Over.
Chief Wiggum: Whew, thank God that's over. I was worried for a little bit.

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?

Chief Wiggum: Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!

Chief Wiggum: They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.

Chief Wiggum: All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.
 

Sonof504

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my teacher called my brother "unamerican" because he wouldn't stand for the pledge(even though he explained to her why he wont)

She also crys during class and tries to make us feel sad. She'll talk about her sickness and blah, then go on some crying rant and talk about how she loves us all, and that god placed us in her class for a reason.


She scares me
 

saintkev

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my teacher called my brother "unamerican" because he wouldn't stand for the pledge(even though he explained to her why he wont)

She also crys during class and tries to make us feel sad. She'll talk about her sickness and blah, then go on some crying rant and talk about how she loves us all, and that god placed us in her class for a reason.


She scares me


Is she hot? Unbalanced hot teachers are all the craze these days.

Just kidding don't get any ideas kid.
 
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Dougd

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my teacher called my brother "unamerican" because he wouldn't stand for the pledge(even though he explained to her why he wont)

She also crys during class and tries to make us feel sad. She'll talk about her sickness and blah, then go on some crying rant and talk about how she loves us all, and that god placed us in her class for a reason.


She scares me

So why does your brother hate america.
 

Sonof504

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Is she hot? Unbalanced hot teachers are all the craze these days.

Just kidding don't get any ideas kid.



She is like 60 or 70 and very sick. She really isn't even fit to teach right now. She is freaking psycho but a good person(outside of trying to force religon onto my brother)

Her sad stories/crying really need to stop though. She says a lot of crazy things that usually entertain me, if it weren't for that I'd probably go to a counsler or something to report her.
 

Goatman Saint

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I just got some ideas for comments as I finish my report cards. I especially like numbers 11 and 12.
 

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